Urgent help - disciplining own child

[kymberly]

Hi ladies,

I'm at my wits end with my own son, he is 3 years old and won't do a thing I say! I'm an experienced childcare worker (I was a senior nursery nurse for years) so it's not that I let him away with everything and he's just walking over me. But there is no punishment/sanction that he responds to. Time out doesn't work, he loves it , if I take him to his room he just wrecks it and is quite content doing so, if I threaten to withhold a treat or outing, he doesn't care.

I positively praise him when he behaves well, we do an activity such as swimming/park/play centre every day so it's not boredom.

I just can't seem to find a sanction that I can use to discipline him with (at my wits end and I'm embarassed to admit I even tried smacking him but he doesn't care).

I dread every day, he's becoming one of those kids everyone dreads

[Pipsqueak]

Isn't it always the way.. our own kids make us out to be incompetent fools and liars! You are not on your own.... think 99% of our kids do it to us.

The trick is to find something that really makes them tick... and there is always something that makes them tick and use it as leverage.

I know it going to sound like I am preaching (don't mean to) could your LO be acting up because they are jealous of you devoting your time to other LO's? Perhaps to him you don't spend the same time with him as you do others.
Lots of extra reassurance, snuggles, I love you's etc. However come down swift and heavy on what you need to.. mind you pick your battles - ignore what you can... tell him that you are disappointed in him and walk away, tell him that what he has done makes you so very sad and walk away....
bit of reverse physc.

its oh so easy to give advice and as an experienced childcarer you think you ought to be able to cope - however when its your own and you are in the middle of it sometimes you just cannot see the light.

He does care - very much but he has learned what rocks your boat. Again reverse physc- the bit where you can intervene and distract - swoop in with a hug and squeeze and say oh I love it that you are so special and wonderful/handsome/clever/funny - obviously you have to get the situation early enough but it might be enough to break a cycle between the two of you

I have ALWAYS said its should be Terrible Threes and not twos. At three they are more independant, they have more vocab, they are more savvy and can up the ante with frightening ease and manipulation..... on the other hand 3yr olds are clever, witty, interesting, and fun

not sure any of my witterings help though

[kymberly]

Thanks, good advice Pips, I know everyones own does play them up more than mindees (usually) but I'm just trying to find what makes him tick, I can't seem to find something that is a punishment that he will respond to.

Anyone any ideas? What do you ladies use if time out, removal of toys/activities or ignoring some of the bad behaviour doesn't work? Shouting, giving him lots of hugs and attention isn't working

[FussyElmo]

My ds used to laugh at me etc and it used to really wind me. However what I found upset him more than anything was still doing time out but putting him on my knee and facing him away from me. Then totally ignoring him and carrying on as normal what we were doing.

Consider rugby when they are benched/sinned binned whater you want to call it they still get to see the game but have to sit and watch it.

Beware I did get a few kickings etc before it worked.

[Mouse]

You say you threaten to withhold a treat or outing, but do you actually go through with it? If not, he'll know by now that it's an empty threat.

Have you tried a sticker chart? I was always sceptical, but they can work wonders.

I agree with what's already been said, it's about finding the thing that they do respond to. With one of my sons it was taking his socks off. He absolutely hated it, but if he was really playing up I would tell him to behave or I would take his socks off him - it really worked! I can't remember how it was we hit on that being something that would work, but that was the one sanction you could guarantee would get through to him.

I'd say keep doing what you're doing and above all be consistent. If you threaten something, make sure you go through with it. And keep up with praising him when he behaves well and ignoring what you can - pick your battles!