please advise me!!!

[curlycathy]

Sorry this is a long one!

I live in a village and apart from me there is one other cm who I am very good friends with. We work really closely together and she has been so supportive of me since I started minding 2 years ago. We even share some children e.g. one day they are at mine, one day at hers that sort of thing and it has worked out really well.

Come September I am having two siblings, p and a, who are due to attend Mondays and Fridays. They were supposed to be going to my friend for 2 days as well, so between us we covered 4 days. Mum works full time (teacher) but I think dad or grandma will have them on the one day we couldnt do.

But my friend is seriously ill. She's been ill for a while, doctors fobbed her off and then about a month ago she collapsed on her way home from holiday, ended up in hospital and has had to have an operation. Dont want to say too much about this as I will cry and am trying not to. She's been told she needs at least 6 weeks off to recover, but is really not sure whether she will go back to childminding, take a break (depending if she needs further treatment) or whether she will be raring to go.

Mum of the two siblings has asked if I could cover any extra days, initially she asked when we just thought my friend would be starting work again mid September. She knows that come Sept I am full but have Thursday free - even free for a couple of hours whilst my dd is at playgroup! I was so looking forward to having some time to do my paperwork and then enjoy some time with my own little one. My friends other mindees are also asking - one little boy I know really well from us working so closely together and he is same age as my dd and they do get on so if I was to work Thursdays I'd prefer to have him than the siblings - from the settling ins I can tell they are going to be hard work. But does the mum of the siblings take priority cos she asked first? And in all honesty I dont want to work Thursdays but would if it was only for a few weeks - if my friend recovers well and comes back to work.

Sorry this is a ramble but I really dont know what to do. Dont want people to think I'm not prepared to help out, but I really like having one day a week free. Last year it was a Friday I had off, and it also worked well in that I could offer extra care if needed. My dh says I should work the Thursdays for the money but this job is so exhausting I like having the day free to catch up and with mine at playgroup I could potentially be up to date with my paperwork!!!

What would you do??? Anyone? Please?????xx

[Carol M]

What a dilema you have!
Firstly, I do hope your CM friend is ok and is getting better.
I think you have to follow your first preference and do what you feel more comfortable with. Would you lose the siblings if you couldn't do extra? Would this matter to you? Have you been able to talk to your CM friend about it?
Whatever you decide, you can always change your mind if things go on for too long, as long as you make parents aware and give them the required notice , be honest to yourself too.
Good luck
Carol xx

[charlie potato]

i believe that from what i'm reading you really need to consider yourself and your family. If you feel you need this day off then you need to stick by your guns. Dont be pressured into it. Which area are you from? maybe theres cm from say the nxt village on here that may be able to help? xx

[The Juggler]

I hope your friend is ok hon. sending a hug. perhaps you could help out siblings mum just til she can find someone else. If you really don't want to work on Thursdays then this temp solution might be better option. Also if you have them you could 'pass them back' to your friend if she decides to carry on minding whereas someone else might not want to.

[maryp0ppins]

Firstly, I hope your friend feels better soon,

Secondly, Do what works best for YOU.....If you need that time on Thursdays to yourself then take them. Nothing worse than working with regret or working with your heart or head not in it.

Third, why not tell parent you will help out for the day she needs as long as she understands it's not Permanent. Mention you will mind her children until your friend is well enough or until your new contract starts with the other family......

[ChocolateChip]

Perhaps you could cover it temporarily to help out, but make sure they know it's temporary.
But if you want to keep the time off then don't feel guilty about it, you don't have to explain yourself to parents but just say you have other commitments at the moment. The last thing you and they would want is for you to be ill aswell because of taking on too much.
Hope your friend is better soon!

[curlycathy]

Thanks for your replies. My friend was re-admitted to hospital with an infection yesterday but actually looks loads better today - last seen waltzing down the corridor with her drip, trying to keep our sense of humour! We still dont know yet what the outcome will be so she obviously cant make a decision yet about childminding.

I think I'm going to try and protect my day off. My kids have been looking forward to me having a day where they dont have to share me. But I will offer to help out occasionally so if my friend is only going to be off for a few weeks then I might be able to help out.

Why do I feel so guilty about putting my own family first when the whole reason for being a childminder is to be around for them more???????????xxx

[Tina O]

really feel for you and your situation and sending prayer to you and your friend xx

All I can say is consider what everyone wants you to do but also consider yourself.... if you need the day off then take the time off, you will do your family and your mindees no good if you are stressed and worn out with over work.. While it is great to try and help and the situation is a horrible one, you do not have to solve everyones problems, do what you can and what you feel you can cope with, and the rest will be solved by the parents of the children needing care xx