The old Breathing Policy!

**Pauline** · 07-12-2013, 09:07 AM

I see my "Breathing Policy" has been resurrected on Facebook, what a laugh we had back then, I think it was written around 2007! but still going strong. It was written as a spoof against all those policies we were being expected to write for various occasions. For those who missed it, lets have a laugh this Christmas:

Breathing Policy:

If your child breathes I will ensure that the air around him/her is clean and free from dirt and suitable to breathe. I will do this by carrying out a detailed risk assessment, every hour on the hour. Air will be checked against my current 5 point risk assessment:

1. Is the air at the correct temperature?
2. Is the air contaminated with dust or other things? (flying insects will be exculded as they come under my Insect Risk Assessment)
3. Is there enough air for each child and adult in the room?
4. Would it be possible for a child to lose their air at any point? If so what action would need to be taken?

My current short term plan is to breathe as often as possible, this is also reflected within my medium and long term plans. Once your child shows interest in breathing my future plans is to encourage them to continue with regular practice.

If your child arrives having breathed dirty air you will be required to sign an 'exisiting contamination form'. These will need to be completed in triplicate. One for the file, two for the bin. (This is to comply with current Ofsted paper wasting criteria)

Children will be encouraged to breathe at all times and their experienced noted and recorded against the 6 Early Learning Goals.

If your child refuses to breathe I will have to notify Ofsted and you must collect them immediately. Again triplicate recording will be required.

I must ensure that all breathing meets the EYFS, therefore we will practice breathing at all minutes of the day.

Please discuss breathing with your child and encourage them to breathe while in my care.

Coughs and sneezes will be considered acceptable forms of breathing, however you must sign a form to say that you will allow this.

You must also sign a parental permission form that allows me to let your child breathe during his/her time in my care, failure to do so will result in me not being able to allow your child to breathe and this could be detrimental to their care. (As this will not meet the Welfare Requirements you will therefore need to confirm (in triplicate) that you want to withdrawl your child from EYFS).

This is my breathing procedure: in, out, in, out, in, out. However, if after completing regular observations I feel this doesn't meet your child's particular interests and they would prefer out, in, in out, out (or similar) I will speak to you to make other arrangements.

Thank your for your understanding.

**sing-low** · 07-12-2013, 09:19 AM

Very funny, I especially like the 'Ofsted paper wasting requirements'!

**lizduncan72** · 07-12-2013, 09:19 AM

Love it!!!! Must add this to my policies and give all parents a copy lol

**Koala** · 07-12-2013, 10:04 AM

What if the child refuses to breath?

Or, more likely, what if a parent (generally called contrary Mary) disagrees with the breathing policy? Ignores it! and does the opposite!
you know like what happens with:

The sickness policy
Time keeping policy
Healthy eating policy
payment policy
Providing adequate clothing policy
Respect policy etc... etc...

Get the drift

Would you still work with the parent??

**clareelizabeth1** · 07-12-2013, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by Koala

What if the child refuses to breath? Or, more likely, what if a parent (generally called contrary Mary) disagrees with the breathing policy? Ignores it! and does the opposite! you know like what happens with: The sickness policy Time keeping policy Healthy eating policy payment policy Providing adequate clothing policy Respect policy etc... etc... Get the drift

Would you still work with the parent??

I think that depends on if we got on with the child