Crying

[alex1604]

Hi everyone


I'm hoping for a little bit of advice. I've been looking after a 2.5 yr old boy since the start of Feb. At first he was fine being dropped off but is gradually getting worse. Last week he cried for nearly an hour and yesterday on and off all morning. He stops for a while and then just stars again for no apparent reason. He just stands by the door screaming mummy mummy and nothing I do helps or stops him.

I drop his brother to school on Tuesdays and this is normally the best day as they all come in he car rather than him being dropped to me. This morning he cried nearly all the way to school and then when we left his brother he was crazy.

Don't really know what to do and nothing I try helps! Given in and put the tv on for 10 mins as its the only thing that stops him! I can't do this all the time though!

When he does stop he's really chatty and happy and I'm sure he's happy here from what his mum has said and the way he acts when he's happy but I just dread every morning at the moment as I know the first hour will be horrible!

Help!

[QualityCare]

Hi, sorry but he is crying for a reason, he is missing mummy, the 'honeymoon period' is now over and reality has set in, lots of reassurance is needed to help him settle and feel secure, when he arrives hold his hand say goodbye to mum on doorstep tell mum it is better to go even if he is crying and you will text later to reassure her if she is that sort of mum, some don't mind if child cries as they know they soon settle, have something exciting ready for him, see if mum will give him something of hers to 'look after' "until l come back for you". Going to school was a distraction, now he see's it as mum has left him and now his brother as well, do you pick brother up if you do remind him we'll be going to get x soon' and mummy will be back soon. Lots of cuddles and reassurance and he will settle, persevere it will get better.

[littlemiss60561]

I had one same age, that cried for ages each time but fine and dandy once settled. I showed her the clock once and said mummy will be back at 1 and she focused on that the rest of the morning. Stopped crying and every now and then went back to check the clock. Mentioned to mum that a watch may help and since then she has bought her mums old watch in. It doesn't work but she's ok with that! Now it stays in her bag if she even brings it.
Good luck x

[sarah707]

Why can't you put the tv on for a bit to settle him? If a child here needed that then that's what I would do!

We need to do whatever each child needs for them to feel comfortable and supported - and if that's an old watch, a visual timetable, a teddy, a scarf to look after or the tv for a bit then fine! :D

[supermumy]

If the tv is the only thing that settles him I would see this to maybe bond with the mindee
Watch a programme together and use that to chat and get to know and trust you, within a few weeks he probably won't need the tv but for now he needs reassurance and tlc :)

[charlottenash]

My son was like that at a similar age.


A daily diary helped I put something in he could chat about with keyworker and we phased it out once he settled.

Also a scarf of mums is good, you can leave it where he can see it and say mummy's coming back for this later remember.

Good luck :)

[alex1604]

thanks for all the replies. Mum does leave quickly as she knows he settles quicker when she's gone and I try to reassure him but i end up getting slapped round the face!

I feel better about the TV now, it's just when they joined mum asked about the tv and I said I don't put it on so worried she wouldn't approve, I'm sure she'd be happy for me to do whatever he needs to settle though so going to mention it to her.

[Becci26]

Yes I agree with the others and would def use the tv to help him settle if that's all that works - you will find the more he settles the less u will need to use it and then can gradually phase it out if you really don't want to have it on.

Don't feel bad about it, if it helps it can only be a good thing :)

[mushpea]

Ive looked after an almost 3yrold since he was 9 months old, when a child left earlier this year who had also been with us for 2.5yrs he started to cry when mum left , it got worse and worse, i know he has tv on constantly at home as mum has told me this so the last couple of weeks the bribe has been to have the tv on if he arrives and dosent cry and most days it works, he has about 30mins of tv then we turn it off and do our activities or play and he's fine after that, I know he misses the other one as they grew up together almost and as much as I hate having tv on when he's here as i dont feel thats what I am paid for it settles him and after his tv time he's happy so if it works with your mindee to help him settle then go for it and as somone else said you can always use that time for bonding.

[alex1604]

Well we've had a much better start to the day! Not much crying when he was dropped off and I know Octonauts is his fave so we're having a cuddle while we watch that, we've even had smiles! Phew! Will try to turn it off after this and see how it goes!

Thanks so much for the advice everyone!