Teenager moving in with me..

[jennavictorials]

In September my 15 year old cousin is moving from down south (almost 4 hours away) and will be living with me for his last year of school. Unfortunately due to his behavioural issues at school and in his home at the moment he has anger issues and has been excluded from his 2nd school. He lost his dad recently who he was very close with.
Does anyone have any advice on how to make this transition easier for him?
I have 2 girls, age 4 and 2 so have no experience of teenagers yet. Luckily my husband is pretty supportive and lost his dad at a young age too so has an understanding of how he's feeling.

Thanks x

[loocyloo]

goodness me,

big hugs to you and your family. what a lovely thing you are doing for your cousin.

I have no advice, except find some support. Teenagers are not easy ( and that is when they are your own! ) and your cousin has had a difficult time.

I wonder if it would be worth talking to your local childrens centre/FIS and asking if they have support in place for teenagers? I know North Yorkshire used to have 'parent support workers' who specialised in teenagers, but now all parent support workers work with families with 0-18/25 yr olds! Have you spoken to the school he will be attending? they may be able to point you in the direction of support etc


Also, remember to contact Ofsted, as your cousin being in your care is a change in family circumstances that they will want to know about.

good luck x

[BallyH]

Well done you but how sad for him.

You will have to set clear boundaries of acceptable behaviour. Give him lots of praise and keep asking questions saying that you are interested. When my teenagers bark back at me for asking questions I say 'it's because I give a damn'. Get your husband involved as much as you can as he will need a positive male role model. Try to get him involved in some kind of sport as my sons all seemed to need to 'get rid of steam'. Include him lots especially in the evenings sitting as a family in front of the tv. See if he will help with the family meals etc as this may make him feel more involved and feel he is contributing. Teenagers love to disappear to their rooms so be ready for this.

Best of luck. Keep us posted.

[watford wizz]

Some local authorities provide training and support for relatives who foster, you may have to fight to get funding from his local authority who have agreed for him to be with you, to pay yours.
National fostering association may also be able to point you in the right direction.
He is going to need firm loving boundaries and you and your hubby need to be united like super glue. It will be hard work and you will wonder why you ever said yes but it can be so worth it. Just keep loving him and communicating, even if that does mean entering his room!! Praying all the best for you all xx

[k1rstie]

Changing school is very difficult at any age, and he will be changing with two terms before his GCSE's to go. He might find that his current courses do not match with the new schools option blocks. So may not be able to do all the subjects he did before, and gave have to start new subjects!!

My daughter is in the Army Cadets and life's it. Is there a Cadet Unit near you? Maybe Army Cadets or Air Cadets? From my experience, Army Cadets is good for kids with a few issues, as there are often opportunities to compete in sports, shooting, first aid competitions etc. Also the discipline is very good. They learn to perform drill, look after their kit, first aid skills, and even weapons handling is a skill that has to be done in a very particular way.
Often a few of the cadets would also be a your school, and they do seem to look out for each other across the year groups.

During this school year, he will turn 16, so a DBS WILL need to be completed. Is this going to be a problem? If it is, it might be better to think about it now, rather than when he is moved, settled and in a new school.

I wish you every success, if it goes well, this could be a year or even a few years of his life that will set him up for the rest of his life. And although he might now realise it now, when he is older he will look back at this fantastic opportunity/second chance that you and your husband have been able to offer him.

[hectors house]

One thing I have learnt from having 3 daughters (all thankfully past the teenager stage now) is that they like to think they have a choice, so with my girls if I wanted them to wash the kitchen floor, I would say "I would like you to help me, would you prefer to walk the dogs or wash the kitchen floor", I knew very well that they wouldn't walk the dogs and I would get the floor washed which was what I wanted doing in the first place.