anhy other "single " ladies found this

[desiderata]

Sorry to moan but thought it better to vent than explode inside. I know its personal but some of you may be able to help. As some of you know I am recently divorced and still going through hell sorting out finances etc. There is only me and my to adult children my parents have sadly passed on .. My whole life is a mess at the mo and its having serious affects on my state of mind and attitude to people and work etc.
If I break it down.
my kids are adults now and do their own thing so I am left on my own lots and I hate it .
I used to do lots with my kids they did lots of activities and I was always running them here andthere and was very busy with that but its all finished now and I am finding it difficult to find places to go on my own. I have a handful of friends but they all have parents and children and husbands and grandchildren etc so are busy. A few have said we will go out Sat etc. then cancelled on me.
I have started to see a man who is also recently divorced and when we do go out its fun but then he has lots of friends so I only see him occosionallly and would like to see him more but I think that makes me look needy if you see what I mean.

But these last few weeks have been hell because the weather has been fab and I have been stuck at home with nowhere to go and nothing to do , my kids dont understand what the problem is and cant see why I am getting so ratty . I did go to join a group but the price of the things they do I cannot afford to pay now I have to pay mortgage and bills etc on my own.
I would like to find another woman in the same position really, cos I like to go to concerts, theatre shows dancing etc. but you cant do these things on your own as a woman. Men can go into pubs etc on their own and no one bats an eyelid. I am really getting down and its causing arguments .

Sorry for the essay but just getting it off my chest helped.

[ziggy]

I know exactly how you feel. My husband died nearly 6yrs ago, my son and daughter moved back to England for work/university. ALL my friends here, except one, are married with children still at home. I am invited out constantly BUT there is nothing more depressing than spending time with other couples and their children to remind me that not only has my husband gone but my children are so far away.:(

I have met a guy recently via a dating site and all is going well but like you he had other commitments and lives an hour away.

Are there any groups you could join that dont cost money? I joined a local book club which was free and made lots of new friends via that. I also go to yoga but dont really chat to people as much at that. Are there any free courses at local college?

It is a major life change to be single and have grown up children and can be very depressing BUT it is also great fun at times. I dont have to cook in the evenings if i dont want to, can watch what i want on TV, can spend whatever i want (or can afford) on shoes. Many saturday mornings I wake up and think oh what is the point but I then remind myself of how well i'm doing on my own.

Big big hugs xx

[loocyloo]

big hugs.

i'm not single, but I understand, a friend where I used to live was a single lady and although she enjoyed her own space and would happily go away for a week walking on her own with her dog, did say she found it hard to go out to things on her own.

she went on a 'singles' holiday and met a few likeminded people and now they arrange their own holidays/weekends away themselves.

she joined some local groups such as local history, choir and badminton and again, met like-minded people who she goes out with in the evenings/daytime etc. I met her through the choir and she sometimes came out for walks with us when I was walking - the LOs loved her dog! I know she still feels that sometimes she is 'stuck at home', esp as her children have left home and moved away, and she took (early) retirement, but she tries to make sure she gets out and about.

xxx

[kellyskidz!]

Also not single and I'd be the busy friend you mentioned, I have several single friends who say they don't see me as much as they'd like to. I feel horribly guilty but I have a job, partner and 5yo, although the key is balance, I'm quickly learning.
Why not take initiative and say to your friends right girls I'm planning a big night out once a week/month and we'll plan welll ahead so fewer cancelations! That'd give you something to look forward to when you're feeling bored, at least there's that meal out/drinks on Friday to think about!
Or invite them to your house every few weeks for something different, like a make up party, or book reading club. My mum has her friends over for Indian nights, wine tasting and bingo, drives my dad mad but she's happy lol. She also tells the friends who may not know anyone else there to bring a friend so there's meeting new people too
Also I wouldn't worry about being needy with new man, maybe he's the same thinking I don't want to bother her if she's busy, tell him you'd like to spend a bit more time together or just ask him out a bit more, he might be over the moon!
Also, embrace the solitude too, what I'd give for an hour or two to go for a long walk or sit on top of a hill with my Kindle and a blanket in this gorgeous weather! I wouldn't care I was on my own, we all need me time.
Don't feel you're alone, if nothing else there's this forum for chatting on!:thumbsup:

[carol cameron]

Where are you ? Is there no local childminding groups you could join ? I have made some really close friends through attending mine. We go out for meals and stuff and it's great.
Another thing to consider is that some of your married friends might love to go out to theatres/ concerts etc. Have you asked them ? I have been with my husband for over 30 years and we have been to the cinema twice as he hates it ! I just go with my friends and always have a good time. Just because you are married doesn't always mean you don't want to hang out with friends so may be worth considering ?
Hope things improve for you.:)

[desiderata]

hi thanks for the replies, yeah there is a couple of groups round here but they all know my situation and are not interested. I have asked some of them and my married friends to go out and they say they will but when I try to arrange anything then they say they are busy. I have just cajouled my dd 23 to go out on bank holiday with me and she has agreed , so will have to see after that .. I have looked at other groups nearby but nothing takes my fancty. oh well, thanks for listening I m sure something will turn out in the end

[caz3007]

My dad has just found himself on his own after losing his partner. He wishes he could find a companion to do the things you talk about. But he has started going to his local church to make some friends other than his old boozing ones (he cant drink now). He is off to Scotland on a coach trip on his own and although a bit apprehensive, he will be fine I am sure.

If you go on facebook why not see if there is a community page where you could ask if there is another woman in a similar position who would like to get together occasionally for an evening out, I bet there are many women out there who would like this

[jillplum]

I have been single for 12 years now. My kids are grown up too. I love it. I can go and do whatever I want. There is nothing to stop you going to the theatre on your own you know. Or going to a concert or whatever you want to go, see and do! Evening classes at your local school or college are a great way to get out and make friends or a sports type club like archery or tennis etc. Dance classes are a lot of fun. You just need to pluck up the courage and go. Your local library often has groups that meet over a shared interest like books or history or painting etc.
I'm happy to chat if you like.

[VeggieSausage]

Have you looked on the MeetUp website to see what groups are in your area.....

[CLL]

I am married with a small child and all my friends live close by but I often go out on my own. I think nothing of going to the pictures by myself and then calling for a meal afterwards. I don't care if people think I am weird, I find it easier to do my own thing that I want than having to take everyone else into account. Maybe you just need a bit of courage and to get out and about by yourself. Go for it, why care if a stranger thinks it is odd you have gone to see a show on your own.

[line6]

Have you considered starting your own group? A friend of mine did it after finding herself in similar situation and its a great success. She has found lots of like-minded friends both male and female and finds that lonely hours can be filled planning new things for the group to do. Just an idea. I hope you feel more positive soon.

[charlottenash]

Can I suggest a place to you, a place I discovered for my dad when my mum passed away and he was so lonely:

Travel One Holidays - Riverside Hotel in Dalyan Turkey

My dad was petrified of people looking at him because he was alone, but this place is amazing, although this company does many holidays I can personally vouch for this holiday being very good. It's all singles, and its not about dating. When you sit at the pool, everyone else around the pool is also single. There are alot of women, and not so many men so its quote nice that your alone, but your not actually alone.

Lots of luck. You will be fine eventually just try and find a few things to do. Sit in the library and read a book, you may get chatting to someone there. Walk to local parks, get a dog if you like them? Anything to get you out their socialising.

Xx

[The Juggler]

hon, big hugs. sorry you feel like this. If it was sunny and I was alone I'd find somewhere nice to visit and go alone. take a book and sit somewhere lovely drinking a lovely iced coffee in the sun. or just lie in the garden.

i agree, planning ahead with friends with small children and hubbies might be the key. lettting you down last minute isn't nice though but if the kids are sick, or hubby is sick and no-one else to mind kids its sometimes unavoidable - but I see it doesn't make you feel great.

what about fitness and exercise classes, a running club something like that. Cycling is also a lovely thing to do in the sun and alone :thumbsup: