So dissapointed with myself!

[ma7ie]

I had a new little boy start with me this morning. He is the Latvian boy who I wrote about in a previous thread.

We didn't have any settling in sessions because his mum needed me immediately so I guess I was thrown in at the deep end a bit although he came both times with mum for interview and signing of contracts.

Anyway I've only had him for half the day and already mum has had to come and pick him up.

He has been out of control all morning. He arrived at 7.30am and from then on he was like a wild child - throwing toys, jumping on toys, smacking dd and other mindee, pulling hair, climbing on furniture and over the top, climbing on worktops, throwing ornaments.

I first put it down to being a bit overexcited at being in a new environment but it continued all morning. We went to playgroup and he was the same there. He dragged children out of toy cars, he hit a little girl in the face with a plastic plate because she had a toy he wanted, threw a huge bucket of water over a little boy (I could go on...)

Whenever I tried to say no to him he just screamed at me and tried to hit or kick me. Then went straight back to doing what he was doing again and laughing.

Dd was also trying to copy him which I was really worried about.

So by lunchtime I had had enough and rang mum to collect him. She was very apologetic and said he had never done that before but I told her that I couldn't look after him anymore as it wasn't good for dd and other mindee (I've not spent a minute looking after them all morning as all my energy was with this boy).

I feel so disappointed in myself for not continuing and giving him more of a chance but I just couldn't do it.

Other mindees mum saw him when she dropped mindee off and commented on it and I've just spoken to her and she told me that she wouldn't have been happy if I had carried on with this but I've lost a full time place before I've even started and am now back to square one again.

[Spangles]

You sound like you had a nightmare morning.

I don't blame you for reacting like you did but if you are regretting it could you perhaps call the mum and ask her to come and discuss this with you? Maybe she could shed some light on his behaviour and she could manage some settling in sessions after all?

Please don't let it get you down, I'm sure lots of us would have done the same, I know I would.

xx

[Pipsqueak]

How awful for you Marie. I wonder if the little lad was over-excited or has other problems that you had not been told about. It must be hard for the lad if there is communication problems, perhaps he has not had a lot of discipline/boundaries in his life or social experiences.
You have done what was right for you and your daughter so don't feel bad about that.

What I will say is that its nothing to do with other parents who you take on. Don't allow her to question your professional judgement like that.

I am sure you will fill the place soon though - fingers crossed.

[Polly2]

Oh Marie

Sounds like you have had a tough morning. I wonder why he was so wild?

You have got to think of the other children too though and think you did the right thing. Don't beat yourself up. More work will come along I am sure.

Big hugs xx

[ma7ie]

I really don't think he has had any boundaries set at home. We had problems getting him to go on Friday night. He totally ignored his mum and she made hardly any effort to make him go. She talked in Latvian in a monota single voice and he just laughed and ran off. It took 20 minutes to get him to leave then.

I understand it must be hard and frustrating coming to a family that speaks a totally different language but he understood the word "no" and chose to ignore it.

I feel like such a failure and maybe I'm not cut out for this, but I'm doing this job so I can stay at home with dd and I know I can do it. Other mindees mum has been happy with my care.

[Spangles]

There you go, you just talked yourself round!

You know you can do it and the other mum is really happy with you!

The child wouldn't have behaved any differently for anybody else, it wasn't you. Perhaps he needs to be with a childminder on her own - purely 1 to 1 attention. It wasn't your fault in any way so please don't feel like that.

[angeldelight]

I think that who ever had this little boy would have had these problems Marie its not you !!

The little boy that I had on earlies a few mths ago was the same and I ended up giving notice - only wish I would have done it sooner like yourself

Sorry it did not work out and I hope you get some more calls soon

Hope you are ok ?

Angel xx

[caza]

Sorry things didn't work out for you but you shouldn't blame yourself. You did what was right for you and the other children.They are entitled to get an equal amount of your attention and that wasn't going to be possible while you were looking after this boy. For what its worth i think you made the right decision

Caroline

[mum22]

It is a shame it did not work out for you - but think of it this way - if someone saw you out and about , could it , would it of put them off placing their child with you - you could potentially have lost more in the long run - dont be hard on yourself! You did the right thing your family and safety of other mindees first.

Something else will come along.

x helen

[Banana]

Oh poor you Marie.

I am so sorry that it didnt work out but as said above I think anybody would have had the same outcome with this child, its wasnt your fault.

Hope you find someone else soon and sorry you had such a rubbish morning!

x

[katickles]

What a nightmare morning

I am not suprised you rang his mum I would have done the same. If this lo doesn't have any boundries at home - i don't see how you would be able to teach him boundaries in your setting when he doesn't speak the language. Yes he understands no but when explaining the reasons he wouldn't have a clue what you would be telling him, so not really any chance of him doing as you tell him.

I think if you would have carried on with this lo it would have just got even harder (if thats possible!!) you would have ended up giving notice at some point.

At least this way - you are now able to share your attention equally amoung the lo's that you already mind. You will fill your vacancy soon i'm sure.

Don't beat yourself up about this one though - just put it down to a nightmare day minding

[Blaze]

It is a shame it did not work out for you - but think of it this way - if someone saw you out and about , could it , would it of put them off placing their child with you - you could potentially have lost more in the long run - dont be hard on yourself! You did the right thing your family and safety of other mindees first.

Something else will come along.

x helen

I fully agree! I think you should be proud of yourself for nipping this one quickly in the bud...think of the paperwork you have saved yourself!

[mrsb]

Definately don't be hard on yourself Marie, at the end of the day you have done what is best for all the children and for you, hopefully if he is getting no boundaries at home then this will make his mum sit up and take notice and start implementing some

Don't take it to heart *hugs*

[ma7ie]

Thanks everyone. I know I made the right decision. Just disappointed that I couldn't handle the situation, but when a child laughs and carries on when you say no then you've really got a problem on your hands.

I have to say that mum was lovely about it and apologised for his behaviour.

Got an absolutely banging headache now. Anyway I have the day off tomorrow to recover and dd is going to MIL for the day

[Tatia]

No wonder the Mum wanted to forego a settling in period! She probably knew what he was like and was trying to pull a fast one!

Poor you. You should be proud of yourself, not feeling bad. Not a lot of us would be standing up for ourselves the way you did today. You absolutely did the right thing!

[disney]

i had a child that sounds very simalier to the mindee you had . i did a settling in period and i also had to give him up . i felt guilty but to be honest i know i did the right thing for my other mindees and my self and if i had one like it again i would still do the same .dont be to hard on yourself because sometimes its just what you have to do . but you know now i have some lovely mindees and they are out their waiting for you as well x

[Cazz]

Sorry to hear you have had a bad day Marie. Hope you can have a nice relaxing day tomorrow.

Sorry to jump in on your thread but I just wanted to ask what you class as a settling in session? Is it one or more free sessions and if so how long do you have them for and do the parents generally stay or leave them from the beginning?

This is all new to me so I have to ask questions when things are mentioned that I don't know

Carole x

[sarah707]

Sorry to hear you have had a bad day Marie. Hope you can have a nice relaxing day tomorrow.

Sorry to jump in on your thread but I just wanted to ask what you class as a settling in session? Is it one or more free sessions and if so how long do you have them for and do the parents generally stay or leave them from the beginning?

This is all new to me so I have to ask questions when things are mentioned that I don't know

Carole x

A settling in session is usually an hour or 2 on your own with a child before they start. I usually do a free session and if parents want more settling in they then pay my hourly rate.

It is a good way to spot potential problems - poor Marie wasn't given this option as she was railroaded into starting with a full day.

I had a little boy just like she describes, many years ago and he lasted 2 sessions - the first to realise I had made a monumental mistake and the second to build up the courage to ring his mother and ask her to take him away and never bring him back to my house again.

You did the right thing Marie, applaud yourself rather than getting upset

[Trouble]

dont be dissapointed with your self it isnt your fault

you lasted longer than i would of done

is their no one near bye that speaks his language or a nursery with a teacher who speaks his language

di

[Mollymop]

Poor you, don't feel bad about it though, I would have done the same thing. I hope you get another child soon