Am i being pathetic?

[Natalierose]

I'm quite new to this been registered 3 months I have 2 ey's 3 days a week then 3 ey's 2 days a week. On the 2 days that I have a 16 month old, 17 month old and a 2.5 yr old no matter what I do the children seem to be constantly pulling toys off each other, fighting for my attention, throwing everything and anything.
Today we have been for a long walk around the country park for two hours, sleep time, lunch, painting, pasta play, play dough, sand play, plus all the other general toys that have been out. I've been playing and engaging them in activities along with free play and I'm always interacting with them.
I don't know wether it's I'm doing something wrong or it's just the mix of children? 17 and 16 mo get on well when it's just them two it's just when the 3rd child is here.
Am I being pathetic in wanting to give notice to 3rd child? On the 3 days it's just the 2 children they seem to get so much more from the time with me and I feel pleased in how well the day has gone but I've got to the point that I dread those two days when it's the three of them and feel that they are not getting the best from being here.
Any advice gratefully received! I'm desperate! X

[Smiley]

I think it's early days yet but many of us can relate to what you are saying. There's a 12 month age difference which is huge in terms of development and of course language skills and understanding will be more advanced with the older child. I think what you describe is normal behaviour and can be viewed as similar to sibling rivalry. Did you have the older child before the younger ones?

Hang in there and give it time, just make sure you try to differentiate activities to prevent boredom or frustration with the older child.

[Natalierose]

Thanks for the reply smiley! I always try to enhance the activities further like today the older child was threading the pasta onto pipe cleaners, drawing pictures in the dry sand etc

I had the younger two first, then the older one joined and it wasn't too bad at for the first few weeks but as time goes on I feel it's getting worse as the older child has started to become quite forceful physically with the children (not to the extent of hurting another child yet as I always manage to stop and distract)

I feel like I'm letting the children down! X

[Koala]

Your not been pathetic, I have been there sooooo many times - but sometimes you just have to 'suck it up' I seldom seem to get a full week in the 10 years I have been minding with children that I am completely "happy" with, believe me, there will always be one that will in your eyes - spoil it - if it's not a child it's the parent :D .

But having said that If it's too much, it's your choice whether you give notice or not and only you can decide, it's your sanity, don't let it drive you round the twist :laughing: .

But think first what could the ramifications be and the pro's and cons:

Parents gets upset and p'eed off with you But you think you have solved the problem and are happier - for now!
You don't learn or professionally develop to manage these situations and the next situation that arises - do you give notice again?
It can be a bad business move to give notice at any time but without reasonable reason it could be professional suicide. After all it is your job to look after children, if you admit that you can't or don't want to because they squabble, argue, etc... etc.... do you see where i'm going?
You give notice and sort the issues out short term but something/someone else replaces with another issue, what do you do then?

I have learned to deal with issues when they arise, expect the worst and hope for the best, as long as I get paid, I am respected and not taken advantage of I am quite happy to roll my sleeves up and deal with it!


Good luck, have a hot bath, sleep on it and give yourself a little treat (just for you) with the money that the awkward child brings in - sometimes this helps. :D :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Mummits]

Before throwing in the towel, it might be worth experimenting with your activities and routines to see if doing things differently might affect their behaviour for the better. It sounds like you are doing brilliantly providing stimulating activities and resources, but trying to pack a lot into your day. Maybe the children are finding it a bit too busy and getting overtired and fractious? I quite often hold activities in reserve - for example make playdough but only put it out if/when the children seem to have tired with their current activity. If they are happy with what they are doing I'd say if it ain't broke, don't try to fix it! Or maybe the flow of activities isn't quite right or out of synch with their energy levels- you could try swapping things about, maybe offering an indoor activity early on and going out later. Another question is do you find yourself wanting or encouraging the children to do the offered activity most of the time? I know it can feel like they ought to want to do it when you have made an effort, but maybe if one or two are less keen, that could be the cause of some tension. Not saying that's the case, just a suggestion. Anyway, good luck with it. Three months isn't really that long in the grand scheme of things. I have had plenty of children or combinations of children that have had their "challenging" weeks or months and come good.

[Natalierose]

Very nicely put koala - you speak complete sense!
That's the thing I don't want to give notice and let the child and parent down. But I am becoming so tense on those two days that I end up in tears in the evenings. This is purely because I feel like the children aren't having the best time they could be but on the other hand they are kept safe, fed, take part in all sorts of activities and expeiences.

I just need to figure out how to deal with it and carry on. X

[Natalierose]

Before throwing in the towel, it might be worth experimenting with your activities and routines to see if doing things differently might affect their behaviour for the better. It sounds like you are doing brilliantly providing stimulating activities and resources, but trying to pack a lot into your day. Maybe the children are finding it a bit too busy and getting overtired and fractious? I quite often hold activities in reserve - for example make playdough but only put it out if/when the children seem to have tired with their current activity. If they are happy with what they are doing I'd say if it ain't broke, don't try to fix it! Or maybe the flow of activities isn't quite right or out of synch with their energy levels- you could try swapping things about, maybe offering an indoor activity early on and going out later. Another question is do you find yourself wanting or encouraging the children to do the offered activity most of the time? I know it can feel like they ought to want to do it when you have made an effort, but maybe if one or two are less keen, that could be the cause of some tension. Not saying that's the case, just a suggestion. Anyway, good luck with it. Three months isn't really that long in the grand scheme of things. I have had plenty of children or combinations of children that have had their "challenging" weeks or months and come good.

Thanks mummits- again some very good advice.
Generally the children are all very excited to do a activity and at the start they will all join and we'll do it all together. When the younger ones attention has ran out they are free to wonder and go and do something else but this is the point where they can start to fight for my attention and not want to free play which results in the children who are engaged and focused loosing out on my attention.
I think I'm going to have to maybe step back a little so the children don't depend on me - as after all they need to learn to play independently.
Hope that made sense. X

[Koala]

Very nicely put koala - you speak complete sense!
That's the thing I don't want to give notice and let the child and parent down. But I am becoming so tense on those two days that I end up in tears in the evenings. This is purely because I feel like the children aren't having the best time they could be but on the other hand they are kept safe, fed, take part in all sorts of activities and expeiences.

I just need to figure out how to deal with it and carry on. X

Bless you, I understand, you want to be SUPERWOMAN (we all do/did), you want everything to be perfect (we all do/did) - I used to (i've been in tears too, been through all hosts of emotions) and the sooner I accepted that it's ok for there to be ups and downs, for things not to be perfect, for me not to be perfect, to be able to agree to disagree particularly with parents it really helps you to deal with the hard/difficult times.

You should congratulate yourself on being so conscientious to provide such great activities for the children but like Mummits says maybe you are pushing your self too far.Try to Chill out a bit, relax and look at things more objectively. :thumbsup: think of yourself for once and not trying to give 110% all the time (you'll wear yourself out physically and emotionally) - take a break from lots of activities every now and again and just go with the flow. :thumbsup:

[Natalierose]

Thank you koala! That's what I'll do - calm down!
You ladies don't have offer good advice. I feel better already. X

[Koala]

Thank you koala! That's what I'll do - calm down!
You ladies don't have offer good advice. I feel better already. X

Good, remember, you're not alone, many of us have been to you know where and back again with all the :censored: we have to deal with and we are still standing, a bit greyer maybe but still in one piece :D

Take care. :thumbsup:

[benandjerrys]

Have you tried going to play group on them mornings? By the time you get back it's lunch and nap time for the two youngest and then do something separate with the eldest? I think another member was right by saying you just need to experiment with your routine/ activities.