is it too much for her?

**BlondeMoment** · 04-10-2011, 06:32 PM

Hi there minders!

I look after my 2.5 year old niece three days a week and have recently noticed a change in her behavior. She pushes boundaries constantly and doesn't seem to be learning that this behavior is unacceptable. She was always very good for me and if ever she was naughty a few spells on the time out step would usually teach her and that would be the end of that phase.
recently she doesn't seem to be getting it. It's as if she's stopped caring whether she's a good girl or not.

To be honest she is pushed from pillar to post. She now goes to one set of grandparents on a Monday, me on a Tuesday, other set of grandparents on a Wednesday morning then they take her to a nursery in the afternoon, Thursday she's back with me, Friday morning she's with me then she's picked up by grandparents and taken to nursery in the afternoon.
I feel she's stressed and has far too many different routines and different carers to adapt to.
I don't want to step on grandparents toes because I know they love having her but I feel she has too much to deal with. I may see if I can get a variation so I can take her more often. But the nursery is a new thing and I can't see them dropping it as her Mum was really keen for her to go.
Agh!
Want to help as I really feel for this little girl but don't want to offend, or accuse anyone of stressing their child out.

What do you all think?

**sarah707** · 04-10-2011, 06:48 PM

It could be an age thing - 2 1/2 - 3 year olds often have an urge to assert themselves...

Or it could be tiredness and confusion with different rules and boundaries...

Or it could be just one more place to go in her busy week that has tipped the balance...

I think you need to chat with her parents but focus it very much on what they have noticed happening at home and her needs.

Good luck with it all x

**Vickster** · 04-10-2011, 08:53 PM

She sounds like my 2 yr 4 month old daughter. Unfortunately it is boundary pushing time. Stay consistent be firm, but pick your battles and you will get the girl you used to know back at the end of it.

**The Juggler** · 04-10-2011, 09:06 PM

it is def. boundary pushing age hon, but oh my goodness what a week for a little one - I would say she IS confused, she probably doesn't know where she's going, or when or who to expect to be looking after her.

I think I might approach parents and see at least if she could do full day at nursery/full days with you/full days with gparents - that might be easier on her

**BlondeMoment** · 05-10-2011, 07:09 AM

Where I'm fully aware it's boundary pushing age, I'm still concerned that her behavior has definitely become worse since starting this nursery as well as everything else. I've cared for two year olds for 15 years so I know how they roll. I just feel so bad for her. Do you think Ofsted would grant me a variation so I can take her some extra days.

**JCrakers** · 05-10-2011, 08:29 AM

Definitly sounds like too much. Sounds a lot for a little one to deal with...children work best with a routine and discipline that is consistant.

We all know what grandparents are like

getting away with a lot of things probably, god love em...lol
Speak with grandparents and get an idea of the discipline they have in place. Does she have a routine there?

Does she have to go to the nursery? Cant they wait until the 3yr old funding kicks in and then put her in a nursery 1 full day or preschool and not go to grandparents?

I think she definitly needs to slow down a bit....

**caz3007** · 05-10-2011, 08:31 AM

I would try with Ofsted as after all its continuity of care, but it depends on what mum wants to do.

Whilst that age is the boundary pushing age, its probable that the nursery was just a step too far for her.

Try with Ofsted, after all you have nothing to lose, just some time to fill in the forms

**BlondeMoment** · 05-10-2011, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by bexc

Definitly sounds like too much. Sounds a lot for a little one to deal with...children work best with a routine and discipline that is consistant.

We all know what grandparents are like

getting away with a lot of things probably, god love em...lol
Speak with grandparents and get an idea of the discipline they have in place. Does she have a routine there?

Does she have to go to the nursery? Cant they wait until the 3yr old funding kicks in and then put her in a nursery 1 full day or preschool and not go to grandparents?

I think she definitly needs to slow down a bit....

I think the reason they've started the nursery is because Mum wants her closer to her. Mum works at the school where the nursery is.
So the instant LO has been old enough to attend, Mum had her signed up.
I understand. I really do. I'd want my child closer to me if it was an option but it's not proving good for Lo and I really feel the relationship between Mum and LO is going to suffer due to the stress of it all.
These parents are my brother in law and his wife. So although they're all family, we're not blood relatives or close enough for me to just barge in with my opinions on all this. I know LO's grandparents (my inlaws) feel the nursery was a step too far also. It's just how to approach this really.

Thanks for help guys x

**snufflepuff** · 05-10-2011, 11:43 AM

I wonder if it's not just that she goes to different carers, more that each carer/ set of carers has different expectations of her? Different sets of rules to follow, different routines etc. So she's testing the boundaries etc because she's trying to work out where she stands with each carer? Must be confusing for her.

**The Juggler** · 05-10-2011, 01:26 PM

I really do think that the full days (wherever that might be) will help. So Either you, GP's or the nursery rather than chopping and changing through the day.

**BlondeMoment** · 06-10-2011, 12:04 AM

Originally Posted by snufflepuff

I wonder if it's not just that she goes to different carers, more that each carer/ set of carers has different expectations of her? Different sets of rules to follow, different routines etc. So she's testing the boundaries etc because she's trying to work out where she stands with each carer? Must be confusing for her.

Exactly! Poor girl doesn't know if she's coming or going