What on earth is wrong with me?

[sprinkles]

Wow, I feel really crap this morning - I could actually cry - and I have no idea why! I've just come back from a week's holiday so not sure if that's anything to do with it.

Little one just turned up, very grumpy and started screaming when mum brought her in. She had just picked her up from her mum's to bring her here so I'm guessing that was one reason why she was screaming. Mum literally had to just leave, and within a few minutes she was fine and playing. I don't know if it was because she was screaming etc and the reality of the responsibilities and challenges of this job hit me (she's always been very very happy with me, no tantrums or anything except bit huffy at times) and I feel I can't cope/haven't got the experience needed for this job.

Just feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning and wishing I was off to a 9-5 job in an office with no responsibilities! No idea why though as I hate being stuck in an office all day!

[Chatterbox Childcare]

Believe it or not this happens to everyone at one time or another. Experience has told me to have time after my holiday to get sorted before they return. I love routine!

You will feel better tomorrow once everything settles down.

[scottishlass]

I always find it hard getting back to it after holidays - hope your day gets better! Xx

[smurfette]

Hugs! Have a deep breath and an easy day, do something fun just the two of you.. Trip to zoo/park/ something for some fresh air, and some free play.. Or if you are feeling up to it some crafts etc you won't be able
To do when you have littler ones! Prob just post holiday blues we all have days like this just be gentle with yourself!

[sprinkles]

Thanks everyone! I hope so because right now I feel like I've made a huge mistake! I should have known this would happen - nothing I do ever goes how I plan or want it to. I just get an idea in my head and don't settle until I've done it, and I always fail or end up hating it.

Gosh, I'm such a failure

[singingcactus]

Haha, no worries, we all get that feeling some times. Even those of us who have been doing it for 20+ years. Something will happen to give you back your sparkle. Till then, just pretend

[amylouise867]

Thanks everyone! I hope so because right now I feel like I've made a huge mistake! I should have known this would happen - nothing I do ever goes how I plan or want it to. I just get an idea in my head and don't settle until I've done it, and I always fail or end up hating it.

Gosh, I'm such a failure

You are not a failure.

If anything you have succeeded!! You are a success and stop telling yourself anything different!

You had a dream, you chased it & you achieved it!

Don't look at it as "I thought I would like it so I've done it & now I hate it, I make the wrong choices, I'm a failure"

Look more positively "you thought about it, you worked hard, you've achieved it!"

You are really doubting yourself I can see that from your posts.

If you are feeling this isn't quite for you like you had hoped that's fine. Your path is a constant winding journey unless you put up the barrier and make it a dead end.

Along the way - the things you achieve, experience, the things that make you smile and bring a little upset make you the person you are today.

Try and take some time out alone.

Go for a long walk.

Have a stroll around your local park/woodland.

Or even take a cup of tea, wrap up warm and go and sit in the garden for 10 min.

Clear your mind from all your negativity. Tell yourself how wonderful you really are - because you are!!! Pay attention to the trees swaying in the cool breeze, the birds flying and tweeting. Paying attention to nature that is sometimes over looked makes your negative thoughts evaporate!

Very spiritual but don't be put off, give it a go!

Your thoughts account for everything!

What you experience is all down to your thoughts and attitude towards something.

Change your thoughts and your experience will change.

You are fab! Never doubt yourself!!!

Chin up and let us know how you get on xxx

[singingcactus]

Thinking about it though, you've just had the freedom of a holiday. Now you are stuck back in your home, and you don't even get to leave the house for work. You're probably feeling a little claustrophobic. Best cure I know of, visit your local wooded area, or a wild area if you have one. Somewhere green and natural if possible. Otherwise go for a walk, play in the park, have a game of football with the little lass. Get outdoors and use your muscles, show your brain you aren't trapped in your home.

[sprinkles]

You are not a failure.

If anything you have succeeded!! You are a success and stop telling yourself anything different!

You had a dream, you chased it & you achieved it!

Don't look at it as "I thought I would like it so I've done it & now I hate it, I make the wrong choices, I'm a failure"

Look more positively "you thought about it, you worked hard, you've achieved it!"

You are really doubting yourself I can see that from your posts.

If you are feeling this isn't quite for you like you had hoped that's fine. Your path is a constant winding journey unless you put up the barrier and make it a dead end.

Along the way - the things you achieve, experience, the things that make you smile and bring a little upset make you the person you are today.

Try and take some time out alone.

Go for a long walk.

Have a stroll around your local park/woodland.

Or even take a cup of tea, wrap up warm and go and sit in the garden for 10 min.

Clear your mind from all your negativity. Tell yourself how wonderful you really are - because you are!!! Pay attention to the trees swaying in the cool breeze, the birds flying and tweeting. Paying attention to nature that is sometimes over looked makes your negative thoughts evaporate!

Very spiritual but don't be put off, give it a go!

Your thoughts account for everything!

What you experience is all down to your thoughts and attitude towards something.

Change your thoughts and your experience will change.

You are fab! Never doubt yourself!!!

Chin up and let us know how you get on xxx

I feel like a failure because it is nothing how I imagined. I was stupid and thought I could do this when I have no experience or anything! I've never even looked after a child before and I thought I could meet all their needs etc? Who was I kidding!! I'm not gonna lie, I thought it would be easy but it's the hardest thing I've ever done!

I just dived right in - got an idea and wouldn't settle til I had done it even though I probably knew way back then that it wouldn't work.

[MessybutHappy]

Hi!
How did you imagine it would be? I wonder if the truth is that you aren't really so far away from what you dreamed of, it's just that your judgement is clouded with back-to-work-itis!!

You are right, childminding isn't easy, it is a huge responsbility, but, and here's the confidence boost - you've been assessed by Ofsted and they know you know what you are doing, so believe in yourself!

The child you mind was always going to protest a bit this morning - a week off is a long time. The fact they've settled now proves you are OK!!!

As others have said, keep it simple this morning, a trip to the park or a walk to the shops, cuddle up with a book and give yourself time. You will manage, and in a few weeks you'll look back and be able to list all the wonderful things you've done with this child and be proud!

Is there anyone you can talk to - I think you need to have a good old chat and share all your worries - a problem shared is a problem halved and all that! If not, keep posting here - we've got your back and we'll get you through this!

Hugs!

[sprinkles]

I don't really know, I guess I thought it would be easy. I've not had my first inspection yet so no idea what they will say then. I just feel like I'm not adequate to look after her. I've been registered for nearly 6 months now and haven't had an enquiry for ages - nearly half that time actually. I think the last one I had was for the little girl I have. I have spent loads advertising etc but there's another 14 minders in the town with a population of only about 3000 max! I also thought I would really enjoy it but in all honesty, I'm not.

I feel like a failure because I gave notice to my first little one after 2 days as he screamed constantly and now I feel like I can't give this one what she needs.

I *thought* this was my dream and what I wanted to do but I'd never even had any experience so I have no idea why I thought I wanted to do it. Maybe the thought of being able to play all day and work from home? It's a huge responsibility and I'm not sure I can cope with that, or have the patience for this job.

Hubby says he will support me in whatever I do but I definitely feel like a failure if I give up after such a short time, but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on

Thank you for all the advice!

[smartbear]

Hugs! Have a deep breath and an easy day, do something fun just the two of you.. Trip to zoo/park/ something for some fresh air, and some free play.. Or if you are feeling up to it some crafts etc you won't be able
To do when you have littler ones! Prob just post holiday blues we all have days like this just be gentle with yourself!

Agree - you're missing your holiday, so do something that's a treat just for you 2. Go somewhere special, you've got to look after your self sometimes!

[JCrakers]

You are not a failure. You've tried it and now your deciding if its for you Its good to try things, if you hadn't given it a go then you would always be thinking 'what if'

Childminding is very hard and a lot of people I speak to think its easy. But if they ever tried it I'm sure they would find its not a walk in the park. As well as keeping Ofsted happy, which in itself is hard, we also have to be constantly aware and on the go all day with no rest or switching off time. Theres not a time in the day for switching off because even when babies are asleep we need to have 1 ear out.
Looking after someone else's 'pride and joy' and 'their world' is the hardest thing ever. Having to make no mistakes because mistakes mean real consequences. Its not like in the office when you lose a piece of work, its real consequences with real lives.

Coping with crying, screaming, tantrums,bad behaviour,sharing,illness,parents as well as expenses,tax and NI is so hard but all weighed up with the good things. Seeing children happy, laughing, saying funny things, hugs, giggles etc

I couldn't work in an office. If I tried that I would probably hate it. DH tells me stories of what he's done at work and I feel like banging heads together. People are awkward to work with...lol
I've been working with children for 20yrs and had experience with babies at the age of 10yrs old when my brother was born and I loved helping out. Mum then went on to have two more so with 3 younger siblings I was always around children.
I studied for 3yrs at college studying child dev full time and have worked as a nanny fro 19-24yrs, had 2 children of my own and have now been childminding for 6yrs.
Somedays I find it hard. When I'm tired and there's still 2hrs of the day left. Sometimes I'm in bed by 7pm, flat out watching TV. I have a cleaner because i'm too tired to do it myself. Sometimes I find it lonely and on the odd occasion I just want to pack it all in as its such hard work especially with all the 'Truss stuff' going around.
So, everyone finds it hard but It needs to be enjoyable too. If your not enjoying it then its not going to work. You'll feel worse and worse.

Why dont you sit down and make 2 lists of pros and cons and then really decide what to do.

[lizduncan72]

Don't give up yet, you've had a really tough start and it's hardly surprising you're feeling down after a holiday-I'm bad enough this morning after just a weekend!!!! Like others have said try to get out even if its just a walk round the block, the fresh air will help. Have you managed to find any groups to go to yet? Can you meet up with any of the other local minders? Whereabouts are you, not sure if you're close enough for a meet up but happy to arrange something if you are PM or email me if you want a private moan, always happy to listen (and moan back when I'm having a bad day!!! lol ) Hugs xx

[sprinkles]

You are not a failure. You've tried it and now your deciding if its for you Its good to try things, if you hadn't given it a go then you would always be thinking 'what if'

This is very true! I think I feel like I have no 'right' to give up after a short time so that is making me feel trapped, if you know what I mean? I think that is making me think it is even worse than it really is too.

I feel like I've spoiled our lives - we were fine and happy, both working just a 5 minute walk from home and now if I give this up I'm going to have to start job hunting again. And jobs in this town are few and far between so I'll have to travel! In all honesty, I was bored at my old job and spent half the day sitting around doing nothing so maybe it was an escape. I'm a great believer in everything happens for a reason but right now, I have no idea what the reason behind this is and I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't know what to do! I don't hate it that much that I want to give up here and now - I think maybe I just need to start looking at other job options out there and wait for the right one for me. I don't want to go firing into another job just because it was the first one available and then end up regretting it.

I guess I just need reassurance that it's ok to give up and it's ok for it not to be the job for me.

[PeekABoos]

Thanks everyone! I hope so because right now I feel like I've made a huge mistake! I should have known this would happen - nothing I do ever goes how I plan or want it to. I just get an idea in my head and don't settle until I've done it, and I always fail or end up hating it.

Gosh, I'm such a failure

Awww Sprinkles I could of written this post myself. I am exactly the same I get ideas and have to do them or I just won't settle then like you I either hate it or fail at putting the idea forward. Big hugs your way hun no advice as I am not yet a childminder I am still in the process of making my ideas come forward but this is one I WILL do!!! You can make this work too hun, Don't give up.. Learn on the job Xx

[JCrakers]

Is there anyone you could talk to . Any other childminders? Sometimes not having anyone to talk to who understands is hard.

Do you think you would feel different if you had a house full. Would that be a boost or does that worry you? Is it the lack of enquiries that's getting you down or are you finding it difficult generally. Do you think a phone call and an extra child would help?

I prefer a house full over 1. I like the busy atmosphere and did get a bit down myself when I only had 1 mindee in the day 2yrs ago.

[sprinkles]

Awww Sprinkles I could of written this post myself. I am exactly the same I get ideas and have to do them or I just won't settle then like you I either hate it or fail at putting the idea forward. Big hugs your way hun no advice as I am not yet a childminder I am still in the process of making my ideas come forward but this is one I WILL do!!! You can make this work too hun, Don't give up.. Learn on the job Xx

Aw thank you! I'm just not sure it is right for me, but feel absolutely stupid after dressing it up to be my dream job etc - what an idiot lol! Although I honesty couldn't care what anyone else thinks of me (other minders in the town, parents etc) as long as hubby supports me that's all I need!

I really hope you succeed in this and enjoy it lots xx

[smartbear]

I feel like a failure because it is nothing how I imagined. I was stupid and thought I could do this when I have no experience or anything! I've never even looked after a child before and I thought I could meet all their needs etc? Who was I kidding!! I'm not gonna lie, I thought it would be easy but it's the hardest thing I've ever done!

I just dived right in - got an idea and wouldn't settle til I had done it even though I probably knew way back then that it wouldn't work.

Dived right in - or went with your instincts? You can be doing the right thing but there will still be things that are less than easy - it's how we learn & all that. BUT for now, main thing is you're NOT stuck behind a desk or a counter or even in a classroom so think of something you'd love to do out there, take the baby along & enjoy yourself. Get the train to the nearest seaside!

[sprinkles]

Is there anyone you could talk to . Any other childminders? Sometimes not having anyone to talk to who understands is hard.

Do you think you would feel different if you had a house full. Would that be a boost or does that worry you? Is it the lack of enquiries that's getting you down or are you finding it difficult generally. Do you think a phone call and an extra child would help?

I prefer a house full over 1. I like the busy atmosphere and did get a bit down myself when I only had 1 mindee in the day 2yrs ago.

I think it's a bit of both - I'm finding it hard in general but also don't think having just one that needs me to entertain them constantly helps! I really can't see any enquiries coming my way any time soon though as there's 14 others in the town and most have spaces too! But it would be ***'s law if I decided to give up I would get more enquiries.

We went a walk up to hubby's work earlier, just to get out and have a breather, and he has reassured me I'm not a failure and that whatever I want to do, he will support me.