Adoption research...,

[AdeleMarie88]

Hello all, i wanted to ask if anyone has any adoption stories? Please pm me if you prefer, I just wanted to find an unbiased, warts and all account of adoption process; what made you come to this decision, did you have any concerns prior and were these addressed? How did you feel afterwards? Please please be honest x

[AdeleMarie88]

Should say this isn't for uni work or otherwise, it's just so I can gather info for a relative x

[lizduncan72]

We're going through it at the moment-happy to tell you about it but we're in Scotland so things might be different! Let me know and I'll pm you if you want x

[AdeleMarie88]

We're going through it at the moment-happy to tell you about it but we're in Scotland so things might be different! Let me know and I'll pm you if you want x

Yes please any info you want to share please pm me xx

[lizduncan72]

Have pm'd you x

[amylouise867]

A friend of mine currently is

Has 1 child, second time around she sadly had a miscarriage and they don't want to put themselves through it again.

It's been a tough journey for them and they are currently in final stages.

The bit they found really hard was being told that most of these children come from very unstable backgrounds meaning they've either seen horrific abuse or been victims of some very terrible ordeals. They said this means that they would be unable to do various things that they would do with their other child and would need to punish them differently too if the adopted child was to do something wrong. They said they would work with them to help get everything in place but it's took a while to take on board. As they've had to consider how their child will react to this etc.

Another thing which suprized me was they were told
"You have to love your adopted child more than your own children"
They went on to explain that your love for your own flesh and blood is instant, it's powerful it's unconditional and you have an overwhelming sense of responsibility for your child, to protect them comes naturally because they are yours. They said your parent instinct always kicks in, yet it takes time and work to get to that with children who are adopted.

Wish your friends/relatives every bit of luck!
It's something I would like to consider once my children are older x

[lizduncan72]

That was one of the things I found hard, I expected to have this instant love for our wee one like with our birth children but it took time. Now though she really is just like one of our own. Our little one was 'lucky' in that she was taken into care at birth so hasn't suffered the abuse/ neglect issues that so many adopted children do, all her abuse happened pre-birth due to her birth mother's drug taking. I would highly recommend the book 'No Matter What' by Sally Donovan, it's an excellent true, warts and all account of her family's experience of adoption

[littleDs31]

Hi I to am about to start the adoption procees and wold be interested In hearing others experiences of this. I am wondering if anyone has had to give up childminding because of adoption. PMs welcome. Sorry for jumping in on your post, AdeleMarie88, hope you don't mind. Xx

[AdeleMarie88]

Not at all. More the merrier, thank you for book recommendation, already ordered ! Xx

[Boris]

A good friend of mine adopted a little boy 18 months ago, he was 20 months old and had spent a year in foster care. The process was long and pretty intrusive and emotionally draining for them. They can't have children of their own due to medical issues. They totally dote on their little boy and are amazing parents. They have just been contacted by social care to say that the child's birth mother has just had another baby and did they want him too! They are over the moon! Happy story!