TOILETING NIGHTMARE PLEASE HELP! /SUPPORT

**sony123** · 17-03-2013, 08:19 AM

HI EVERYONE, I potty/toilet trained my daughter in october i left it late as shes always had problems with constipation and she totally refused to come out of nappies too! which is why it was also delayed she starts school full time in april yes APRIL YIKES im running out of ideas some days shes fine and others she uses toilet half the day then just wets and poops in pants constant like up to 6 times a day and im drained by then! also now doing cminding she has played on this and rebelled due to me working so is doing it more!i have 3 other children to care for while al this is going on. and in april am meant to have 1&2 yr old starting!

I have asked the nursery & health visitor for help or a support line and they have been totally uceless and patronising! my daughter is happy i just want the toileting sorted 100% so she is sorted ready for scool and i can carry on working and be happy not have to worry about her wetting! as otherwise i will stop childminding all together as this is what the nursery & h.visitor suggested i b a bum and let my daughter win me bk to herself! which would really ****** me off as ive worked so hard to get this far!

any suggestions please save me as i feel like a crap mum at the mo and am really run down because of it! even though i try and carry on as normal for the sake of work & people seing me happy to be professional!

**shortstuff** · 17-03-2013, 08:26 AM

Firstly let me say you dont sound like a crap mum! You sound like you would be willing to stop doing something you enjoy for the sake of your LO, which imo makes you a good mum. So please stop putting yourself down.

Next up has your daughter struggled from day one? Or just have issues when the other LO's are around for attention?

Maybe its worth you taking a week off? To give 1-2-1 attention to the toiletting issues and make LO feel special before she starts school?

**AgentTink** · 17-03-2013, 08:36 AM

Oh hun I feel for you. First thing you are not a bad, however whilst you feel like this your daughter will pick up on you being stressed and that won't help the situation.

Take a step back, and think about other ways to encourage your daughter.

Has she stopped suffering from constipation. If not get back to the doctors and say you need advise and support.

Go to the school and ask for a meeting as i would be advising them of the situation. They may have support they can offer, or at the very least they will be aware of situation and help your daughter once in school.

I am not sure what date in April she starts school so it may be putting additional pressure on you for her to be potty trained and your daughter will sense this. Is there anyway you can take off a Friday and Monday and spend 4 days kust you and daughter having another go, by going back to the beginning of training?

Reward charts can be a great help, either a immediate reward or build up of stickers by end of day etc means something.

Go back to taking your daughter to toilet every 30 mins or so.

Is there any other issues you are aware of that may be putting her off? Like being scared?

I was also minding whilst I potty trained my daughter, I had already decided that for the week we would be doing everything in the home, so no groups and trips out so that I could help my daughter. I just made sure I planned the week to gave lots of activities such as singing, reading, crafts, messy play etc to keep everyone entertained. We after all work from home.

**sony123** · 17-03-2013, 08:59 AM

I only have these kids for another two weeks before the one n two yr old start how would I tell parents today that I can no longer have kids? They have been vile from the start to me and I told my inspector I only carried on care for the children and to be working .the parent does have mental health problems and has always been really abusive so worried to tell them I can't have kids! I do feel in my head though that I should take time off till April fifteenth to b their 100%. For my girl but it's just telling the parents now I'm **** scared of!

**blue bear** · 17-03-2013, 09:01 AM

Oh I remember this well, it's a great way of getting all the attention focused on you if you are the child in question.
So give her the attention in a positive way,I resorted to smarties (I know bad mummy and all that but I was sooooo desperate) I bought the mini smarties emptied them out of the boxes and put them in a pot. Every time he went to the toilet successfully he was allowed to choose a smartie and also all the other children got one too. I didnot (and still don't 16 years later, for some strange reason) buy smarties for any other reason.
By letting all the other children have a smartie too meant they encourage my little fella to go more often and they wanted a treat.

Keep her home this week and Go back to basics, start on Monday on the toilet every 30minutes,on Tuesday a little further apart on Wednesday she should be asking at least some of the time and byFriday you should be well on your way.because this is a re start it will take longer so do not relax too much and expect her to get on with it but at the same time you can't be potty timing her as she will carry on soiling when not with you. I have set times the children all go try for a wee effort eating,before leaving the house, as soon as we arrive somewhere like toddlers or home again. We all go to the toilet and wash our hands. We chat as we go congratulating each other,even the nappy wearers join in washing their hands. Toilet time should be a relaxed none rushed affair.

Is she still suffering with constipation? Go see your gp but also up her liquid intake, this might mean making your own fruit lollies and smoothies etc or just make them with water my little man loved them and it got extra liquid in him. Califig is good for blockages but not long term use.

HTH

**blue bear** · 17-03-2013, 09:06 AM

Do a formal letter saying dear x due to a change in circumstances I am no longer ale to provide care for x and y. The last day of care will be x.
I have really enjoyed looking after x and y and wish you all the best for the future.

When mum comes explain how you are not coping well with problems with your daughter regarding potty training and feel the need to stop minding for a while and give her the letter. What Is the notice period on your contract? Mine is four weeks not two.

**AgentTink** · 17-03-2013, 09:11 AM

Not a nice position to be in being scared. If you really want time with your daughter and you don't think you can arrange something with the parent then I would in this situation ring and tell them that your daughter has got a vomiting bug so you have to close your setting. Make sure if they have paid you already that you tell the mum how you will refund her to try to stop her becoming abusive to you, as if they are leaving you will ne unable to deduct the days pay from next months bill. If they are leaving you soon anyway they may have other care that they could start sooner.

**sony123** · 17-03-2013, 09:13 AM

Yep mines four weeks but in this situation would be today I'd have to tell her as b too late for my little one.it does state I can end contract with em mediate effect if needed so shud b ok.just worried if it will help my little one as I'd b loosing out on700 taking four weeks off

**sony123** · 17-03-2013, 09:17 AM

I would have to ring them today say care has to stop due to daughters problems . I wouldn't b able to lie as children r in same nursery together dwn rd from mine c. They've paid up to date so payments r all sorted.just worried theyd give me no reference n tell ppl I'm unreliable if I stop care coz the way these ppl r! X

**AgentTink** · 17-03-2013, 09:22 AM

If you ring and say that your child has vomiting, so that you spend time at home potty training her, then you would not be sending her to nursery as you would be training her at home, so they would be unaware that you had not been truthful.

Have I miss understood? I thought this family was leaving you and you were starting 2 New children in their place in April? Sorry if I have misunderstood your post.

**sony123** · 17-03-2013, 09:29 AM

Hi yep children have two weeks left with me then they start school so wouldn't need children here anymore and new client with two kids who I said I couldn't c fri I could tell them kids could start in a month as havent done contracts yet.just worried if parents aren't happy with this ill have no clients at all then and my little one still might b wetting same as she is now

**caz3007** · 17-03-2013, 09:56 AM

If you dont want to give immediate notice to these children and miss out on the money. Are you working on Good Friday and Easter Monday. I would not arrange anything for those 4 days and be determined to crack the potty training over the long weekend. I had a problem with a mindie and his mum did the sweet reward thing and it worked, we just did it for a few days and once he had cracked the toileting we told him we had ran out of sweets.

You need to think about whats best for you and your DD taking all things into consideration. Good luck x

**loocyloo** · 17-03-2013, 10:03 AM

http://www.childmindinghelp.co.uk/fo...et-issues.html

this thread was posted during the week, there are some ideas here.

good luck and thinking of you xxx

**Optimalstar** · 17-03-2013, 10:45 AM

Oh I might check out that link. My DS is 29months now and not really keen to use the potty. He's the youngest of 6 and I admit we've babied him so he was late sitting up and walking and I've held off potty training. Not to keep him a baby just laziness I Guess :-/