Daily diaries

[lorettacritchet]

Hi, I am not quite sure exactly how honest to be in the daily diaries - what I mean is regarding a child's behaviour/moods.

At the moment, I have a full time 10 month old, she is a nightmare and is so jealous that I can't even comfort my 3 year old if she hurts herself, i can't go to the toilet etc. I usually just let her cry until I know she needs the comfort rather than her crying to get the attention she wants. This baby is so very clingy without reason, she has lots of company of all ages and gets lots of interaction etc. Obviously when the mother comes to pick her up I tell her what's going on but had such a bad day with her today. I have been so honest with her I am thinking I am a little too brutal with the truth. Do you as childminders do the same? I even write all the same things in the book i.e crying, grumpiness but saying "Baby seems a little grumpy" etc I feel like it's too negative but it's all true!! I try to be tactful but it's hard to say your baby is a nightmare! I usually just say the baby has had a tough day and then try and smooth it by saying I am sure it's her gums (although she hasn't broken any teeth yet and seems perfectly happy but only when picked up or sitting on the lap)

[rachelle]

I try to phrase it as 'x has seemed quite unsettled today' or 'has enjoyed cuddles and preferred lap to floor play'

If I put the above in the diary I tend to talk to the parent at collection and ask how they comfort at home etc

It will get better - hang on in there xx

[jumping j]

I also put x has been a little clingy today

I have a lo who is so used to one on one time with mum he hates me doing anything with other lo's.
Luckily mum can read between the lines and fully supports me.
I do make a point of writing in the diary if he's been really good and settled well, last time I got a bottle of wine for my efforts :D

[lorettacritchet]

Yeah I do this too but put grumpy and clingy and try and style it out by using excuses like she's appears to be tired or teething....when handing over I do try to add positive too like she ate all her food today and giggled at this, danced a little, managing to stand well etc.
Well yeah this is my problem, the mother and I were chatting yesterday morning only for her to see due to the fact my daughter was sitting on my lap, the baby went mad trying to push her off my lap in her own way and the mother said "i have never seen her like this, I am sitting here and she's wanting you but only because your daughter is on your lap" and then commented how jealous the baby was. :blush:



I also put x has been a little clingy today

I have a lo who is so used to one on one time with mum he hates me doing anything with other lo's.
Luckily mum can read between the lines and fully supports me.
I do make a point of writing in the diary if he's been really good and settled well, last time I got a bottle of wine for my efforts :D

[miffy]

I always try and put a positive slant when writing the diaries. It's good mum has witnessed her dd's behaviour when you give attention to another child - at least she will be able to read between the lines now!

Miffy xx

[sarah707]

For every negative about a child to parents you need at least 7 positive statements...

Bear that in mind and you won't go far wrong :D

[Carol M]

Hi, I am not quite sure exactly how honest to be in the daily diaries - what I mean is regarding a child's behaviour/moods.

At the moment, I have a full time 10 month old, she is a nightmare and is so jealous that I can't even comfort my 3 year old if she hurts herself, i can't go to the toilet etc. I usually just let her cry until I know she needs the comfort rather than her crying to get the attention she wants. This baby is so very clingy without reason, she has lots of company of all ages and gets lots of interaction etc. Obviously when the mother comes to pick her up I tell her what's going on but had such a bad day with her today. I have been so honest with her I am thinking I am a little too brutal with the truth. Do you as childminders do the same? I even write all the same things in the book i.e crying, grumpiness but saying "Baby seems a little grumpy" etc I feel like it's too negative but it's all true!! I try to be tactful but it's hard to say your baby is a nightmare! I usually just say the baby has had a tough day and then try and smooth it by saying I am sure it's her gums (although she hasn't broken any teeth yet and seems perfectly happy but only when picked up or sitting on the lap)

:eek: only 10 mths old, this is a BABY! I think this is perfectly normal behaviour for this age, I don't think a baby can be jealous. I would be describing your day with baby in a very positive way to parents but informing them of your thoughts re teething etc and describing the experiences you have provided for lo. I think your baby is just being a baby and we should expect this sort of thing.Babies NEED lots of cuddles. I wouldn't want to be upsetting a mum by too many negative comments.
Carol xx

[blue bear]

How Long have you had baby, sounds like separation anxiety to me. Personally I couldn't just leave babe to cry its not my way and would be looking at ways to settle her like sitting with her between my legs then next to me and gradually moving away, building her self confidence and reassuring her I'm still there and will be back.
Is she an only child, if she is being at yours when it's busy might be a bit overwhelming to her and she might feel more secure In Her own place, like a buggy, playpen. Box, cosy area etc. She is still very young and it's not uncommon for tiny ones to cry and be clingy.

Try looking at ways to help her to cope with being separated with mum and concentrate on them in the diary, eg x needed lots of cuddles today, she liked being cosied up in the buggy and watching the others play around her. X sat next to me while I cuddled my daughter, I patted her leg to help her stay calm and be reassured. It's still obvious little one is unsettled but reassures mum you are taking positive steps to help lo over come her anxiety, which I'm sure you are already doing.

[lorettacritchet]

I have had the baby since June. It's def not separation anxiety, she has no care in the world when she watches her mum leave, she is the youngest in a family of six kids. She in fact gets excited when her mum turns her car into my road.
Some babies, despite whether anyone agrees with my opinion, just cry for attention seeking and because they want picking up constantly but i can't do that when I am cooking for example! The family themselves have called the baby jealous not me! I just agreed because of the situation with my daughter even when her mum is sitting nearby. This baby regularly wants attention which is fine but there's a balance to what i can do, I cannot just pay attention to her and no one else. Have tried joining her in a small group when i have the other kids but she doesn't seem to like being involved with that, even when i comfort her or have her next to me. Generally she is in a setting where I am not overwhelmed with children so she does get plenty of attention and it is definetely jealousy as I am not allowed to physically comforting to my daughter when she has fallen or when she feels like I am paying too much attention to the baby. As soon as I stop paying attention to my daughter, pick up the baby she smiles straight away! I know this post makes me seem ungrateful to have this baby and I can handle things, i only came on here to see how i could put a positive spin on the baby's moods to the parent as hate being negative all the time.



How Long have you had baby, sounds like separation anxiety to me. Personally I couldn't just leave babe to cry its not my way and would be looking at ways to settle her like sitting with her between my legs then next to me and gradually moving away, building her self confidence and reassuring her I'm still there and will be back.
Is she an only child, if she is being at yours when it's busy might be a bit overwhelming to her and she might feel more secure In Her own place, like a buggy, playpen. Box, cosy area etc. She is still very young and it's not uncommon for tiny ones to cry and be clingy.

Try looking at ways to help her to cope with being separated with mum and concentrate on them in the diary, eg x needed lots of cuddles today, she liked being cosied up in the buggy and watching the others play around her. X sat next to me while I cuddled my daughter, I patted her leg to help her stay calm and be reassured. It's still obvious little one is unsettled but reassures mum you are taking positive steps to help lo over come her anxiety, which I'm sure you are already doing.

[kareninluton]

Hi
sounds tough. I would keep a record of the behaviour and give what attention is needed. if you need to tend to your 3 year old then do unless its obvious the baby is in a greater need. I do think there is a reason behind the behaviour, whether teething, anxiety, a food intolerance, an undiagnosed special need or a child protection issue. talk to the mum about her experience with her baby, does the behaviour happen at home. make sure you are talking with mum, maybe she needs to talk to her health visitor. take note of other things too like her poo (if its runny, really soft, normal or hard). I think the issue is not how to write this in her daily diary but how to go forward. you don't want to lie to mum, other wise nothing will change, the problem needs resolving. also speak to your early years team if you have one, or a health professional for advice. I hope you get this sorted.

Karen
(mum of 5 one with adhd, aspergers, attachment disorder and conduct disorder, one with lactose intolerance and another with wheat and milk allergies)

[lorettacritchet]

ahhh thanks karen, will do. i write everything in the diary but do try to word it nicely. The baby does the same thing at home too! according to the mother and other children but as soon as there's a peep out of her they give her skips crisps, choc biscuits and put despicable me (the film) on - again info they have given me. Obv these options are out for me! The only other thing the mother has mentioned is that the baby doesnt like any one else apart from family members and never falls asleep with them so she is well pleased that according to her the baby has settled in so well. Gonna be hard for the mum as she is due to give birth in a few months!



Hi
sounds tough. I would keep a record of the behaviour and give what attention is needed. if you need to tend to your 3 year old then do unless its obvious the baby is in a greater need. I do think there is a reason behind the behaviour, whether teething, anxiety, a food intolerance, an undiagnosed special need or a child protection issue. talk to the mum about her experience with her baby, does the behaviour happen at home. make sure you are talking with mum, maybe she needs to talk to her health visitor. take note of other things too like her poo (if its runny, really soft, normal or hard). I think the issue is not how to write this in her daily diary but how to go forward. you don't want to lie to mum, other wise nothing will change, the problem needs resolving. also speak to your early years team if you have one, or a health professional for advice. I hope you get this sorted.

Karen
(mum of 5 one with adhd, aspergers, attachment disorder and conduct disorder, one with lactose intolerance and another with wheat and milk allergies)

[migimoo]

Gonna be hard for the mum as she is due to give birth in a few months!

It's gonna be a nightmare for her poor woman!

I agree that it's ok to say baby's been clingy/grumpy I just try to balance it with a positive comment too. "X got very upset when I had to comfort another child who had fallen but when we moved on to story time she sat and had a lovely cuddle with all of us and it was soon forgotten"

I used to 'job share' with another childminder and we used the same daily diary-her entries were awful,just negative comments such as "I've had a headache due to X's ear splitting screaming" and "oh dear-that just set her off screaming...again!" it really gave you the impression that she just didn't like the child at all.

[lorettacritchet]

I definetely am not that bad! I just say "X seems a little grumpy, could be teething as dribbling a lot or tired as rubbing eyes" or "X seems really unahppy at me doing this" etc....thats the worst I get!



It's gonna be a nightmare for her poor woman!

I agree that it's ok to say baby's been clingy/grumpy I just try to balance it with a positive comment too. "X got very upset when I had to comfort another child who had fallen but when we moved on to story time she sat and had a lovely cuddle with all of us and it was soon forgotten"

I used to 'job share' with another childminder and we used the same daily diary-her entries were awful,just negative comments such as "I've had a headache due to X's ear splitting screaming" and "oh dear-that just set her off screaming...again!" it really gave you the impression that she just didn't like the child at all.

[chockywockydoda]

If this child is the youngest of 6 then perhaps she has learnt that to get some attention you need to make some noise!

I have seen similar behaviour in my 2 - 3 year olds when mum has had a new baby. I usually put it down to the fact the they suddenly need to fight for attention at home as mum would be spending a lot of time with the baby!

Like others have said I would try to find a method which I could cope with, but still helping the baby to feel reassured that you are there if they need you.

Hope it gets easier soon!

[mum24]

I have had a couple of similar children.
Just last year had one little one who cried constantly if I didn't hold her. I had to put her down sometimes to attend to the other children and she would just wail and wial. It was really wearing and I just didn't know how to put across to mum (this was a first child and mum very anxious about leaving her) that her lilttle one was really fine, just finding settling a bit difficult. So I just said this was typical behaviour settling in to a new routine and I gradually held baby less and less, letting her sit beside me, then at my feet and gradually distancing myself.
Now she is just turned two and very confident, talks to everyone and completely turned around, but boy was it difficult at first.
I do appreciate your difficulty in what to say to mum, but do try to find upbeat things about the day, little funny things that happen, and the situation will get better.

[Chimps Childminding]

I had a child from 8 months to 16 months who just didn't settle. Cried everytime I left the room to see to someone else, get lunch, etc etc even though he could still see me. To start with I just put the odd comment now and again about still not settling very well, but as he wasn't getting any better and it was starting to affect others (one little girl didn't want to come when he was here) I decided to be honest, because I thought if I decide to give notice and I haven't said anything mum will wonder what on earth is going on.

In the end the family decided to try him at nursery instead!