Advice on behaviour control please!!!!!

[sunview_cm]

OMG! I've had such a bad last few hours!
Fridays are always manic but I've taken on a new mindee about a month ago that seemed lovely to begin with! He is an only child and doesn't really know how to behave around other children. Although when I mentioned this to mum she did remind me that he has been at nursery since he was little. I am waiting for mum to sign a form to say I can share info with the nursery then I plan on contacting them to see what they have been working on with him, but mum has not mentioned any issues. He is very bright for his age and missed out on going to school last sept by 1 day!

What he does- He will constantly say a child's name like Lucy lucy lucy lucy lucy lucy lucy lucy lucy............ not because he wants to particularly say anything because when I ask he comes out random things he's just thought of, but I will quite often say B***(his name) thats enough but he takes no notice of me and will carry on. As you can imagine this aggrevates the other children.
My daughter is quite tempermental and I'm having issues with her at the moment with tantrums etc but if shes "grumpy" he will see this as a great game of winding her up until she looses it. If its just constantly making a noise she doesnt like and not stopping when I ask him to, until I have to raise my voice! Or he will do something like put something on her head which will start her screaming (I am working on her asking him to stop, but shes finding it hard!) and today I was trying to get her to tell him "no I don't like that" and he just kept doing it and doing it, I asked him to stop but he just wouldn't until I raised my voice again.
He was winding my son up at the dinner table insisting he was 7 and my son kept says "no I'm 6," and b*** would come back"no your 7" untill they were shouting at each other. I know my son is also to blame but he just gets so annoyed at him.
If a child is playing with something he will insist he wants to play with it and goes on about "you must share, you must share" even though he doesn't even really want it and will soon move onto some different!
He repeats what the other children are saying over and over again, he just doesnt let up!
Now this afternoon has been really difficult as the other children seemed to be extra grumpy and hyper(probably due to half term etc) but it has made me seek advice. When I read this the behaviour doen't seem to be over bad but its how this behaviour then effects the other children, they all just get stressed and "grumpy" with each other, causing fall outs and arguments!
I don't know how to approach it with mum without making it sound like I am blaming her son and labeling as naughty(which I'm not) but if he doesn't calm down or I don't find a statagy that works I don't think I can continue looking after him.
Any advice would be gratefully received! on dealing with the behaviour and dealing with mum.
Thanks
Emma

[sarah707]

It sounds like your lo knows exactly what buttons to press with the other children including your own so he winds them up.

he might be very intelligent and need extra stimulation - or you might need to supervise him more closely - i am not saying you don't supervise him closely enough for the average child but this child is clearly not average...

So keep him close to you, watch him closely, stop situations before they get too much for your children... and keep him very, very busy so he does not have time for his mischief.

Try and find out what happened at nursery asap.

hugs xx

[RuthJ]

Oh heck, sounds stressful!

I haven't really dot any advice but some of the things you mentioned reminded me so much of my own two children . They are 5 & 3, girl and boy, and they wind each other up no end. They do play well together a lot of the time, but it's worse when they're tired or not been outside for a few hours!! They really need a chance in the day to let off steam. We also are trying to help my DD (5) particularly to communicate without getting cross and bad tempered, and likewise my DS to give her some space. Games and puzzles work really well sometimes as a distraction and to get them working together.

Not sure if that's helped at all really, sorry! But I guess for my two they are just completely diferent personalities and have to respect each other differences. Fo you however, it's hard when their space is being invaded by another child who isn't respecting their wishes.

Feel for you

[blue bear]

When he starts his repetitive behaviour, kneel down in front of him, hold his arms gently and tell him to stop x doesn't like it, make sure he knows you mean it without getting cross. Use your tone of voice.
If you need to go out of the room to prepare dinner etc, set him a task to keep him busy, possibly taking him with you or a task you can be sure will keep him occupied for the time you need to leave him.

Agree with Sarah, get permission to speak to the nursery so you have the whole picture, have you tracked him against the eyfs?

[jelly jiggles]

This sounds a lot like a lo I care for. Been 2 years and 2 mths now. I give warnings and use time out. I also use star charts and give stickers for good behaviour. Really feel for you but stay strong.

[sunview_cm]

Thanks everyone and yes Sarah that is a good point I'm going to have to observe him more closely, when the other kids are at preschool and school he is perfectly fine! No mischief! Is polite, friendly and can occupy himself as well as join in with activities with a younger child.
I haven't tracked on the eyfs yet, but he knows all his numbers, alphabet, he can spell and write his own name.
Do I need to make mum aware of the behaviour, before I put in the new strategy of watching more closely, keeping him with me so I can stop things before they start? Coming down to his level and telling no? And if so how do I go about it? What should I say? I did mention some of the behaviour to her on his 2nd week with me but it was very difficult. He is an only child and I think worshipped by his mum and mum has a partner is very fussy with him! It's half term next week and I'm dreading it! A whole day next Friday and I'm full from 7:30 till 6!!!
I have wrote down some of the behaviours and issues I am struggling with just for back up if needed. Should I write an account of his behaviour on the days I have him?

[sarah707]

Parents don't tend to react well to negatives... so what I would do is to positive it up...

We have seen some lovely playing with xx and yy today. Lo clearly enjoys trains / cars / balls blah blah

We are having a few teething problems with communication with the other children (stick to just one issue at a time) which we are working on by ....

Please sign the sharing with other settings form now - here it is and here's a pen - so we can support lo fully.

[mushpea]

I would say he's trying to find out what he can get away with and once you 'crack down' on his behaviour it should stop, if it dosent then this could be the time for concern.
as has been said when he starts to get annoying gently but firmly hold his arms so he focuses on you and tell him its not a nice thing to do and that it needs to stop, if it dosent stop gently remove him from the situation for a few minutes then speak to him about why you did this then say he can play but only if he dosent do xx again.
I have a child with ADHD and he can wind the others up but simarly so can his sister wind him up, she can see when hes in a bad mood and knows what buttons to push and even when he's behaved all afternoon she likes to annoy him, its mentaly draining and blooming hard work some days but you need to be consistant in what you do and make it clear that unaceptable behaviour will not be tolerated.
observe him when he's with the others, could it be he just dosent know them well enough yet to know how to intereact with them? if he's at nursery the children will be of similar age where as at yours they may be different aged children and he may not know quite how to fit in, when he's winding them up have you tried asking him why he does this and prehaps you could say to him 'instead of saying her name over and over again why not say it once and when she answers ask if you can join in' or suggest things he can do to prehaps join in the game and let the others know that they prehaps need to let him play somtimes so he dosent feel left out, not saying this is whats happening as without being there its hard to know what to say or suggest but these are things I normally do.
with the child I have I find its better to get his attention, talk to him in a calm voice, expalin why its not acceptable behaviour and what he could do instead.
hop this helps

[sony123]

This sounds like me! i have just had three new starters of same family and all lovely when they get on but the one who is the same age as mine has major tantrums and just screams their head off if they dont get their own way theyve been with me about five weeks now only another two months to go until they start school though and leave and it wil just b occasional care then ! They are in the same nursery as mine as this has been so bad for my little one as mindee winds them up a treat and they dont eant to go to nursery now but i keep reminding mine only few weeks etc till start school!as they are both tention seaking n tipping drinks etc n casuing cahous in nursery!

I have spoken to the parents and they said this is normal behaviour for this child at home! i did say its not normal though and they are total fine when on own with me as soon as their older brother etc are back after school this childs behaviour is out of control and i have my inspection this week so i have had to send mine to grandparents as so worried about them being crazy infront of inspector lol! the naughty step worked but then the little mindee bullies their older borthers n sisters etc i told the parents this isnt on as their behaviour is out of control but yes they dont like negative feedback!

So i just try and control it while their with me but have told them they should not be allowed to control and bully their older brthers n sisters as this is wrong !

sony xx