Advice on CMing with your own children

[Two Princesses]

Hi, I'm a newly registered cm and I was just after some advice on how long it took your lo's to settle into 'mummys new job'?
My DD1 is 4.9 and when I told her I was going to become a cm and pick her up from school every day she was over the moon ("this is the best day EVER!" were her exact words ). I've been reg since Oct but only got my first 2 mindees in Jan (one of the boys in her class and his 8 yr old sister). The first couple of weeks she was really good and loved them coming home every day but last week everything seemed to go to pot with her crying and begging to go to friends houses after school she had 2 play dates this week and she liked those (not to mention the mindees and my dd2 (2) got on a lot better too!) but I'm not sure if this is normal.
Our childcare fell through last summer and I thought this would be the ideal solution to benefit all the family so I can be there for my dds (dd1 has been in childcare since she was 5mo and wanted to know why mummy couldn’t pick her up from school) but she seems to be just as unhappy. Is this a phase and will she get over it or should I really start thinking about another way to make money from home, we can't survive on DH's salary alone and I hate seeing her so upset every night?
I try to give her attention after they go home but sometimes it’s a rush just to do dinner, bath, story and bed
Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated.

[Baildon bears]

It is hard at first for your own children, but they do get used to it, I compromised by looking after little ones through the day, not doing after schoolers. When I started my youngest was 3 years and he found it hard, but he also found it equally as hard when he had built up a sibling relation ship with my first mindee and he left my setting. I think you feel guilty what ever you do, but they do get used to it and my children are much more sociable because if it, and I'm able to be there for them while earning money.

[Two Princesses]

Thanks Baildon bears - I didn't expect it to be easy on them as they all have to adjust, mindees aswell, but I think I expected it to be dd2 to be the one who had problems as she's a more 'demanding' child than dd1!
These were the first mindees/parents that wanted me so I didn't really get a choice!
Here's hoping she's settled into it before the summer holidays

[Mouse]

I do think it can be really hard on your own children if you look after children from the same class as them. They see these children all day, then have them at home with them as well. It's a novelty to start with, but they can soon get fed up of it. Imagine if you worked in an office with someone you didn't mind, but wasn't particularly a friend, but you had to take them home with you every night. It can be tough.

I made the decision very early on not to childmind children who were the same age as my school aged children. If you are going to carry on with these children you need to talk to your daughter and find out how you can make it easier for her. Can she have time by herself in her bedroom, or can you see if the children could be collected earlier so you have more time for your children.

Personally though, I would give it a set amount of time and if she is still unhappy I would consider giving notice and trying to find some children who she would be more comfortable with.

[Joda]

I've been childminding for 5 years now - since my ds started school. I have come to realise that he's fine with the younger ones but really cannot cope with having older children (of around his age) in the house. I have given up having after-schoolies now (apart from the 2 x 5 year olds that I have had since they were babies, but even that is only a couple of days a week) and ds is fine. The only problem really is that after school I have to devote my time to the babies/toddlers and don't have enough time to spend with him until they have gone home at 5.

[~Grasshopper~]

Hi

my son is nearly 5 and its taken a while for him to adjust, we have started to let him stay up a but later than his 2 year old brother and have mummy or daddy special time. which normally involves staying up till 7/7.30pm and watching the soaps in mummies bed and chatting. it makes him feel grown up and special and when he misbehaves he goes to bed at 6pm with his brother.

ive also explained that this is mummies job and if i go back to work he will have to go to the after school club.

x

[blue bear]

It's so hard in the early days, I soon realised my children coped best if I didn't take children on older than them. There's a definite pecking order with children and older ones tend to come out on top, sounds like your lo might feel a bit displaced. Try working on how special she is, give her responsibilities and readers for being your eldest like being able to stay up later or being able to play in her room but mindees not.

[llkbabob]

my eldest loves it especially when i have a little one , she turns into a mom my 5 year old was fine to start with then about a month into it he decided no one was allowed to play with his toys so he would block to door so no one could come in, but hes settled down again now. he now hates it when i have a day off and he has no one to play with, because i don't play right apparently

[Two Princesses]

Thanks for the advice :-) I suppose her feelings are very normal as other children are invading her home and time with mummy. She has a stair gate on her bedroom and mindees are not allowed in so this is her space which she can invite people into or not as she chooses fit. I think the idea of staying up later is a good one so may try that this week. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to turn down work as this was the only enquiry I had but as I'm finding, you live and learn! I do think the 2 girls (dd1 and mindee) are strong willed and are used to being the oldest and top of the pecking order so will have to work on helping both.
Thx

[candlequeen]

I think it must be very hard on your daughter having two siblings who are the same age and older in her home. I'm sure she will get used to it in time, but if I were you I would possibly consider taking on a younger child during the day instead of after school kids.
I think a lot of us have been there. When you give up work to childmind it's easy to have this idea that your kids will be happier, but sharing your home, your toys, your parent and your quiet space with other children must be very stressful. You'll soon get a feeling of whether it's worth working through, or just too much for everyone.

[The Juggler]

my two were up and down. dd was 2 and ds was just 5. ds struggled a bit with the older school child i had who was more advanced, better at sports etc, etc. he loved his company but it did nothing for his self-esteem

dd loved having the company but had terrible tantrums (but she did before hand too- I just saw more of them once I was CM'ing - before that I worked full time in an office). She loved teh kids I looked after.

I think they all have their moments and the choice for me was that I went back out to work and never saw them so I never saw it as a negative option. See mummy and share mummy or never see mummy. As they've got older they understand this and there are times when they said they wanted me to go back to work and go back to G's (their old childminder) gee thanks kids but only in moments of tantrums

[loocyloo]

ds was 18mths when i started minding, and prior to that i was nannying, and he came too, so he'd never really had me to 'himself', as at weekends/evg DH was there too!

dd was only a few weeks when i went back to minding ( just a couple of afterschoolies ) and she knows no different either!

we moved, and we had a term and most days in the summer holidays without me working and they really missed having mindees around! my 2 get on so much better when other children are in the house! i currently only have LO, although they are here for tea, but DD (6) and Ds ( 9 ) generally love playing with them, and LO love them! sometimes they go off and do their own things/have playdates etc. i have an older mindee in the school holidays and thats great as he gets on well with my 2, plus anothe rmindee i take to school once a week. before we moved, i had alot of schoolies, but as i had had the majority of them ( & siblings ) since they were little, they had all grown up together and were one big happy family. since moving, i am very wary of adding schoolies to the mix, as my 2 had such a positive experience before, i don't want them to resent mindees.

most of the time my 2 are happy with mindees, but sometimes they would rather just have me to themselves. i have one day that i don't mind, so that is 'our' day!

[VINASOL]

Hi, I'm a newly registered cm and I was just after some advice on how long it took your lo's to settle into 'mummys new job'?
My DD1 is 4.9 and when I told her I was going to become a cm and pick her up from school every day she was over the moon ("this is the best day EVER!" were her exact words ). I've been reg since Oct but only got my first 2 mindees in Jan (one of the boys in her class and his 8 yr old sister). The first couple of weeks she was really good and loved them coming home every day but last week everything seemed to go to pot with her crying and begging to go to friends houses after school she had 2 play dates this week and she liked those (not to mention the mindees and my dd2 (2) got on a lot better too!) but I'm not sure if this is normal.
Our childcare fell through last summer and I thought this would be the ideal solution to benefit all the family so I can be there for my dds (dd1 has been in childcare since she was 5mo and wanted to know why mummy couldn’t pick her up from school) but she seems to be just as unhappy. Is this a phase and will she get over it or should I really start thinking about another way to make money from home, we can't survive on DH's salary alone and I hate seeing her so upset every night?
I try to give her attention after they go home but sometimes it’s a rush just to do dinner, bath, story and bed
Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated.

I have two children. Boy aged 9, and a girl who has just turned 5. I have been minding since Sep 10. I took on a girl who was in my DDs nursery inSep, then another girl in Jan11. Both are now in my DDs class at school and it is a nightmare!

I gave notice to the first girl and thankfully all previous issues vanished. My DDs behaviour improved (she became so timid, tearful and major tantrums from being picked on daily). I'm thinking of giving notice to the 2nd child because of similiar issues. They all seem to be 'jealousy' issues...i.e. my DD gets to have mummy every day whereas they don't etc and now the issue is that mindee is jealous that my DD is friends with another girl (who mindee is friends with). It's become nasty. I'm trying to also get my DD to go to playdates etc so she doesn't have to put up with it.

I don't mean to be negative, but I will never ever look after a child who is in the same class/year as my children.

My kids find it hard that we don't just have 'us' time but it has improved since having the little ones (under 3yrs)...so once I no longer have before/after schoolies life will be better I think.

Not really helpful probably; sorry

[Two Princesses]

Thanks VINASOL :-) not really helpful but it's open my eyes!
Candlequeen - I am desperately trying to get a younger mindee but around here there doesn't seem to be much work :-( The only enquiry I did have decided to go with another childminder who had more experience. I have parents coming on Thursday with a 6 month old for a July start but obviously (if all goes to plan!) it won't be for another 5 months.
The Juggler - Did your DD have bad tantrums or just normal 2 yr old tantrums? my 2 year old can be like that too :-)
Loocyloo - A day off seems like a good idea :-)
I think I'll see how it goes for the next month or so and just make sure my dd's get special mummy time regularly. Our only options are me cming or going back to work and trying to find childcare for our 2 but as this was one of the reasons I registered initially I'm not sure how easy that will be.

[uf353432]

I have 2 girls - 6 and 3.5. My youngest was a babe in arms when I started minding - so doesn't know any different. She loves having the children here in the day and appreciates the older children after school as a change in tempo in the late afternoon. 95% of my EYFS kids go home late afternoon leaving me free to focus my attention on my after school kids. There are only 3 days a week when my EYFS go into after school hours and on those days its only 1 in addition to my youngest.

My 6 yr old shares me with up to 8 other children depending on the day of the week - and at least 4 of those kids on different days are in her class, the rest of the children are the siblings of her school mates. Some days she tries her luck and plays up a bit - normally when she is tired. HOWEVER every day is a play date and she REALLY appreciates our weekends when she can kick back and relax.

My oldest has been told that IF I wasn't childminding I would NEED to go to work in an office job again. If I did that SHE would need to go to a childminder and I wouldn't be there to take her or pick up from school every day. I wouldn't be around in the holidays, she wouldn't go on day trips or do the millions of activities I put on through the year for the childminding children and my kids. I explained I would have to downsize the number of toys we had - and I probably wouldn't have half the craft stock that I do now. I reminded her that it is a comprimise - you can have me, if you share me whilst I am working - but it will be fun!

I have very firm rules though, the upstairs is registered - but only sleeping kids are permitted up there - my children can access their room when they like - but childminding kids are to stay downstairs at all times. My kids can when they have guests, playdates etc take their friends to their room and play if they wish. All our toys are downstairs - EXCEPT for my daughters most favourite toys - which if they want to keep them for themselves are left in their room and played with outside of minding hours - or in minding hours in their room - if they bring them downstairs they are fair game for all.

The upside is that they get to play with so many more toys than they would ever had access to if I wasn't minding, more opportunities for activities than I would ever have the energy for and loads of children eager and willing to role play until home time.

Give your little one time to adjust - they will - you just need to work out what works for your family and run with it with confidence and consistency. Give yourself time to work things out as well - know that the alternative to minding is not neccessarily a better outcome for the kids and use that knowledge to make your little ones secure in the decisions you have made.

[Two Princesses]

Thanks uf353432, I hope she will come round. I don't want to go back to not seeing them all day. I didn't like them sharing all their fun times with their CM and not me (selfish hey?!) I will keep reiterating why we are doing this and how it will benefit us as a family if we all work together.

ps - triangle sandwiches DO taste better than square ones

[The Juggler]

hon, my dd had baaad tantrums (still does now at nearly 10 ) she is, shall we say spirited, all her emotions are off the scale, highs AND lows.

[EmmaReed84]

Both my children find it really hard, if youngest mindee is having a cuddle DS (3) comes over wanting a cuddle, instead of getting him to wait I give them a cuddle together. I make sure when all is calm I give him a cuddle and tell him how much mummy loves him. With DS (6) it is a bot harder because after school run it is dinner, clear up, mindees go home, shower, reading and bed.

One thing my kids LOVE and we talk about all week is "Golden Time" golden time is the weekend when both DH and I are at home, the kids know that we still need to do SOME housework etc, but mainly the days are theirs. We ask during the week what they want to do and how fun our golden time will be, we also explain they are extra special which is why they get golden time and that we dont give mindees this time. They love it, whenever there are tantrums or jealously I just gently remind them and they usually calm down