Feeling totally exhausted

[EmmaReed84]

I am so sorry for keep posting, all I feel like I do at the moment is moan. I am actually a happy upbeat person... honest! I am just feeling the strain at the moment. Not really looking for replies, but just need to vent as I have no one else to talk to and the more I am bottling it up for more tense, stressed, upset I am becoming.

I feel so totally emotionally exhausted, I am being pulled in so many directions emotionally and trying so hard with so many people and just feel that I cant do it any more.

I have a painfully shy mindee, who cries at everything and moans ALL the time so a lot of my efforts are on helping build his confidence... Sounds harsh but now I am just having to get tough on him and ignore it. I think his mum is super super soft and tries to reason with him... I have stopped that and when he moans at me for nothing I ignore him and he stops... This is so hard for me as it is not in my nature to do this.

Because of this mindee I am aware my DS(3) is feeling a bit left out so I am also really making an extra effort for him, giving him lots of cuddles, kisses, talking and playing with him and having a giggle with him. I also make sure he get some special time on the weekends when it is just MY family at home.

Add to this DS (6) who is being referred to a peadiatric physcologist for his behaviour. I am now having to re think my entire parenting strategy with him and not get cross. When I can see he is getting to the point of meltdown I am having to go to calm him down and talk to him. I am being really careful not to get angry or frustrated at the time which is really hard some times when he is really acting out... I have had to talk to him explain his behaviour is not acceptable, and that he needs Cameron time in his room to chill, he can play, read a book or watch telly, I just need to get him out of the situation that is making him hyperactive.

On Wednesday my friend came round with a bottle of wine and some of her stuff from the playschool also shy mindees folder so she can help me with this EYFS lark and observations, also to talk about how we move forward with mindee... She didnt leave until gone midnight and I had to be up at 5.45am DH went to bed at about 11ish and called me... yes called me on the phone! to tell me it was midnight... er thank you I know that! I went to bed and he said "Well it is nice to know you can stay up till all hours with your friend, but not me... thanks alot I feel really special now" I just told him to shut up and went to sleep.

Yesterday we were both tired I had done a 12 hour day minding from 6.45am and Thursdays are my hardest days. DH went to bed at 9pm to watch a film so I went up also, we were chatting about DS(6) and his behaviour for about half an hour so missed the beginning of the film anyway... I laid down turned to my side facing him and he said "Oh you are going to sleep? Thanks a lot... see you make no effort with me!" I didnt have an "arguement" but more a heated talk about the fact DH thinks I need to make an effort with him because he always makes the effort with me and I make him feel unloved because I get tired in the week and go to bed early, but I stayed up late ONE night...

I moved down to Essex 7 years ago and never really had any of my own friends they were all DH's friends or GF's of DH friends... never MY friends. Anyway I make a really good friend at work who I still keep in touch with and the ONE day I went to meet her for lunch when I only had DS with me moaned "Oh it;s alright for some... you never asked to come meet me for lunch!" This was the only time I had a day off where I could actually go out!!! I have also made a friend at the school a mum of someone Cameron knows and she is lovely. A few Wednesdays ago she came round for a coffee... Wednesday am my mindees are at playschool and the one I have is asleep... DH called in the afternoon and asked how I was how is your day so far etc so I said it had been nice... X came round we had a coffee and a chat "Oh... well dont you think you could have got some housework done considering Y is asleep and the others are at playschool?" I was so angry at him... Then this Wednesday night thing which is the first time that has EVER happened... All day Thursday I knew I would be tired and want an early night and dreaded it because I knew if I said I was going to bed DH would moan about it...

I know he loves me and wants to spend time with me, but I feel like with everything else I do trying to please him and have to think, Oh should I do this is DH rather than that with someone else... I need some time for ME!!! Although according to DH the hour I get on a Saturday to go food shopping is my time to be away from the kids I have gone to the salon twice to get my nails done once and my eyebrows... and apparently I am not doing that all the time!!!

I know I am making him sound like a total ar$e but he isnt really, he is just very lovely dovey, cuddly kissy and I am not really like that... dont get me wrong I like cuddles and kisses as much as the next person, but this borders on suffocating...

Ugh.... Sorry for going on

[sandy64]

just wanted to send you a big hug bless you sound so low we are here to listen maybe you need a total chill out weekend to regain strength keep working with lo she will get better

[Mel_Johnson]

Hi Emma, I can sympathise with on this one. My DH isn't quite as bad though with the cuddly stuff etc. He gets grumpy with me for going to my friends for coffee, she is about to have her second baby (40weeks and counting) and just started maternity leave. I am also 18 weeks pregnant with a 2 year who is up at 5am or wakes for 2 hours at night so I am shattered all the time. He doesn't seem to understand that sometimes you need those odd hours with aduts to keep sane when you are with kids all day and if you are tired the last thing you want to do is clean. My lot are at school/playgroup eveyday till 11:30 so I am quite lucky that I can get so me time eventhough I am expected to do the housework during this time (not going to happen if I have only had 4 hours sleep like last night). I think his main problem is that he doesn't understand how hard it is to deal with 2 x 4years olds and 1x 2 year when all you want is your bed.
We did have a sit down and a chat about spliting the house chores and spending time together earlier in the evening so I could go to bed early and then he could do anything he needed to do when I was in bed (usually PS3) and every other weekend I cook him a nice meal and we do something to gether as a family or we go to the cinema. It seems to have helped alot.

Maybe you guys could sit down and book in some couple time together. You don't have to do a lot just spend the time together.
I wouldn't stop seeing friends during the day or evening either you need time to do want you want too.

Hope things improve soon xx

[~Grasshopper~]

boy can i emphathise with you hun.
my dp just doesnt understand, after all i spend all day at home., why isnt his tea on the table when he gets home, his shirts ironed and the children all feed and ready for bed. .

he spends all day sat home alone doing whatever he likes whilst i take our boys 2&4 to visit my family, then on sunday (my only day off) when im trying to get the housework done he moans cos im not spending time with the kids. i cant win honestly. im with them all the time and i just need a couple of hours to clean and wash ect ect.

xx

[Polly2]

aww hun you sound so stressed - I think you need a holiday. Could you maybe arrange a weekend away with your hubby?

We went to Center Parcs last week and it really did the trick for us - I feel so much better about work and am balancing my time with DH too.

Maybe you just need some chill time together?

[LOOPYLISA]

I agree i think you need a evening out with hubby can you get a sitter?

Hope it gets better for you x

[EmmaReed84]

Thank you ladies... I had a proper talk with DH, usually I just bottle it up and carry on then DH says one wrong thing and I erupt. Friday night we had a chilled out evening and Saturday night I had a botle of wine and we stayed up until 2am playing the Wii together, I can't remember the last time we both laughed so hard together.

Also on Saturday we all went to a guitar shop for the launch of an electric guitar both DH and I filled out this form basically our names, numbers and list what make Guitaars they sold... I WON!!!! A brand panking new guitar... That's DH's birthday sorted lol

[VeggieSausage]

Oh good glad the weekend went well. I think sometimes even if you have piles of things to do you have to do nothing to do with childminding at the weekend and have a weekend with your family xxx

[Polly2]

Thats brilliant! sounds like you had a FAB week end!