Friends calling round

**elaineg** · 10-03-2008, 03:05 PM

I have a really good friend, who I love to bits, weve been friends since school and she would do anything for anyone a really lovely person. but she keeps coming round in the mornings for a cup of coffee, where as Im the first to admit I love a cuppa and a natter I dont thinks its fair in the kids. She can turn up at 9.05 and stay until about 11.00, when she leaves for her job. Ive tried tactfully dropping hints and making a joke about it saying you cant come in Im working lol. but she dosnt take the hint, I cant give the kids my full attention and do with them what I have planned because she follows me around chatting in my ear all the time. Shes police checked because she works as a dinner lady in the local school, so I cant use that as an excuse, and I dont want to hurt her feelings, has anyone else had this problem where people think because you are at home your not really working so they can come and go as they please.

love Elaine XXXX

**avril** · 10-03-2008, 03:09 PM

My mother-in-law use to until every time I opened the door I had my coat on pretending to go out!!!

But she just use to come and sit in the house not even natter, just watch a total pain in rear end

Avril x

**ajs** · 10-03-2008, 03:09 PM

stop hinting just tell her you're not insured to have her on your premises.
true or not is irrelevant if you don't want her there.

or just say can we make it that yoiu only come on a monday (for example) and no other day and just plan to have her there every monday from now until eternity

**ma7ie** · 10-03-2008, 03:12 PM

I have a similar problem with my sister coming round at lunchtime to play with my dd. Can't make her understand that "IT'S LUNCHTIME" and the children just mess about, showing off and being silly with her, not eating. It's hard isn't it because you don't want to upset them.

I suppose we should just be firmer, but I'm too soft.

**Spangles** · 10-03-2008, 03:14 PM

I agree, try explaining to her that you love seeing her but you are really sorry but you are being paid to look after the children, it's your job, so you need to give them as much attention as you can and ask if you could cut it down to one or two mornings a week at most. Tell her you'll be gutted, etc so she doesn't feel bad!

I'm sure she will be fine about it as she sounds so lovely.

**Banana** · 10-03-2008, 03:15 PM

I'd use the insurance idea as a way to tell her.

its tricky but it must be driving you mad!

x

**deeb66** · 10-03-2008, 03:37 PM

ooohhh I agree you really are in a tricky situation there!

Good advice already given by the ladies......

I suppose what way you do it really depends on what sort of person she is!

Good luck.

Let us know how you got on.

**sarah707** · 10-03-2008, 03:50 PM

I used to know someone like that... I ended up solving it by encouraging her to get involved in the planned activities!

I bought her her own apron and used to involve her in painting, playdough, crayons etc with the children...

She was a great asset until she got a job!

**yummymummy** · 10-03-2008, 04:14 PM

What an excellent idea Sarah, I have the opposite problem, all my friends are either ladies that lunch who would rather fly to the moon than sit in my house with all the kids or just plain work full time!!!!!

**mel** · 10-03-2008, 04:16 PM

My sister sometimes does the same. She also brings her two boys so it ups the child count and isn't always the easiest situation.

Mel x

**wendywu** · 10-03-2008, 04:22 PM

You could always tell them that if Ofsted did a spot check you would be in trouble. Tell them you are supposed to be caring for the children not having a coffee morning. That you could loose your living.

**Rubybubbles** · 10-03-2008, 04:32 PM

I think your lucky to have some visit

!!

No I would say only once a week or something

**chubbymummy** · 10-03-2008, 05:17 PM

i had this problem with my mum

she used to come and take root in my house everyday!!!!!!

eventually i told her ofsted would not be happy with her coming all the time.....

she got the hump on but did stop coming

even now she still has hump on about it, at least i can work without worrying about her aswell.

**Chimps Childminding** · 10-03-2008, 07:22 PM

I have a similar problem with my in-laws! think because i am at home its ok to pop round whenever it suits THEM! never when their son (my hubby) or their 4 grandsons are at home!!! have tried telling hubby that they couldn't visit him at work but am too scared to tell them that!!!!

**deeb66** · 10-03-2008, 07:26 PM

I had a bit of a sticky situation when my MIL retired.

She told me that it was great as she could now come round a lot more during the week and we could go out shopping

I told her very firmly SORRY BUT I AM WORKING!!!!!!

**LittleMissSparkles** · 10-03-2008, 07:27 PM

Originally Posted by elaineg

I have a really good friend, who I love to bits, weve been friends since school and she would do anything for anyone a really lovely person. but she keeps coming round in the mornings for a cup of coffee, where as Im the first to admit I love a cuppa and a natter I dont thinks its fair in the kids. She can turn up at 9.05 and stay until about 11.00, when she leaves for her job. Ive tried tactfully dropping hints and making a joke about it saying you cant come in Im working lol. but she dosnt take the hint, I cant give the kids my full attention and do with them what I have planned because she follows me around chatting in my ear all the time. Shes police checked because she works as a dinner lady in the local school, so I cant use that as an excuse, and I dont want to hurt her feelings, has anyone else had this problem where people think because you are at home your not really working so they can come and go as they please.

love Elaine XXXX

its sooo hard isnt it ...

If i didnt know better id have thought id have wrote that post myself ... but my friend doesnt stay as long thankfully x

**peggy** · 10-03-2008, 08:54 PM

I think you should invite her in next time, but go about your business as usual - make yourself extra busy so your friend will see what your job entails, then in between doing what your doing just say to her, sorry I know I'm not chatting as much its just that I really feel bad, just over the last couple of weeks i've not been giving them my full attention as i've been too busy nagging and not doing what i'm paid to do!

With a bit of luck she'll see how busy you are make her excuses and go, then you could say, i tell you what? I'm a bit free-er xyz why dont we arrange to meet then?

Thats what I would do anyway!!!

**miffy** · 10-03-2008, 09:05 PM

Ooooh tricky I know what you mean I had the same problem with one of my parents years ago

I looked after her twin boys mon tues and weds and she lived just up the road from me

On Thurs my day off just as I got back from the school run she'd turn up on the doorstep

Much as I loved the kids and enjoyed her company I didn't want it on my day off every week

In the end I made excuses until she got the message

Miffy xx