Social services visit....

**butterfli** · 16-12-2015, 12:38 PM

Hi guys, I just wanted to ask advice....
I'll condense this as its a long story.
I mind an 18 mth old. A few weeks back I had a call from the police at 1.30 am to say they wanted me to have him overnight as mum and dad had both been arrested due to a drunken fight. They have not long moved here, she's American and he's Mexican. Apparently he can't live in America, don't know why!?
Anyway, ss wouldn't let me have him overnight and he was taken into emergency foster care. He was there for 5 days when they allowed him home, under supervision and he's been placed under a care order. I've continued to mind him, the dad was arrested again recently for being drunk with the child! She was going to leave him as she told me he smashed up the flat! Yes I know.... Disgraceful. Mum gave me notice as he got sacked for being drunk at work, so I was kind of glad as their stress is getting me stressed TBH. Anyway, she changes her mind like the wind and now wants me to continue, oh and she's 10 weeks pregnant too!
I got a call yesterday from ss saying they want to do a home visit here. I said I was busy but she insisted, quite rude really...I told mum I wasn't really happy as this is a matter at home and it's nothing to do with me. Mum tried to get the visit changed to her house but they insisted on visiting me. I not really that happy....
Any advice..... Sorry for that 😜

**Mouse** · 16-12-2015, 01:36 PM

Do you want to carry on looking after this child and take on any issues with the family, or would you rather not be involved?

Personally, I wouldn't want to become involved in what could become a very awkward, stressful situation. It's not that I don't have sympathy for the family, in particular the child caught up in it all, but I have a busy enough life myself and wouldn't want to take on someone else's problems. What SS is asking goes beyond your responsibilities as a childminder. I know some cms would happily do it, and for some of my current families I probably would (for one former family I have), but I wouldn't do it if I didn't really want to and for a family I didn't have a close bond with.

At the end of the day it's going to be your decision, but don't feel pushed into doing something you're not comfortable with.

**Evie125** · 16-12-2015, 01:40 PM

Hi, what an awful thing to happen, I would imagine social services want to have a 'home visit' with you for several reasons; it sounds like this is a safeguarding issue and you obviously have a good knowledge of the child and would see possible changes in behaviour/ routines. The child would be comfortable in your home and it would be neutral ground for the mum. Obviously there's no excuse for rudeness but I think some people are naturally abrupt and don't realise how they come across!!. I would imagine social services will want to work with you to try and keep some of the child's routines while they work out the best way to deal with the matter. I hope everything gets sorted quickly and in the child's best interest x

**moggy** · 16-12-2015, 01:50 PM

Sadly, I think I would also be giving notice right now, informing SS that I am no longer involved with the family, and keep well out of it. If you are not happy you need to make things change: you need to protect yourself and your family from this unhappy mess and what it could turn into. It could drag you down and with serious alcohol and violence going on you are putting your self, your family and your other mindees at risk- this family need professional and expert help and I hope SS will be able to provide that.

We all want to be able to do our best and help those in need, and if it was me and I had no others around to think of and all the time in the world, I may want to try to help by sticking by them, taking the calls in the middle of the night, working with SS, working out how to deal with a possibly abusive alcoholic parent turning up on my doorstep- but that is not real life, at least not for me anyway. I have to put my family and business first.

I hope things improve for the family some how.

**k1rstie** · 16-12-2015, 01:51 PM

Oh dear. Thus sounds a terrible situation to be in.

What will happen after your meeting with children's social care? If they 'like you' and it goes well? Will they then agree for the child to come to you every time they have an argument at 1.30 in the morning, or 2.30 or Christmas Day? I would cynically suggest that you would be easier to 'organise' and cheaper than emergency foster care.

If the child was in emergency care for 5 days last time, would you be prepared to care for the child for a similar period of time?

If it were me, I think I would need to have a very serious chat with my other half and my kids, and decide as a family if it is something they were all happy about.

I must note, that like mouse, I also would do anything for my current parents, but sometimes we cannot do it all

**k1rstie** · 16-12-2015, 01:56 PM

I cross posted with Evie and moggy, great advise from them too!

**JCrakers** · 16-12-2015, 02:10 PM

I agree, we all want to help families but there is only so much we can do. We work in our homes and our own family must come first. If you are happy to help the family then go for it, it must be very rewarding if you have the time, patience and energy.

For me, my childminding job is about working 8-6pm, 4 days a week and forgetting about it out of hours. Its a very hard job and although I love the children I care for, for me.. its a job and nothing more. I don't think about it out of hours and I close the door at 6pm and breathe a big sigh of relief when everyone has gone home.
I wouldn't have answered the phone at 1.30am because it would have been turned off. If my house phone had rang and I found out a child who I look after was to come to me in the middle of the night, truthfully I wouldn't do it. That sounds really selfish but I don't need anymore stress... I have plenty atm. If I wanted to be a foster carer then I would

(ok...I can think of 3 families I would do it for but I've known them for years)

Sounds like SS are just assuming you will be helping out without even asking you...not a good start is it!

If you really want to help then that's fantastic, but be prepared for what you might have to do.

**AliceK** · 16-12-2015, 02:53 PM

You need to think about your safeguarding before anything else. You work at your own home alone. You need to keep your mindees, your own family and yourself safe. If it were me and there was alcohol and violence involved with this family I'm afraid I wouldn't want to be involved. We are vulnerable enough in this job without the added stress. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear.

xxx

**tess1981** · 16-12-2015, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by JCrakers

I agree, we all want to help families but there is only so much we can do. We work in our homes and our own family must come first. If you are happy to help the family then go for it, it must be very rewarding if you have the time, patience and energy.

For me, my childminding job is about working 8-6pm, 4 days a week and forgetting about it out of hours. Its a very hard job and although I love the children I care for, for me.. its a job and nothing more. I don't think about it out of hours and I close the door at 6pm and breathe a big sigh of relief when everyone has gone home.
I wouldn't have answered the phone at 1.30am because it would have been turned off. If my house phone had rang and I found out a child who I look after was to come to me in the middle of the night, truthfully I wouldn't do it. That sounds really selfish but I don't need anymore stress... I have plenty atm. If I wanted to be a foster carer then I would

(ok...I can think of 3 families I would do it for but I've known them for years)

Sounds like SS are just assuming you will be helping out without even asking you...not a good start is it!

If you really want to help then that's fantastic, but be prepared for what you might have to do.

This is exactly what I would have said.

**BallyH** · 16-12-2015, 05:58 PM

Hmmm how did the police know to contact you? Did mum suggest you when she was asked at 1.30am 'who is a responsible adult to help?'.

She gave you notice then changed her mind! Maybe you should consider saying you have filled the place now, but it has to be your decision.

SS may want your help and input and maybe a lot of paperwork. You may have to attend monthly meetings or whenever they meet, with the family and other support network people ie health visitor etc. Do you have time for this if asked?

I think I personally would leave it to the other professional workers. I couldn't cope with it but it has to be your decision. We are all individual childminders and everybody will have a different view.