same sex parents-family project

[LittleLamb]

Hi everyone...I'm going to do a project on families which will include different scenarios such as one parent/separated and families from other countries etc. I would like to include same sex parents as I have 2 same sex parent families within my extended family and I think children need to see that it does happen.

My query is that maybe some parents may not want this taught to a young child.....has anyone got any experiences that they can share with me and should I ask parents permission? I'm a bit wary of introducing this. THANKS:)

[barbarella68]

I would ask parents permission,if I was a parent and somebody did this with my son without permission I would be very angry. I think my son is too young for this type of information and the parents will know the child and how they may take it.
So I would explain to the parent the reason you want to do this,they may be fine but some may not.:)

[LeeAnn]

I think it sounds like a fun project. I think you should get some feedback from parents before starting but I would prob do that for any project.

I am not sure I would think they are too young as it is just a fact of life, I guess it will all depend on how much detail you go into. I wouldnt like my LO to hear the birds and the bees too early I guess so prob double check to be on the safe side.
x x x x

[Pedagog]

I don't think it is necessary to highlight same sex couple to children so young, unless they are likely to be involved in the situation themselves (ie have or are about to have same sex parents). I also think this probably a subject best left for the child's parents, as it can lead to some very awkward questions.

As a parent I would not be happy with someone else telling my children about same sex couples.

A gentler introduction may to get some books with same sex couples, or maybe just have male or female dolls in the dolls house, but I wouldn't make a big issue of it.

[barbarella68]

I definetly (is that how you spell it?)agree with Charlotte.
My son is 5 and he is far too young.:)

[wendywu]

I would not do same sex families with under 5s. If you do go ahead i would ask first. :)

[LeeAnn]

not wanting to start a debate or anything but I am just wondering why you all feel so strongly?

I am guessing it wouldnt be too detailed (as it is under 3s) and families are made up of many different "varieties" to me including same sex parents are along the same lines of teaching the kids about adoption, guardianship, Gran's and grandads , aunts and uncles being carers.To me it is no bad thing for all of these to be understood by children

I do agree though that talking about all of these things would require parental consent as the timing is of personal choice for the parents

x x x x

[Tatia]

I agree with LeeAnn. I can't see how gently introducing children to the idea that all families are different (be they ethnic, single, extended, same sex, divorced/re-married) is in any way a bad thing, even from an early age. I don't think I would highlight it, per se and make a big deal of it but would definitely include maybe some books depicting same sex families, colouring pages fo a wide range, that sort of thing so that it is 1 of many families.

I make it clear from the get-go to all parents that I do not discriminate for any reason (age, race, gender, sexuality, socio-economic, religion, ability) and that my resources will promote a wider understanding of the world. Obviously, it should be handled sensitively but I think it's a great idea.

[Tatia]

Meant to add, I wouldn't seek permission but I'd mention it to parents and hope that they'd trust my judgement enough to know that I'd handle it sensitively and with age-appropriate resources and information.

[Rubybubbles]

okay then! My sister and her partner have just been to stay with me for a long weekend (went home today:( ) I told parents about it just incase anything was said (I was going to just say well I can't work then tbh!) but they is no problem, but I def wouldn't make a point of saying to the children about it all, as far as they were conserned My childrens Auntie and Auntie were staying! even my own child who is 6 hasn't grasped the fact, he takes it in his stride

Sorry if this offends but not alot else to add:D

let us know how your project goes;)

[Tatia]

Ruby, that's exactly my point. Children don't know it's an issue until it's made into an issue by adults! They just accepted their two Aunties and got on with it. I think that's wonderful and well done, you!

[ruby]

one of my mindees has two mums he has been coming for about 2 yrs

never been any problems the children just accept it.




cathy

[wendywu]

If they come across it in life then that is Ok as they would think they are friends. But doing a project pointing out that they are like a couple living together sleeping in the same bed like a mum and dad i think could be a little bit too much at 2 3 4 or 5.

[LittleLamb]

Thanks - had a load of interesting replies! My Auntie and her wife have brought up two children (Father is my Aunties prev partner) from a very young age and it hasn't seen like an issue and I personally wouldn't have a problem with my daughter learning about same sex couples but as I said before everyone has different views and I must respect how the parents feel. I think I will mention it and keep it subtle and not make a big issue out of it. Not sure how I'm going to go about it yet as I only just thought of it last night during Equal Opps Training!:)

[wendywu]

Im waiting for the book to come out, mummy teddy bear is on the game and daddy bear is doing time.:laughing:

[kindredspirits]

i can't see the problem - its not like you're going into details is it - i imagine more like, annie has two mummies - kids don't really care about the ins and outs of it all. :thumbsup:

[wendywu]

Except that Annie has not got two mummies, she has mummy and mummy has a partner. Then what about Daddy.

Children do take notice my mindee age 3 always askes the 4 year old why he has not got a dad, where is his dad, why does he not see his dad and so on.

They noticed when a lady in the playground who was pregnant and lost it. They kept asking me where her baby was and why if the lump was gone did she not have a baby.

[Tatia]

Which is why it should be explained that all families are different and sometimes there are 2 mummies (if a lesbian couple choose to raise their children that way)AND a Daddy, if he's in the picture. Or not, if he isn't, which isn't much different than some single-parent families I look after, though in my case, it was no mummy in the picture, just Dad. My friend's children have two mothers and a Daddy, only she's a step-parent married to Dad but children still think of both of them as Mom.

Kids are observent. It seems silly to try and hide a perfectly natural, legal fact of life. I don't mean all the details (heck, I don't go into detail about nor do I want to see hetero couples loving each other up either!), just positive images of all sorts of families living and loving together.

I hope I'm not coming across as argumentative. It's just a subject I'm particularly passionate about.:)

[Trouble]

i wouldnt know how to begin with that one

let us know and i might try it

good luck

[crazybones]

i can't see the problem - its not like you're going into details is it - i imagine more like, annie has two mummies - kids don't really care about the ins and outs of it all. :thumbsup:

Actually I do have 2 mummies - my birth mother (who Ive never met - nor do I plan to) and my "REAL" mum who adopted me as and little one :D

[Heaven Scent]

I used to teach a little boy from a same sex family his mum was a lesbian his dad had access too but from what I can remember the mum and dad were in a relationship when he was conceived, it was in 1989 so I don't remember much about the circumstances he would be about 24/5 now. I do remember him sharing things at circle time about the mum and girlfriend eg. "****pinched my mums bum in bed this morning" none of the other children blinked an eye children are just so accepting of whatever is presented to them take fairy stories for instance- they take all of them at face value and cartoons like Tom and Jerry when one gets squashed and bounces back into their former shape in no time.

I was working in a private school in South Manchester at the time - its closed down now and most of this group of children had been together since the age of 2 and were now between 5 & 7 and out of the blue one morning at arrival time one of the little girls looked at a little black boy (- a real darling) as he arrived and then addressed the mother also black - whole family black Jamacians and said why is E*****'s face that colour? As the Mum and I were in conversation we tried to let it pass but she was like a dog with a bone and wouldn't let it drop until she got a reason and I just said that when we are in the sun a long time some peoples skin goes brown and referred to mine as I'd been to Florida and said that the longer we spend in the sun the browner it gets and if we are born and live in some very hot countries our skin can be very brown and that E******'s grand parents were born in a hot country and so all their children and grand children were brown but a little bit lighter than them because they now lived in England. The Mother was really upset at the time and left in tears because she didn't understand the innocence of the childs question - she wasn't being racest she had just noticed something she hadn't noticed before about this boy. Its ironic that it was that particular child who noticed as her mother was half the age of her father and she was no spring chicken so whenever the dad came to pick the little one up some child was bound to say "A**** your Grandad is here" and she would just look them in the eye and say he's my daddy and was never upset by what they said. None of the other children were being nasty but were just saying things as they saw them and none of us staff ever corrected them or made an issue of it and they just accepted it. Just like the boy whose mums girlfriend pinched his mums bum in bed that morning. I don't think things should be hidden from children but there is no need to make an issue of differences in any way we just need to take it all at face value and be open to accept people for who they are and I'd only draw attention to things if they do and be as open as possible if they ask questions.

[LittleLamb]

I can remember when I first come accross racism as a child-I over heard a lady telling her child they 'they do not watch videos with black men in' (strange thing to say..i know!) I couldn't understand as it didn't occur to me that people might think this way!:eek:

[wendywu]

Heinz have just been forced to pull an advert for Deli Mayo that showed a same sex family having breakfast. It was two males and their children. One said goodbye love see you tonight and gave the other a peck goodbye. All innocent and children as you say take everything at face value and its all part of life.

BUT they had thousands of complaints and it was deemed it was not suitable for family viewing and had they kept it it would have had to go out after the watershed. So the general national consensus is that this is not age appropriate.

This is a completely different from discrimination. :)

[angeldelight]

Oh I heard about that Wendy

Angel xx

[Blackhorse]

I think it would be a good idea. ...If it is portrayed as a normal variation of family life.

It seems to me children would not make a big deal of it but rather the parents and I am just wondering if some adults would now not react so strongly about it had they been introduced to this concept as normal when they were kids

I have my own thoughts on this and I would like to share them but I hope I am not offending anyone ( as I really don't want to) but it seems to me that this is a subject that many people (like the Heinz add shows) have a personal problem with and are therefore unwilling to show it to their kids as normal. It feels as though people feel the need to protect their children from this information..and I am just wondering why that would be. I am not old enough to have experienced it myself but it must have been similar for single mums a while back when this was seen as somehow bad./shameful..(this is from what my granny tells me anyway)

I believe that if children are raised from an early age in a way that teaches them about all sorts of variations on life (be it culture, religion, sexuality, gender ..etc) and that these are all perfectly normal and acceptable we might reach a point some day were they all actually are.

Also I am not sure why it would be age inappropriate as long as it is covered sensibly without details you would not share about any other couples....

I would still inform the parents though as there is so much debate about it and I think it is better to be on the safe side.

I hope this makes sense as I found it difficult to explain what I think... especially since I am still without coffee this morning

[wendywu]

I think the best idea is to ask the parents what their views are and at what age they would like it broached.

We are not fair as a nation though as i would like to know why in 2008 any high ranking member of the royal family is not allowed to marry a Roman Catholic. How is that for all religions are equal:eek:

When Peter Phillips married recently his wife had to change to C of E.

I am C of E i just find it strange.

[Twinkles]

I think the best idea is to ask the parents what their views are and at what age they would like it broached.

We are not fair as a nation though as i would like to know why in 2008 any high ranking member of the royal family is not allowed to marry a Roman Catholic. How is that for all religions are equal:eek:

When Peter Phillips married recently his wife had to change to C of E.

I am C of E i just find it strange.

Because in the unlikely event that he inherits the throne , he becomes the 'head' of the Church of England.

I would not want anyone teaching my child about same sex families ( not under three's anyhow ). You must be very careful to be sensitive to peoples religions/beliefs. As a Christian I would want to talk about the subject from a Christian view point.

[wendywu]

Why cant the head of the church of england be married to a Catholic? Would that not bring people together.

Ahhh what if the heir to the throne was gay then, would he be allowed to take the throne when his time came. Would he be allowed to live in a same sex partnership as King of England?:rolleyes:

[Twinkles]

Why cant the head of the church of england be married to a Catholic? Would that not bring people together. Never going to happen :D
Ahhh what if the heir to the throne was gay then, would he be allowed to take the throne when his time came. Would he be allowed to live in a same sex partnership as King of England?:rolleyes: Can you imagine the uproar :laughing: when there was so much fuss about the heir marrying a divorcee.

[Pedagog]

Okay here is my experience. My best friends daughter was 3 at the time, friends brother lived with his male friend. The daughter was taught all about same sex couples by well meaning nursery. Friend had to then explain that no her brother was not in love with his friend.

And then you have my youngest son, who has asperger's and asks very straightforward questions, when he was about 5 he found out, well worked out that friends of ours were a same sex couple, mainly as they only had one bed in their one bedroom flat, soon after he saw them out with my friends daughter (3) from a previous relationship, my son marched straight up to them and innocently asked how two man had manged to have a bay, which one had been pregnant. Whole can of worms trying to explain that to someone else's child, bad enough with your own.

As I said before, have books with same sex couples in, maybe have just one sex of dolls in the dolls house, but why teach it, by teaching it you are making a big thing of it.

[Heaven Scent]

As I said before, have books with same sex couples in, maybe have just one sex of dolls in the dolls house, but why teach it, by teaching it you are making a big thing of it.
Today 02:53 PM

(Sorry Newbie I can't do the quote thing so I'v put the quote from your post into red.)


I agree entirely with what you have said Newbie I was really tired last night (and sober to boot) when I wrote the post and went all around the houses this is what I meant by children take things at face value I just don't see any point in making a big thing of it as if the idea is around them then they will absorb it - no need to make an issue of it as doing soo suggests it may be questionable.