Friendship Issues

[Tealady]

Should you intervene in your child's friendship issues? If so at what point would you step in?

DD is in a group of 3/4 friends. For weeks now there have been falling outs and making ups. I obviously only get DD's side.

DD came out of school a little upset. One of her friends told DD today that her Mum had said that she couldn't play with DD anymore. I was a bit shocked but then wondered if something had been misunderstood. I tried to find her Mum but they had already left. I talked to DD some more but she was clueless at to what could have sparked this and was confused and upset.

I therefore texted Mum to say could I call later or speak before or after school tomorrow to discuss. Mum came back and we discussed a bit via text but Mum did sign off saying that tonight wasn't good and that she was working tomorrow so wouldn't be on the playground. I kind of got the impression she didn't want to discuss further.

Kind of feel I have done the wrong thing, but DD was upset and I was worried that she had lashed out verbally over something (as she is feisty) so wanted to find out if anything had happened. I realise children have to find their own way and we shouldn't always interfere, but one of the girls involved can be quite nasty and I want to help my daughter handle things appropriately.

[CSR2014]

Hi,
Ah this is a really tricky one!! From you message it's obvious that you're a really caring Mum, but also you try to see other peoples' points of view too!! I think you have done the right thing to try to 'nip things in the bud' before they get out of hand. These things are never easy, I hope the situation gets resolved soon.

[moggy]

Depends on the age- the younger they are the more likely I'd get involved.

[Tulip]

I assume these issues have occured at school. If so I would mention it to the teacher, they can be good at sorting these sort of problems. It can be very tricky trying to sort them yourself with other parents. Hope your daughter is ok, it's so hard being a parent, you really feel their pain.

[Mouse]

How old are they?

I've found girls' friendships so much harder work than boys' friendships. As a rule I haven't got involved in issues unless there is obvious bullying going on. Don't get me wrong, there have been times I've wanted to run over to another mother and tear her off a strip because of her daughter's behaviour. But I know I only ever hear one side of the story and that, if left to their own devices, the chances are they'll all be friends again the next day!

What I've usually done is have a word with the teacher and ask if they can get to the bottom of it.

[Tealady]

Thank you all

The girls are in year 4 so 8/9. Looking at what has been going on I think the girl in question feels a bit of a piggy in the middle. The other girl, who in my opinion can be quite nasty, blows hot and cold which puzzles my DD as in her mind you either like somebody or you don't. DD therefore asks the girl (supposedly not allowed to play) why the other one is being moody or unkind.

I did go back to Mum and say I think her DD feels piggy in the middle and that I would talk to DD about leaving her out of the issues. Mum agreed that that was probably the case and actually signed off quite friendly, so I think all is well there.

I did actually try and talk to her teacher last week about it but I had only just started talking to her when DS fell off the railings (which he knows he is not allowed to climb ) so we had to abort the discussion.

Oh well, only 3 days left. Hopefully a break from school will do some good.

[Maza]

Oh, friendship issues are just horrible aren't they? If the other mum did indeed tell her DD not to be friends with your DD, you don't actually know HOW it was said, so don't immediately fear the worst. Maybe the mum was just caught off guard with the text. I would think it would be hard to sort it out as parents because you are both so emotionally involved and perhaps biased to. I would speak to the teacher again. Don't worry about the texts that you have already sent though, at least it's all out in the open. Hope you and DD are okay and that it gets sorted. I'm sure a break is exactly what they all need. x