Devastating news

[teacake2]

Two sisters I started looking after as babies and are now nearly 21 and nearly 18, (are also my God children) have been told some devastating news about their dad, he has some sort of syndrome, I can't pronounce it let alone spell it, that is attacking his own body and there is no cure for it. It has already caused damage to his heart, lungs and liver and he has blood clots all over his body. He is 44 years old and has been told he will have the maximum of 2 years left if he is lucky.
I am still in total shock and don't know what to do at the moment, I am sure many of you will understand how I am feeling. I have spoken to his wife and she knows that I am here for all of them and will do anything that I can, but sometimes I feel that it is only words and that I can't really do anything but be there for them to shout at if they need to. I haven't spoken to him yet as he has taken the youngest to Spain for a couple of days to see his in laws while he can still manage it.
The drugs he is on all react with each other which is making him feel worse.
Why does life have to treat some people this way?
The only thing that is bothering him is that he won't have any grand children to make a fuss over.
Sorry for posting this but just needed to talk to someone else about it.:(:(:(
Teacake2

[VeggieSausage]

Awful, so unfair and so young, life can be so unfair :group hug:

When my youngest dd was at nursery, one of the mums there I was friendly with died of cancer after a heartbreaking load of treatment and all sorts of other issues, and I remember feeling so devastated, she was only 30 and with 3 young children. She has always stuck with me and I often think of her (still really upsets me), I sometimes see her children and want to say something to them (they don't know me now, were all split up after she died - v sad) and so I know how you feel - just terrible news. Life is short and we are lucky x

[littlemiss60561]

ahh no thats really sad.
Im sure you being there and willing to talk about it (its easy for some to shy away sometimes, understandably) will be a huge support to all the family x

[Kiddleywinks]

What terrible news for the family :(
It's so hard to know what to say when words seem really empty compared to the anguish and fear the family must be feeling
The problem with grief in this situation is that it's 2 fold - grieving for what may have been, for what is being lost, and then when the time comes, the pain of losing that person

A friend of mine recently lost her 3 day old baby to a 'syndrome' that doctors explained meant his life was 'not viable' and she's going through a terrible time at the moment. She posted the following poem, which had me in tears as I could relate to it so much. I've never lost a child, but did lose my brother 3 years ago in an RTA and the words summed up my own emotions and feelings at the time.

I had a handful of friends that really were there for me, and they were the ones that 'forced' themselves through the barriers I put around myself. You may need to 'force' family members to see that you really are there for them

:group hug:

DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE FEELING EMOTIONAL

You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go

How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The moment I start to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.

Because I am so lonely,
you see, friends no longer come around,
I'll take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.

Everyone avoids me now,
I guess they don't know what to say
They told me I'll be there for you,
then turned and walked away.

Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call and scream
into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?

No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?

I am tired of pretending
my heart hammers in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.

How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?

Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their childs casket,
watched it perched above a grave?

You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.

If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.

Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."

Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do to.

I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul.

[sarah707]

Oh Teacake I am so sorry for the family - and sending my love to you. They become part of our family don't they? What happens to them hurts us so badly.

:group hug::group hug:

[chriss]

am in tears reading that poem, but you did warn us. yes life can be so cruel, makes no sense whatsoever sometimes, and words feel empty, so just to talk about it is all you can do, and be there when needed for the family x

[shortstuff]

Life is cruel and it always seems to be the people we consider to be the good ones that get these I curable diseases. I have no advice to offer except as you say to be there for all of the family.

That poem is amazing, thanks for sharing x

[angeldelight]

So sorry to hear that tea cake

Love to you and everyone

What a lovely poem

Angel xxx

[Mouse]

That is so sad. Life really does seem very unfair at times.

I hope the family have plenty of time left together to make lots of wonderful happy memories xx

[ziggy]

How sad. My husband died from cancer nearly 6yrs ago when our daughter was 17.

My advice would be to just be there to listen. Even now, my most supportive helpful friends are the ones who just listen to me moaning and say very little, as sadly there is nothing anyone can say to make things better.

Sending big hugs and strength to help you through this

[Kirstylob]

Thats really sad news. Hopefully they can make lots of precious memories in the time they have left together.
And that poem is beautiful. X

[blue bear]

Poor family. They are lucky they have you :group hug:

[Petshrinklj]

Oh dear. Sorry to hear that. Hugs to you and the family :(

[sing-low]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I am sure your words, though they may feel inadequate, and your being willing to be there in the bad times as well as the good will be a help and a comfort to your god-children and the rest of the family. That's true friendship and not an easy thing to give.

[The Juggler]

so sorry to hear that hon. those poor girls - it will be so hard for them. sending a huge hug and lots of love

[funemnx]

Life is so unfair sometimes, sending hugs :group hug:

Beautiful poem x