Does anyone else ever feel really lonely in this job?
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  1. #1
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    Default Does anyone else ever feel really lonely in this job?

    Hi everyone,

    I was just wondering if anyone found childminding really lonely at times or if its just me.

    I moved to Northampton 9 years ago and fell pregnant pretty much straight away so didn't get a lot of time at work to create strong friendships before I went on mat leave, I was then a stay at home mum for 4 years until I became a childminder. I've never been very good at making new friends due to being bullied at school so haven't created many friendships, I talk to people at groups we attend but thats it. so most days until my children and husband get home my conversations are limited to babbles from babies!!

    Do any of you guys ever get a bit low and wish you actually 'went to work' and interacted with adults?

    I know this post sounds really sad and pathetic but i just feel so fed up

  2. #2
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    big hugs.

    I know exactly how you feel.

    I did have a small but strong friendship group at school and then collage, and then where I used to live I nannied before I had my own children and so knew a lot of people through toddlers/school etc. I then started to childmind and as there were a lot of minders around, I had a 'ready made' group of colleagues, plus my 'mummy' friends, made through nct/baby groups etc. ( my school friends are still around, we meet up at least once a year, but we all live in different corners of UK, so its hard. we do email and text, but finding time to phone and chat is hard with everyones own commitments! )

    3 1/2 yrs ago we moved ... I knew no one. my children started school, but as they were older, it has been hard to 'make friends' with the mums. I am friendly with all the mums, and pass the time of day, but don't socialise with them. sometimes I know some groups of mums all go out, and they have made half hearted comments ' you must come ' ... I say thank you ... let me know when/where etc ... but I never hear any more! I go to toddlers, and met people there ... but their children grow up/move on ... and I'm still there! I'm friendly with everyone and can have a nice chat but that's all. we go to church and we've made friends there ... but they are pretty much all retired people!

    I invite people over for coffee/to play with children and do see people, but apart from one mum who moved here the same time as me, ( also knowing no one! ) I haven't made the same sort of friends I had before I moved. I am quite shy, but have to put my 'childminder' head on and pretend to be very 'out there' and confident. I think people think that I have lots of friends because of this, and I don't. I have lots of aquaintances, but not actual friends as such. I do spend most of my time during the day, just me and the children ( apart from attending groups etc ). there are few childminders around in a wide area. and everyone is so busy with different school runs etc, it is hard to arrange to meet up.

    I find it easier if I get out and about every day and talk to some one ( anyone! )

    I've also started dancing and singing in a choir in the evening, so I meet like minded people there, although the majority do seem to attend with a friend and aren't always interested in meeting someone new! but I am slowly meeting people.

    I miss having a friend I can just call and say 'lets go to the park' or 'lets go to the pub/for a walk'. one of my 'mums' and I have just arranged to go out for coffee next week on my day off, as we bumped into each other and realised how much we missed chatting to each other every week , as her child has left after 3 years to go to school ! ... so things are looking up! and quite a few of my 'mums' ( and granny's! ) are becoming friends.

    take care, take a deep breath ( pretend to be confident ) and ask someone at a group if they fancy coming over for a cup of tea/going to play in the park. good luck xxx

    my 'next step' is asking a few mums if they fancy going out for a drink one evening!
    Last edited by loocyloo; 25-09-2014 at 12:46 PM.

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  4. #3
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    I know exactly how you feel I started childminding last year as I am a single mum and my sister wanted me to look after my niece so thought if I am doing that it would be better to register and do it properly.
    I moved back to Peterborough four years ago to be closer to my family but as I had been away for a few years had to start fresh with meeting people. I try to go to as many groups as possible just to break the day up a bit. I have made a nice group of friends but find the evenings difficult as when people usually have a husband/partner to talk to I find myself watching TV and wishing the night away. I enjoy childminding but do find it lonely but I think most people would agree with that.
    I would just try and make friends at groups and suggest meeting up outside of groups it is difficult but sometimes you have to try and put yourself out their as there are lots of mums not necessarily childminders who I am sure feel the same and would like the company.

  5. #4
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    Ime the opposite, I would feel lonely if I didn't do childminding.
    This is one of the reasons that I did childminding - so I could socialise more. I have fertility problems and can't have my own kids so never have the same opportunities as other mums to meet new friends through our children. over the last 15 years I have moved areas three times so every time I just get to meet people I move again or they move. I have been childminding for 3 yeas now and have met a lovely circle of childminders. We go on outings to london, Xmas parties together and we are in the process of organising a night out. I also feel like I can talk to some of them about things outside work which is nice. I would be lost and so lonely without my childminding buddies.

    Is there other childminders at the groups you go to? Could you ask them round for a play date maybe? If you lived close to us you would be made more than welcome in our little group. Everybody is so friendly. I find myself saying to everybody when we are out- are you a childminder and then that way we get chatting. They probably think ime nuts, they wouldn't be far wrong ha ha. Feel free to message me if you get lonely, I love chatting xx

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  7. #5
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    Childminding is my retirement career and I understand what you are saying. No amount of play groups/ parents/ occasional childminding comradeship can replace the every day interaction that I had with my professional colleagues when I worked every day, they weren't my 'friends' but were great company and we had endless professional discussions.

    I differ in that I have life long friends and hobby friends, but the everyday sharing is still missing. I have developed the parents as similar, but mine are all ex colleagues, professional, so similar to me, we discuss education/ Gove/ ofsted/ early years as professionals now and then, for a few minutes at the beg/ end of day...but not the same as working all day long with them.

    On the other hand... I love spending my day with LO's playing at their level, exploring and discovering...when DH informs me in the middle of the day of some key news item I think he is interfering with my play!!

    My reflective thoughts are that I am glad I joined external groups as they definitely keep me in touch with the real world and grown up talk: local french meet ( once a month meet in local pub), photography, just out and about - met like minded people) reading group ( always meet at my house, started after ch born) emailing ( when you are writing is just like talking ) or ....ON HERE- great people to share and listen to ...

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  9. #6
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    I actually used to feel lonelier into previous job, it was only part time and 2 days a week and because I wasn't full time I didn't have any proper connections with anyone I worked with, wasn't up to date with office gossip and pretty much felt invisible when I was there! I like talking to the little ones, at least they don't moan all the time like most adults do lol :-)

  10. #7
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    I used to have 3 jobs I did everyday and was very busy, working with lots of other people but I was also the loneliest I'd ever been! My youngest is nearly 16 and I started minding in July. At first I didn't talk to another adult during the day for ages and I did feel lonely but I was happy with what I was doing! I'd much rather work with 6 kids than 6 adults, kids are still learning empathy and social skills etc whereas a lot of the adults I've worked with ought to know better!

    Anyway I put myself out there - walked on school runs, several play groups, parks, library etc and made myself overcome shyness eventually I bumped into the same faces and I've made 'friends' not to confide private things but the sort who I could have a moan and laugh with.

    It does take time but having kids with you will make it easier!

    Big hugs xx

  11. #8
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    I'm pretty lucky that i'm great friends with a group of childminders. We see each other 2 or 3 times a week working and although not weekly as we all have families we do have nights out. We've just booked our Christmas night away to a local hotel for an Abba night and we're all staying over. I also chat to others online and occasionally manage (when we have time) to meet up with Loocyloo

    It can be lonely but you need to get out there and try to network with other childminders.
    love Sarah.

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  13. #9
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    Yep, I feel like this most days. I do meet up with another minder but that's usually once every fortnight. I do get out to groups but can only chit-chat with other mums while watching 2-3 children. Conversations never last long as I don't stand still long enough...lol

    I'm the same as you and moved to a new area and although I know a lot of people and consider most of them friends (they feed my cats or I can ask them a small favour) I don't socialise with them in the evenings like friends do. They can't come round when I'm working for a coffee as I work 5 days a week and most of them work anyway.

    It's a very lonely job but at the moment I'm coping with it.....My dh and I have good friends who are married so we get together at weekends sometimes and go on holiday together, they have 2 children the same age as our two so it works really well.
    Time Out.. The perfect time for thinking about what you're going to destroy next.

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  15. #10
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    I used to feel like this when I started but now make sure I get out every morning & make a big effort to chat to people (grown-ups!) when I'm out so now do have various groups where is know there will be a familiar face. I've also got to know 2 local childminders and we usually meet up once a week even if it's just at a park for an hour and chat to other mums on the school run - all this has made a massive difference to my day and I find it goes fat quicker than if it's just me & little ones.

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  17. #11
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    Yes, it can be a very lonely job and sometimes it gets me down. One thing I do know though is that relationships/friendships don't 'just happen'. You do have to make the effort to establish them and then maintain them (I'm rubbish at both). x

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