Challenging behaviour when to call it a day?

[jellytots]

Hi All,
I'm in a bit of a situation where I really don't know what to do for the best so I'm really hoping I can get some advice please.
Basically I've recently started childminding and am struggling with a three year old who is constantly testing the boundaries and pretty much like one of the kids you see on Super Nanny.
It seems like he's used to doing exactly how he pleases and its a real power struggle. He's with me full time and I just feel completely drained. I have spoken to his parents and they do listen but you can tell they are reluctant to believe their angel would do any wrong.
Do I persevere or suggest he would be better suited in maybe a nursery environment which is where he originally was and apparently had no problems.

As it's the second day of half term he is driving my son insane with constant remarks about him being better than him and him being stupid etc.. And he is mean to my baby daughter.
I am addressing the bad behaviour and praising any improvements but I just don't know if I need to call it a day, please help me if any one has been in this position before??

Thanks xx

[LisaMcNally09]

Hiya,

If parents arent taking it seriously I think maybe you need to arrange a meeting outside minding hours...without the child there and explain how you need to work together. This may make them realise it is a real problem and there child isn't perfect.

As others have said on here before...not every child will fit into every situation and if he is still in the settling in period you do have the right to end the contract with no notice. What does your contract say?

hth

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I bet he wasn't 100% happy at nursery or they wouldn't have moved him

From a personal point of view if you have him full time you are in a stronger position that the parents to influence his behaviour

have you done an ABC Chart or Behaviour Chart to see what is triggering the bad behaviour? What is your strategy when he misbehaves?

[helenlc]

I have been there and done that. Same age and gender!! I also had him full time too and he went to a nursery before me.

Mum was ok and said she was doing time outs etc at home. But tbh I dont think she was!!

As I had him f/t I thought I would be able to really make a difference but it didnt really. He wore me down - he used to wind my DD up, run off at any opportunity, always said NO, would be violent in his tantrums (pinch, hit, scratch, kick, spit!!! ) and if we were indoors and the phone rang or someone came in, he would do everything he knew he want supposed to (jump on the sofa, touch my laptop etc) just to get attention.

At the time he was my only mindee so it used to confuse me how he had to be so attention seeking as he got all my attention - unless we were at drop in or toddler group and I might be chatting to others or my children were home from school etc. I didnt spoil him with attention either though - it was just that I had no other mindees.

I had him 10 mths in the end but had wanted to give notice from after about 6 but couldnt afford to. But then I got other mindees and his disruptive behaviour then got even worse and so I gave notice. I actually ended up terminating effective immediately after he slapped me round the face twice in 4 days!!

I have worked with children for 15 yrs and have never worked with one as challenging as him. I used to dread each day and started to dread going places because he was so predictably disruptive and attention seeking when we were out.

I would set yourself a time limit ie 2 weeks or a month and see if there is any improvement. If there is not, then I would give notice. I felt guilty and also felt like I had failed both this child and myself.

But the RELIEF when he was no longer here, I cannot put into words!!! The whole atmosphere in my house changed for the better. I had taken on 2 new younger mindees and yet my days were so much easier and enjoyable!!

Feel free to PM if you want any more advice. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[cuffleygirl]

You are self employed and if you do not want to put up with this behaviour then give notice. If you see changing his behaviour as a challenge then all well and good but if it is stressing you and your family then don't put up with it, as said by helen the relief will be immense!

Deal with the behaviour if you feel you can be consistent with mum, if not you are on a hiding to nothing - as has been previously said he probably came out of nursery because of behaviour issues if there were no problems why would parents move him?

[TammyN]

im in a similar situation at the moment but not with behaviour just really unsettled. lo 15mths has ben with me since 4 mths but since christmas has been really unsettled, screaming at everything, hitting and scratching he is becoming increasingly tiring and my family are bearing the brunt in the evenings as he's here 8-6 twice a week, has a variety of other people minding the rest of week poor soul, i am his only real structure but it's really hard. any ideas, i'd feel bad giving notice, feel i can't cope but what to do?

[jellytots]

Thank you all so much it's so reassuring getting your responses. I'd been a bit scared to post the thread in case you confirmed my worst fear that this is normal and all part of the job!
So thank you for all your supportive words they have all helped me massively.

Helen reading your post was like you knew what was happening here it's exactly the same! The whole attention thing, running off jumping on the sofa etc.. It's good to know that you've never had a child like it in the whole 15 years. As this boy is my first mindee it's put me in a bit of a spin of like you said Helen letting the boy and myself down and I already felt like I'd failed before I'd already really began so that's made me feel loads better!

I keep a diary of the boys day to day activities and behaviour so the parents are fully aware of the "moments" and it's every time there's someone new who he wants to act up in front of. The first time he met my afterschool girl when we picked her up he ran off and when we went to get him he spat at her. So that sort of thing. So really they should be expecting me to say something. Now I feel better armed with your advice I will keep monitoring and meet the parents. His nursery closed down by the way but if I didn't know that I'd think what the rest of you put.
Thanks again.

And Helen if you don't mind I may very well be in touch beings as history seems to be repeating itself!!