My DD is unhappy at lunchtime

[Zoomie]

My DD started Reception in Sept and just before half term, a dinner-lady friend of mine said to me that she cries every lunchtime. :(

DD has told me she wants me at lunch time and cries, but to be honest I took it with a pinch of salt, gave her a hug and pat and reassured her that I missed her too. I never thought it was an everyday occurrence.

I did talk to her teacher just before half term and she was surprised, saying DD was happy when in the classroom and hasn't seem any evidence of tears when she came back from lunch-break.

I usually pass the playground at lunchtime 2x a week when I walk a mindee home, and she always comes over and chats to me, and although I could see she isn't overly happy, she hasn't seemed to be overly upset (dinner lady says that they tell her to run over and see me, but to wipe away her tears / sadness) either.

I think I shall put a sticker or love note in her lunch bag so that she has something to look forward to but it breaks my heart and I don't really know what to do. Dinnerlady said it might be better to avoid walking passed the school on those 2 days a week I have mindee (we can walk around the block) :(:(

I

[caz3007]

I agree with the dinner lady, if your DD is struggling a little it may be easier if she doesnt see you. Its quite unsettling for small children to see their parents especially if they would rather be at home

[AliceK]

Oh god, doesn't it just break your heart :( My DD is the same age and sometimes she will tell me she has cried at school and when I ask her why she will just say she wanted me. Thankfully it's not a regular thing but I know when she went to the school nursery she went through a stage of crying every morning. I used to wave through the window to her when I left but I thought that may not be helping as she can see me going back home with the mindees and that might be making her more sad. I explained to her that I needed to go another way out of school to see a parent and so I wouldn't be able to wave to her anymore for a while. She did settle after a while. I think it probably wont be helping her to see you with a mindee but not be able to be going home with you so maybe you could go another way but make sure you explain it to her beforehand with a suitable excuse.

xxx

[wendywu]

Put something special in her lunch box for her, some little treat for her to look forward to.

Has she no little friends that she plays with. Bless her you dont like to think of a little one being sad.

Do they have a classroom bear that comes home, maybe teachers could say she could take it home on a friday if she manages to be brave for the week :thumbsup:

[loocyloo]

alot of children struggle at lunchtime because the lunch hall is noisy, chaotic and sometimes rushed.

do they have their own place to sit and each lunch ( ie the same place everyday? ) or is it a free for all. maybe if your DD can always sit with a friend, and then they can go out to play together after? i know my DS got upset in reception as he was just told to sit in a space, not next to his friends, and then they were sent out to play as soon as they had finished, so then often 'lost' each other and didn't find them to play with? his teacher then made sure that they at least went into lunch in pairs and the dinner ladies were told they needed to sit together and wait for each other!

i like the idea of a sticker or little note in her lunch box.

good luck.

hugs to you & your DD

[Mouse]

Poor DD & poor you. Heartbreaking isn't it?

I agree with the dinner lady and would avoid the playground at lunchtime. It might seem a tough approach, but think about it from a childminding point of view. If you had an unhappy mindee, having a parent appear for a few minutes at lunchtime wouldn't really help, would it? Also, if she starts to expect to see you, it's going to be even harder on her if you don't turn up one day.

I would also speak to the teacher again. Very often they are totally unaware of what goes on at lunchtime. They don't see the children between them going to lunch & coming back for the afternoon. Just because she says DD doesn't come back in upset doesn't mean she isn't upset & shows that the teacher probably isn't aware of what's happening. Ask her to help put a plan in place for your daughter. It could be that she doesn't like the crowds, that she's tired, that she's a bit lost as to what to do. Maybe she could be directed to a quieter area with just a couple of friends, away from the hustle & bustle with a quiet game to play to keep her busy, but where she can relax a bit as well.

[Zoomie]

DD tells me today that she didn't cry and wasn't sad .... and I went the long way around, so didn't see her in the playground.

I am still going to put a special sticker in her lunch box. I've left the back on, so she can stick it on herself.

She doesn't seem to have a special friend at school. She did like one particular girl, but that girl now seems to have had enough of her. When I've seen her in the playground, she has just been part of the crowd. I think the reception children are the only ones in the dinner hall (there are two classes, so still 45 children), but will check the situation.

[lubeam]

awe i hate it when they cry and your not there :(
ds1 says ds2 often crys in school but ds2 never says and teachers no nothing ! after talking to ds2 i dont think its for anything major more just him expressing himself, as hes got ADHD its all too much some times and hes so soft he would never hit out (only at ds1 lol) so he just expresses him self that way ! still not nice thou.
glad today went better :) like the lunch box sticker idea ! :clapping: