Awkward Situation

[Tealady]

My sister met an old school friend early last year and they hooked up. They were together 8 months. In that time he dumped her twice and then for the third and final time last Halloween. However, since then they have been "best friends" and "soul mates" spending most of their free time together.

DD (10) and DS (6) are quite fond of him but puzzled about them being like every other couple they know without being girlfriend and boyfriend. They frequently question the situation.

This morning I got a text from my sister saying they are "back together", "So happy" and "they thought why not as they were almost a couple anyway". They want to tell my children themselves that they are back together. This is after her being adamant there is nothing romantic between them.

Given the fickleness of their first relationship and my children's bewilderment, I'm not sure I want DD and DS informed of the reconciliation especially as I'm convinced he will dump her again within a couple of months. There is also a tonne of other crap around the whole situation, that I wouldn't even know where to start to explain, plus it would take all night to write up.

I think my sister thinks my two will be over joyed and super excited at the news but I just think it will totally confuse them. I really don't want the children knowing but then wonder if it will all just go over their heads anyway. The whole situation is just bizarre. I'm not sure is it's because I can't be happy for them that I don't want the children knowing but then again, I think they are just not going to get the whole situation, especially if they split again.

[lollipop kid]

My sister met an old school friend early last year and they hooked up. They were together 8 months. In that time he dumped her twice and then for the third and final time last Halloween. However, since then they have been "best friends" and "soul mates" spending most of their free time together.

DD (10) and DS (6) are quite fond of him but puzzled about them being like every other couple they know without being girlfriend and boyfriend. They frequently question the situation.

This morning I got a text from my sister saying they are "back together", "So happy" and "they thought why not as they were almost a couple anyway". They want to tell my children themselves that they are back together. This is after her being adamant there is nothing romantic between them.

Given the fickleness of their first relationship and my children's bewilderment, I'm not sure I want DD and DS informed of the reconciliation especially as I'm convinced he will dump her again within a couple of months. There is also a tonne of other crap around the whole situation, that I wouldn't even know where to start to explain, plus it would take all night to write up.

I think my sister thinks my two will be over joyed and super excited at the news but I just think it will totally confuse them. I really don't want the children knowing but then wonder if it will all just go over their heads anyway. The whole situation is just bizarre. I'm not sure is it's because I can't be happy for them that I don't want the children knowing but then again, I think they are just not going to get the whole situation, especially if they split again.

A wise old lady once told me that, if you want two people at once, then you don't really want either of them.

It sounds a bit like this with your sister's 'mate'. Not sure why your sister wants your children's approval (unless she lives with you or something?) I don't need to know - if I were in your shoes, I would not want her saying anything to my children. Children are smart. They'll work it out for themselves if they spend lots of time with your sister and this guy. Once she's got a ring on her finger (who called me old-fashioned?), then yes, tell your children, who can join her in shouting it from the rooftops.

Hope it helps.

LK

[Maza]

They have put you in a tricky situation. I'm not sure I would want someone else talking to my DD about relationships, it could bring up questions about the difference between friendships and romantic/sexual relationships. How will your sister and her boyfriend respond if such questions come up? Will it be in a similar way to how you feel you would respond? How are they going to explain the new status of their relationship? Could you ask your sister these questions before she talks to your kids?

On the other hand, it might be totally fine and we could be over analysing it. We can't shelter our kids from different types of relationships. If they see them suddenly holding hands and maybe kissing then maybe it is better that they are told from the onset.

Good luck, hope it goes well.

[Tealady]

Hmmmm.

Had a few texts back and forth and I've been asked not to tell anybody at this point. They agreed only to tell my mum and his at this point anyway and even I shouldn't know but she was bursting to tell me. Bearing in mind they are both 38, it is all a little odd.

[FloraDora]

I would just try to ignore it all.....it sounds just like they are teenagers ! My experience of teenager relationships is to just go along with, don't expand much energy into them as every day could bring a different angst!
I am a bit like Loocyloo - when they are engaged then that's when you make 'official' announcements!
Are they ?aren't they? are they? Together? This is really not the the sort of conversations that should be encouraged in a 6 year olds life, like you say.....a 10 year old and 6 year old have got far more important fun, relevent to them things they could be interested in and chatting about.
It sounds like your really grown up sister thinks the world revolves around her relationships?!

[Kiddleywinks]

Sounds a bit like

Relationship status: It's complicated



I would seriously question why it's so important for her to be the one to inform a 10 and 6 yr old that they're 'officially-together-but-don't-tell-anyone-just-yet'
I very much doubt it'll make the slightest bit of difference to either of them