Advice on Childminding with your own little one...

**Blades35** · 27-09-2011, 12:52 PM

Hi All, I have just become registered, and just thought of a scenario, my daughter is 16 months, and I am starting to set boundaries and and try and get her to understand "No" etc, my partner and I have talked about the "Naughty Step" and other methods down the line, as she is starting to test us slightly! Now, this made me think, if I was looking after a mindee, and my daughter misbehaved and I disciplined her how we do normally, then the mindee did the same thing and I didn't discipline them, surely this will give my daughter mixed messages and confuse her? I thought I could explain that it's her mummy that will talk to her etc, but she is too young to understand that kind of conversation at the moment, surely this is a common situation? What do you other Chilminder Mums do??? all your wisdom much appreciated!

**Helen79** · 27-09-2011, 12:58 PM

I have exactly the same discipline methods for my own children and mindees. I wouldn't discipline my own child in a way that I would deem too harsh for a mindee so I don't have naughty steps or time outs.

**mummyMia** · 27-09-2011, 01:03 PM

I have only just started so my advice might not be the best but here goes ...

I have two children and three mindees. I agree that the same methods need to be used for both, otherwise it is not fair. I would quite happily put mindee on 'thinking step' if I ever needed to. So far there has been no need. I do use the 'thinking step' for my 4 year old ds. I have slightly adjusted the way I discipline my own children so that it is more in line with childminding practice. The 'naughty step' has been renamed as the 'thinking step' and I no longer shout at my own two even when I am really really mad! I say 'no' to my mindees for the same type of things that I say 'no' to my own children for. Star/reward charts work well too!

**Zoomie** · 27-09-2011, 01:04 PM

There are rules of my house, and both my children and mindees are subject to them. I do have a thinking spot and I use it quite a lot with my own DD, but not so much with mindees. they don't seem to test boundaries as much as my own children do.

start as you mean to go on, and you should be fine. sort out discipline methods with parents and then you know exactly where you stand.

**JCrakers** · 27-09-2011, 01:35 PM

I would discipline both children the same.
I would rename the 'naughty step' into a 'thinking step' or a 'time out area' as naughty step is a negative term.

If mindee needs disciplining, dont worry about using the same methods that you would do on your own children

Becky

**FizzWizz** · 27-09-2011, 01:55 PM

Totally agree with the others - my DS and mindee are only six months apart in age and they are treated in exactly the same way and are both put out on the naughty mat if required (although my DS tends to need it more!!)

I agree that some parents may not like this method at all and it is something that you may want to make clear in behaviour policies or general discussions. I am lucky in that the parents I work with use similar discipline methods in their own homes - I can not see how it would work if a parent did not agree / support you IYSWIM...

**littlecheeks** · 27-09-2011, 04:46 PM

i agree with others too, i have set rules i stick to for mindees and my own 3 children. i think it helps them all understand everyone is treated the same. i dont really agree with saying your parents will talk to you later, by the time they get home they will forget about it and probably not understand why their parents are telling them off, plus i dont think the parents will want to keep doing the telling off when they get home for something they didnt see.
i would stick to your rules for all.

x

**Boris** · 27-09-2011, 05:48 PM

I have same rules for both although its always my own that push it! They give me more grief than all the mindees put together. I have a "thinking cushion" that I use with all children.

**Blades35** · 27-09-2011, 08:39 PM

Fantastic, thanks everyone, that all makes perfect sense to me, start as I mean to go on as you say, it's clear now, I want to treat them all the same, one big family! But I keep having scenarios popping into my head, I like the "thinking Cushion" I guess I might write this into my discipline procedure and discuss with parents beforehand. Thanks again guys.

**Mel_Johnson** · 27-09-2011, 09:39 PM

I have a 2 year old of my own, 2 6 year olds mindees and 2 3 year old mindees after school. I discpline them all in the same way but age appropriate. I am quite firm with all of them. It would get out of control too easily otherwise. We recently had a bad day when they all got out of control, wound each other up and stopped listening. They all sat on the sofa quitely for some chill out time and chance to calm down (I did warn them no toys and sitting quitely with no telly if they didn't behave!!) They were surprised I went through with it, all their parents were very happy with how I managed their behaviour and they have been good since!!!

**PerkyEars** · 30-09-2011, 07:34 AM

Definately treat them all the same. I have a 'naughty step' but it hardly ever gets any use.

It was only in my childminding training that I came across the idea that a 'naughty step' is too harsh and demeaning. What are you supposed to do instead for serious misbehaviour!? I like the idea of renaming it a 'thinking step'!

**Flisspaps** · 30-09-2011, 08:19 AM

All the children I care for - my own and minded - are treated the same.

However, 16 months is really too little for the concept of a 'naughty step' (or time out or similar) at that age they are not testing you but simply learning, and testing out the world around them and their own capabilities. They have no concept of risk or appropriateness, so sitting them on a spot or a step to think about what they're doing is meaningless - they can't think about what they've done as they don't understand what they have done.

A simple no and lifting them away from what they're doing (eg messing with the DVD player buttons) and distracting them - perhaps with something else with buttons - is a better way to stop them. When they're a bit bigger you can explain that it is dangerous.

And my 18mo DD and 16mo mindee won't sit anywhere I want them to - trying to get them on a naughty step would simply create more upset and distress!

I appreciate that you might be considering the naughty step for the future rather than now, but I've posted this as others might be considering it for children of around 18mo, which is (IMO) pointless!

**suzyjane73** · 30-09-2011, 08:38 AM

It is hard when you have your own children as well. My own children are too old for the naughty step really and respond better to threat of removal of treats, priveledges and toys.

I have used the naughty step for my two year old mindees and it works very well as long as I am consistent.

I'm not a fan of all this "Naughty" is a damaging word nonsense. Kids know what naughty means, it's as simple as that!

**Helen79** · 30-09-2011, 09:20 AM

Here's a good article that explains why I don't use time out and the naughty step.
I used the naughty step with my dd from an early age as it was the 'done thing' and it's contributed (along with other factors) to her believing that I don't love her

I remove a child from a situation and distract but don't do time outs or thinking steps.

**rosebud** · 30-09-2011, 12:23 PM

I prefer the idea of positive behaviour management and have a policy in place to say so, however I also use a "thinking step / chair / spot" for extreme behaviour. I only use it for instances such as a child hurting another child (deliberately) or breaking toys (also deliberately) because I believe that its not fair to the other children present to simply ignore this type of behaviour. I practice I have only ever used it for one mindee who went through a phase of deliberately hitting his cousin, (who I also looked after) he was 3 and clearly knew that he was hurting her, but I (and his parents) felt that there needed to be a simple and clear consequence for his behaviour. I agree with everyone else that my own children should be treated the same as mindees and vice versa, and that our own children push the boundaries far more than any of the mindees!!