Argh, am I being too harsh?

[*Katrina*]

For a few nights when I have gone to check on my children once they've gone to bed (son 6, daughter nearly 2) I have found patches of water on the ladder of my son's high sleeper, on the floor and on my daughter's bed (she sleeps in the same room under the high-sleeper bed). Well last night I went to check and caught my son sat up on his bed spitting down onto his sleeping sister!!! :eek: :angry:
I think the reason he is doing it is because he doesn't agree with his bedtime in the summer hols, he thinks he should be allowed to stay up late but I prefer consistency especially because I am sure if DD realised then it would affect her bedtimes which is something we have only just got into a nice routine...anyway... my son was supposed to be staying over at my mum's house for a "sleepover" tomorrow and I have now said he can't go, he will have to wait until next week. My mum thinks I am being harsh and am I sure he wasn't dribbling in his sleep?! :rolleyes:

I'm not being too harsh am I?
I think spitting is disgusting and the amount he has been doing it over several nights and onto his sister is horrid. :(

[AliceK]

For a few nights when I have gone to check on my children once they've gone to bed (son 6, daughter nearly 2) I have found patches of water on the ladder of my son's high sleeper, on the floor and on my daughter's bed (she sleeps in the same room under the high-sleeper bed). Well last night I went to check and caught my son sat up on his bed spitting down onto his sleeping sister!!! :eek: :angry:
I think the reason he is doing it is because he doesn't agree with his bedtime in the summer hols, he thinks he should be allowed to stay up late but I prefer consistency especially because I am sure if DD realised then it would affect her bedtimes which is something we have only just got into a nice routine...anyway... my son was supposed to be staying over at my mum's house for a "sleepover" tomorrow and I have now said he can't go, he will have to wait until next week. My mum thinks I am being harsh and am I sure he wasn't dribbling in his sleep?! :rolleyes:

I'm not being too harsh am I?
I think spitting is disgusting and the amount he has been doing it over several nights and onto his sister is horrid. :(

Errghh, that is horrible but actually quite funny too, sorry :blush:. You're right though. I hate spitting too, can't stand seeing people doing it in the street. I think you're right to stand by the consequences. I sometimes get family telling me I can be too harsh but my children will be bought up properly with good manners and respect so yes sometimes I am very strict.

xxxxx

[rickysmiths]

I agree with you. He is old enough to realsie there is a consequence to his actions.

[margimum]

Yes I think you're being harsh!! I know I am too soft, but you have not given your ds a warning for this behaviour. If he is not given a chance to stop before receiving a sanction then that feels a bit mean to me.
Plus your dd and you are missing out on time without your ds around!!

[EmmaReed84]

Yes I think you're being harsh!! I know I am too soft, but you have not given your ds a warning for this behaviour. If he is not given a chance to stop before receiving a sanction then that feels a bit mean to me.
Plus your dd and you are missing out on time without your ds around!!

I get what you are saying about warnings, however there are somethings that do not need warnings such as smacking and such things warrant instant sanctions.

My son is 6 and he KNOWS spitting is not allowed, he doesn't need a warning to know he shouldn't do it. Therefore if it were my son I would do the exact same thing as OP...

[Ripeberry]

Brothers are horrid things...I know I've got one ;) But I would let him go just to show that I trust that he will change his behaviour. And as someone said, your daughter would miss that special time with the parents and having the bedroom to herself.

[Pipsqueak]

For a few nights when I have gone to check on my children once they've gone to bed (son 6, daughter nearly 2) I have found patches of water on the ladder of my son's high sleeper, on the floor and on my daughter's bed (she sleeps in the same room under the high-sleeper bed). Well last night I went to check and caught my son sat up on his bed spitting down onto his sleeping sister!!! :eek: :angry:
I think the reason he is doing it is because he doesn't agree with his bedtime in the summer hols, he thinks he should be allowed to stay up late but I prefer consistency especially because I am sure if DD realised then it would affect her bedtimes which is something we have only just got into a nice routine...anyway... my son was supposed to be staying over at my mum's house for a "sleepover" tomorrow and I have now said he can't go, he will have to wait until next week. My mum thinks I am being harsh and am I sure he wasn't dribbling in his sleep?! :rolleyes:

I'm not being too harsh am I?
I think spitting is disgusting and the amount he has been doing it over several nights and onto his sister is horrid. :(

No I don't think you are being too harsh at all and i think young man needs to learn a lesson

think your mum is probably more disappointed than questioning your parenting skills.;)

[cara1235]

No your not being too harsh i totally agree that he needs to learn that spitting will not be tolerated at any time and if it were my ds he certainly would not be having a sleepover!!!!!

[Boris]

No you're not being harsh. He's old enough to know spitting is wrong. My mum always tells me I am too hard on my kids but she's so soft with them. She was never that soft with me when I was little!! Stick to your guns hun, even though it's hard xx

[BuggsieMoo]

No, I dont think you are being too harsh. He is old enough to know better. He is your child, not your mothers and therefore it is your rules and your discipline, not hers xx

[mama2three]

I dont think its harsh at all. He is quite old enough to know that spitting is disgusting and unacceptable and that his behaviour needs to improve before he gets treats like sleepovers.

[Mouse]

Poor little chap. At 6yrs old he's being made to go to bed earlier than he thinks because of his 1yr old sister. No wonder he's resentful.

I'm not condoning the spitting at all, it's horrible, but I can see why he's doing something to express how he's feeling.

I would be trying to tackle his resentment and see if there's some sort of compromise you can agree on. Give him a chance to apologise and show he can behave in a more appropriate way.

Other posters are saying that at 6yrs old he is old enough to know it's wrong, but maybe at 6yrs old he's old enough to go to bed a bit later in the holidays?

[Zoomie]

As you caught your DS sitting up and spitting at his sister, I think you are justified.

[Beaka]

Poor little chap. At 6yrs old he's being made to go to bed earlier than he thinks because of his 1yr old sister. No wonder he's resentful.

I'm not condoning the spitting at all, it's horrible, but I can see why he's doing something to express how he's feeling.

I would be trying to tackle his resentment and see if there's some sort of compromise you can agree on. Give him a chance to apologise and show he can behave in a more appropriate way.

Other posters are saying that at 6yrs old he is old enough to know it's wrong, but maybe at 6yrs old he's old enough to go to bed a bit later in the holidays?

I agree, he's trying to tell you that he's unhappy through his behaviour. I would talk it all through with him and get to the bottom of it. Stopping the sleepover is counter-productive for you all. xx

[Tippy Toes]

I think it is a little bit harsh to be honest.

I know it's not nice what he was doing, my son was doing the same thing a few months back. how strange is that? I noticed wet patches on the ladder steps and quilt and could not understand where it was coming from. then I saw him doing it!! I was not happy,

is he well behaved at other times? if so I would let him off on this one, of course making him fully aware that it is not acceptable behavior and that he is never to do it again.

I think at 6 yes they should know better but they are still very young.

I told my son i was very disappointed In him and he was not to do it again otherwise all privileges would be taken away, such as tv time and time on his ds. he hasn't done it since.

if your son was spitting after you had told him it was unacceptable then I would agree with not letting him sleepover.

[FussyElmo]

I dont think you were too harsh in fact if i caught my ds doing such a thing doubtful if he would be going on a sleepover for a long time till i was sure he would never spit again.

Doesnt matter if we agree with your bedtime rountine or not it is what suits your family. If you little boy is upset at the earlier bedtime and thinks spitting onto his sisters bed is the answer then he does need to learn consequences of his actions and by the sound of it there was a lot of spit.

Also my way of thinking if he is allowed to go now then he will think spitting is the answer and will continue.

Children they are sent to try us :thumbsup:

[VeggieSausage]

No I think that is fair enough and not too harsh, hopefully he won't do it again, unacceptable behaviour!

[*Katrina*]

Thanks for the opinions and replies.

I am happy now that I wasn't too harsh and agree my mum was probably disappointed that she's not having her little mate coming to play ;)

He is well behaved the majority of the time (I won't claim he is all the time because EVERY child has their moments). He knows spitting is dirty and wrong, whenever we see a footballer on tv or a man in the street spitting we always say how yucky it is. I don't feel a warning is suitable here, it should never have occurred in the first place, by warning him it shouldn't happen again I feel gives him the opportunity to continue with the behaviour thinking he can be sneaky and not get caught like on the previous occasions.

[sonyach]

You are absolutely right and should stick to your guns consistency is key children need to know what is acceptable and what is not, well done you!!

[sarah707]

I used to try very hard never to impose sanctions that made my life more difficult :laughing:

So I'd have withdrawn something else but let him go on the sleepover because that was a break for me :p

Hugs xx

[kellib]

I used to try very hard never to impose sanctions that made my life more difficult :laughing:

So I'd have withdrawn something else but let him go on the sleepover because that was a break for me :p

Hugs xx

:laughing: That's exactly what I would have done!

[Mouse]

I used to try very hard never to impose sanctions that made my life more difficult :laughing:

So I'd have withdrawn something else but let him go on the sleepover because that was a break for me :p

Hugs xx

:laughing::laughing:

My DH always used to tell our children they were grounded. I had to tell him not to do that. He was out at work all day and it was me stuck at home, working and having to deal with stroppy teenagers :rolleyes:

[Tippy Toes]

I used to try very hard never to impose sanctions that made my life more difficult :laughing:

So I'd have withdrawn something else but let him go on the sleepover because that was a break for me :p

Hugs xx

I agree!

I usually stop them having any television/time on computer. That seems to really work.

I got the idea from the Cathy Glass book - Happy kids. Really good book with ideas/ways of managing behavior xx

[Mrs Dolphin]

I personally don't think it is too harsh as its disgusting, but regardless of that you now HAVE to follow through and not allow him to go as you have said that. I think the worse thing you can do is go back on what you say as then all they learn is mum won't follow though!

My 2 (nearly 5 and 2yrs) go to bed sametime (holiday or no) I don't mind if they play in their beds for a bit but me and my husband need the evenings to ourselves. They are upstairs for 7pm so we can then relax. I am lucky in that the may play in bed for half an hour but then send themselves off to sleep without any problems.

[mushpea]

you are certainaly not being to harsh,, he needs to learn its not acceptable and if you let him go now he will just think he can get a way with things,,

[The Juggler]

I used to try very hard never to impose sanctions that made my life more difficult :laughing:

So I'd have withdrawn something else but let him go on the sleepover because that was a break for me :p

Hugs xx

me too :blush: i would have warned him, stopped some TV time or something similar. I don't think stopping the sleepover is too harsh just counterproductive for you. Spitting is horrible and some sanctions are necessary. However, I agree he might be demonstrating his resentment about the early nights and that it might be nice to let him stay up a little later than his sister to show you trust and treat him as an older/big brother.

Could he go a little later than his sister??