Feeling Lonley :-(

**SamBaker** · 26-04-2011, 05:09 PM

Evening all,

Sorry to burden you all with this but havn't got anyone else to talk to that understands. I'm really finding this job lonley at the moment and not really enjoying it. I've been working since January and work has been good, but feel alone, my husband works away all week so I'm pretty much on my own other than my little Tiddlies, don't get me wrong most of them are fab bar one who I really feel stressed about.
I can't talk to my husband about how I feel as he has just been told his Mum has terminal cancer and hasn't got long, and friends seem to disappear when you walk full time.
I don't want to give it up I just wondered if anyone feels like this at times?

Thank you for reading xxxxx

**Mookins** · 26-04-2011, 05:16 PM

im very sorry to hear about your hubbys mother thats very sad...

I too feel like you sometimes, i live quite away from all of my friends and dont have anyone in the village i can pop in for coffee with

if the little one is stressing you out perhaps its time to end the contract...not always the best option to have but you cant keep feeling like this hun

do you go to any toddler groups? im not a fan of ***** but they have a section on there where you can meet new friends perhaps give that a go

i spend a lot of any spare time on facebook keeping up with my friends...its the only way i can

chin up hun you have all of us on here too

xxx

**handeme** · 26-04-2011, 05:18 PM

I sometimes feel the same and I have my hubby at home during the week.

I have gone from a busy office enviroment to being at home with the children all day.

The only thing that helps me when I am having a bad week is my local childminder drop in sessions, is there anything like that by you?

c x

**sandy64** · 26-04-2011, 05:18 PM

hi sounds like your run down and feeling low bless you, this job can be lonely do you no other c.ms? do you get to toddler/c.minding groups? its hard if you have no one 2 share things with im sure your d.h would want to listen to you i no hes having a bad time with his mum,
do you think its the lo getting you down? or everythink? it is hard starting out you no were here to listen and help its not the same, try and take some time out for yourself treat yourself to a pamper session or shopping i hope your ok hun sending you a big hug

**PixiePetal** · 26-04-2011, 05:19 PM

Don't feel lonely - there is always a 'virtual friend' on the forum for a sound off

Are there any local CM you could meet up with? Is there a group you can attend?

Where in the country are you? Are you near one of us lot?

It can be a lonely job but you are probably feeling worse as your husband is away. I registered when pregnant with first child (now almost 17!) but made sure I kept in touch with friends - we were mostly nannies in the same town, meeting for coffee at each others houses once a week so children could play together. Now most of them are registered too so we still meet.

We have a local CM group - with events organised to meet up.

hope things perk up soon x

**RachelE** · 26-04-2011, 05:20 PM

Do you go out to many groups?

It is hard, if you havent got anywhere to go to during the day.

Do you know any local minders? Maybe meet up with them or inviting them around?

When I've got nothing planned, I make the effort to even just go for walk around the block.

Sorry to hear about your mother in law, it must be a very difficult time.

I hope you feel less lonely soon.

Rachel x

**Twinkles** · 26-04-2011, 05:22 PM

I would go demented without my support group !

I work with DH but even so we go out every day and meet up with 3/4 other minders. We all spend the morning together. Walking , sometimes going to toddlers , sometimes staying out for picnics.

You need to get yourself out there. Go to toddler groups , go to childminders groups. Chat to other minders when you go on training courses.

Why not arrange a picnic for other minders who were registered at the same time as you ( your DO should have their details ). I bet you will find many of them in the same situation and glad of the company.

**SamBaker** · 26-04-2011, 05:38 PM

Thank you every one for your support, I am in Kent.
I have been to a cm group but to be honest i didnt really enjoy it because every knew each other iykwim, which i know is a terrible excuse but I am a bit shy and find it hard to mix anyway.There arn't any other minders really hence why I am busy, every cloud lol! I know I should try harder but I just feel flat at the moment.
Think i need a good kick up the bum and to get on with it.
Defently think your right might have to let one of the little ones go, shouldn't be having sleepless nights over a child that's not mine!

**Cammie Doodle** · 26-04-2011, 05:41 PM

Ah bless, sorry to hear your sad news. This can be a lonely old job, I'm lucky my friend and co minder lives next door, she keeps me sane . Forum always good to chat on as there is usually someone to talk to regardless or the time .

**The Juggler** · 27-04-2011, 06:18 AM

Originally Posted by SamBaker

Thank you every one for your support, I am in Kent.
I have been to a cm group but to be honest i didnt really enjoy it because every knew each other iykwim, which i know is a terrible excuse but I am a bit shy and find it hard to mix anyway.There arn't any other minders really hence why I am busy, every cloud lol! I know I should try harder but I just feel flat at the moment.
Think i need a good kick up the bum and to get on with it.
Defently think your right might have to let one of the little ones go, shouldn't be having sleepless nights over a child that's not mine!

oh hon it is hard. I had quite a good CM friend when i started out but still found it tough on the days I didn't see her - it's hard after being with other adults lots during the day (I left an office job too).

Can you ask your local EY team to put you in touch with one of their local minders they know might mentor you unofficially or to touch base with or perhaps you could offer to befriend a newly reg. minder or two. That way you could have small meet ups first then end up going to groups together and build a small circle of CM colleagues that way (and find a few friends along the way hopefully).

**Pauline** · 27-04-2011, 06:24 AM

Not really got anything to add to the great advice already given but just wanted to send you a virtual hug and let you know that we are all here for you and know what it is like.

With the spring here and summer on the way it is a good time to try to get out and about, even if you just go a walk around the block with the little ones it gets you out of the 4 walls and helps clear your head. It can be depressing being stuck in all day with children - the day can seem endless.

Do you have a Sure Start centre near you that you could join in with?

**SamBaker** · 27-04-2011, 06:29 AM

Thank you all for your support, feeling exhausted this morning and stressing because I have the difficult one today. I have come to a discision last night that I am going to give up minding Fridays but just keep my afterschoolies on. This means only having the little boy one day a week.
I am going to get through the bank holidays and then go and find a few groups to give a try, might go back to the one I went to before and see what it's like this time.
Thank you so much and I know where to come when it gets tough
xxxx

**loocyloo** · 27-04-2011, 03:05 PM

good luck.

the other thing is to go out with mindees to a garden centre, coffee shop, somewhere where they can potter around and you can pass the time of day with other adults! its not the same as being with friends, but sometimes its enough to see other adults!

i don't have any mindees currently as just moved, and my children are at school and i'm trying very hard to smile and say hello to people! i am sooooo shy, i find it VERY hard. but i know that for my sanity i need to meet people!

xxx

**Pauline** · 27-04-2011, 07:55 PM

Originally Posted by loocyloo

i don't have any mindees currently as just moved, and my children are at school and i'm trying very hard to smile and say hello to people! i am sooooo shy, i find it VERY hard. but i know that for my sanity i need to meet people!

xxx

It is so hard being shy, people often think you are aloof when really you are crying out for the confidence to be involved. I know, it used to be me, but I've improved a little with age.

Imagine we are holding your hands as an invisible boost of confidence.

**caz3007** · 27-04-2011, 08:13 PM

I get lonely sometimes too and dream of having someone to talk to. I do talk to lots of strangers though, old ladies at the bus stop, someone in the post office queue, just to have some adult conversation

I am probably known as that mad childminder to chats to anyone

But at the end of it all I am lonely and there arent any toddler groups that fit in with my days and hours

**loocyloo** · 27-04-2011, 08:18 PM

Originally Posted by Pauline

It is so hard being shy, people often think you are aloof when really you are crying out for the confidence to be involved. I know, it used to be me, but I've improved a little with age.

Imagine we are holding your hands as an invisible boost of confidence.

i have improved and when i have my childminding 'hat' on i can do anything!

**PixiePetal** · 27-04-2011, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by caz3007

I get lonely sometimes too and dream of having someone to talk to. I do talk to lots of strangers though, old ladies at the bus stop, someone in the post office queue, just to have some adult conversation

I am probably known as that mad childminder to chats to anyone

But at the end of it all I am lonely and there arent any toddler groups that fit in with my days and hours

I am not lonely but still chat to old folks on the bus etc. I am another mad childminder then

I sometimes think that I might be the only person they have chatted to in days so I feel I am doing my bit for their well being

SamBaker I hope your day went ok today

**Blaze** · 27-04-2011, 09:12 PM

Originally Posted by PixiePetal

I am not lonely but still chat to old folks on the bus etc. I am another mad childminder then

I sometimes think that I might be the only person they have chatted to in days so I feel I am doing my bit for their well being

SamBaker I hope your day went ok today

I do this too - for the same reason

I'm actually really worried about one old man - he lived a few streets away & was blind. He would often stick his head out the door (said he could hear me coming

...& that as I'm good with kids I must be kind

....& ask me the time, or to check his shoes matched or if I could set his radio, or if it was due to rain - so he knew to take his brolly with him...just bits & bobs (we did his shopping when it snowed & DH unfroze his pipes for him too one evening) - well he's gone!

I don't know if they moved him into a home (he used to get meals on wheels etc) or if he's passed, but I have no way of knowing & I feel sad.

**PixiePetal** · 27-04-2011, 09:23 PM

Originally Posted by Blaze

I do this too - for the same reason

I'm actually really worried about one old man - he lived a few streets away & was blind. He would often stick his head out the door (said he could hear me coming

...& that as I'm good with kids I must be kind

....& ask me the time, or to check his shoes matched or if I could set his radio, or if it was due to rain - so he knew to take his brolly with him...just bits & bobs (we did his shopping when it snowed & DH unfroze his pipes for him too one evening) - well he's gone!

I don't know if they moved him into a home (he used to get meals on wheels etc) or if he's passed, but I have no way of knowing & I feel sad.

one of my old neighbours (before we moved) used to wave at me with the children on our way to school and home again. DS used to walk on her low front wall and wait for his 'friend'. I did odd bits of shopping if I was going into town too.
We moved and a few months later I heard from other ex neighbours that she had a stroke

she never returned home but went to nursing home and later passed away. Her immediate neighbour went with me to her funeral and her daughter had heard about me and was pleased her mum had not been lonely although she lived alone.

That might be me one day and I like to think that people would treat me the same

**SamBaker** · 28-04-2011, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by loocyloo

good luck.

the other thing is to go out with mindees to a garden centre, coffee shop, somewhere where they can potter around and you can pass the time of day with other adults! its not the same as being with friends, but sometimes its enough to see other adults!

i don't have any mindees currently as just moved, and my children are at school and i'm trying very hard to smile and say hello to people! i am sooooo shy, i find it VERY hard. but i know that for my sanity i need to meet people!

xxx

I soooooooo understand how you feel!!!! sounds just like me!