Oh No what do i do......

**Doll123** · 25-03-2009, 01:23 PM

Hey all
need a bit of advice. Have been minding this little boy (3) for about 2 months now, the last couple of weeks have caught him asking my other mindee's if they want to sit on his 'willy' and asking them to play doctors and look at his bum as it's 'poorly'. I decided to leave it and hope it would pass but today.... one of my other mindee's said to him 'look, you're willy is up' and the little lad saying to her "i know if i lay down you can smell my bum and then you can lay down and i'll smell yours" and then to top it all off one of the little girl mindee's (who is an outside friend of the little boy) comes running out to the kitchen with no trousers or pull-up on saying "(child's name) has taking my clothes off.

Soo what next, do i do nothing and hope this passes, keep a record of it or just confront the child's parent???

Love Katie xx

**loocyloo** · 25-03-2009, 01:28 PM

oh my!

to be honest, i don't know exactly.

i would write it all down, date and sign it for today, and date what you can/if you can for the preceeding weeks.

personally i would then contact my development officer ( not naming names ) and ask for advice, which, i think it would be to contact social services for advice.

good luck.

xxx

~Chelle~ · 25-03-2009, 01:36 PM

I had this with a little boy that I used to look after. Actually caught him in the playroom with his trousers round his ankles humping the floor whilst the other 3 year old boy I looked after sat there with his trousers down, because the other one had told him to do it!!!

Confronted the mum straight away, who was horrified. He was told off by her and given a talking to.

I made of note of the date and time and what happened and also what I told mum.

Better to let mum know just in case it goes further and they actually start to touch each others bits. Imagine if the little girl went home and told her parents that XXXX had his willy out and told her to touch it!!!!

Good luck x

**haribo** · 25-03-2009, 01:38 PM

it does sound inappropriate for his age.i would write down what says and would also seek advice.

**huggableshelly** · 25-03-2009, 01:41 PM

I confronted parents outright

i cant go into details it shook me up big time

i terminated contracts imediatly after a 3rd incident.

someone somewhere has taught him what to do and say.

**sarah707** · 25-03-2009, 01:42 PM

Goodness!

I think you need urgent advice as well.

It might be a safeguarding issue or it might simply be something he has seen.

Boys do have an obsession with their bits...

It tends to pass when they hit about mid 50s I believe and most of them can't see them any more

**gegele** · 25-03-2009, 01:45 PM

oh my!!!!!!!!! i would definately record the behaviour. it might be as innocent as walking on his parents, founding wrong dvd...

but it need to be addressed as it's affecting other mindees.

i would talk to the parents,has he got older siblings? does he use a dvd video player at home alone? could he have found some "art work" he shouldn't have?.....

then you'll all have to explaine to him that we don't undress girl witout having been courting for a while and have her fathers permission to do so LOL

shouldn't be laughing....

**haribo** · 25-03-2009, 01:46 PM

hope youre ok, sounds like its been traumatic for you xx oops just mistook huggableshelleys post for update, thought it all happened quickly lol anyway hope it doesnt turn out as bad as that x

Pipsqueak · 25-03-2009, 02:12 PM

lots of good advice already given.

you need to follow your safeguarding procedures.

record it all down.
if you think you can approach parents about it - speak to them and note their responses. make it clear to them you have recorded the incident.

if you think you need to pass this on - get in touch with your local childrens safeguarding team. you can speak to them in confidence and get their advice. they will know what to do.
if you really feel that you can't do this at the moment - ring the NSPCC for some advice first.

like Sarah says, it could be innocent or not - boys seem have an obsession with their bits and bobs (along with everyone elses bits). It could be something an older child has told him, something he has seen etc or it may not be quite as innocent. Whatever is happening the behaviour is inappropriate at the very least.

Whatever it is you cannot leave this any longer - you need to tackle it, for the childs sake and the other children in your care.

**Daftbat** · 25-03-2009, 02:18 PM

I agree with everyone re making notes and taking advice from Safegaurding childrens board, talking to parent etc. I would also try just being matter of fact with the little boy and explaining what is correct behaviour and what is not. I know he is only 3 but you can make it simple. From my experience boys really do have a thing about their willy's (carries on really doesn't it???!!!!) and when they start to get erections it only heightens their interest. If things carry on then you may need to take it further but perhaps a direct approach will work first.

**Doll123** · 25-03-2009, 02:30 PM

Thanks for the advice guys!
i'm gunna make a note of what i've seen and heard, talk to the child without the misleading questions and later will try get hold of my surestart advisor and see what she suggests. Not looking forward to having to approach the childs mum, but have formed quite a good relationship with her so should be ok.

The little girl he has taken an interest too is very bright and will probably tell her mum. Do u think i should say something to her or wait and see if the little girl brings it up at home and then speak to her?

Thanks again
Katie xx

~Chelle~ · 25-03-2009, 02:35 PM

When it happened to me I informed the child who was involved mum and also told her that I would have to let the other parents know because of the nature of the incident.

**haribo** · 25-03-2009, 02:41 PM

i think you would have to record it as an incident you should tell the little girls mum probably , she will prob be upset and you will have to reassure her the children wont be left alone together . i dont know i think this is where you need some expert advice x

**donnadoo2004200** · 25-03-2009, 02:42 PM

I know this is definately not a laughing matter, but Sarah does make me laugh.
Welldone Sarah my first real laugh of the day. Thanks

Pipsqueak · 25-03-2009, 02:46 PM

Originally Posted by Doll123

Thanks for the advice guys!
i'm gunna make a note of what i've seen and heard, talk to the child without the misleading questions and later will try get hold of my surestart advisor and see what she suggests. Not looking forward to having to approach the childs mum, but have formed quite a good relationship with her so should be ok.

The little girl he has taken an interest too is very bright and will probably tell her mum. Do u think i should say something to her or wait and see if the little girl brings it up at home and then speak to her?

Thanks again
Katie xx

Yes I would tell the other parent but in quite broad terms and in a matter of fact way - children are curious etc. You cannot identify the other child involved (even if its just those two children you care for) or if her child identifys the other child you cannot confirm/deny. Just reassure the parent that you are dealing with it appropriately and everything is in hand and you are sorry that you cannot discuss it further.

I wouldn't leave it to speak to you EY advisor - you do need to take immediate advice tbh. I would leave a message for her to call you asap and if you havn't heard back from her within the hour or so then you need to speak to someone else. I know its not easy but you need professional advice quickly

**mandy moo** · 25-03-2009, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by Doll123

Thanks for the advice guys!
i'm gunna make a note of what i've seen and heard, talk to the child without the misleading questions and later will try get hold of my surestart advisor and see what she suggests. Not looking forward to having to approach the childs mum, but have formed quite a good relationship with her so should be ok.

The little girl he has taken an interest too is very bright and will probably tell her mum. Do u think i should say something to her or wait and see if the little girl brings it up at home and then speak to her?
Thanks again
Katie xx

I personally would tell her straight away (you need to safeguard your self too) I would wait for the child to say something to her parents, and make it clear you will be having a word with the parents about what has happened.

I also have a 5yr old mindee who is extremly bright and I tell the parents straight away if I think shes prehaps seen or heard anything untoward, wether its at school in the playground or at the park etc
It may be embarassing but its got to be done.

**DCMS** · 25-03-2009, 02:59 PM

I've a 3 year old grandson who's hand is often down his pants, when asked on one occasion if anything was wrong he said my willy is hard and obviously found it a bit uncomfortable. But I have never seen him have any interest in anyone elses bits or want to show anyone else his. Maybe this child has walked in on something and been told they were smelling each other bums! But it does all sound quite worrying and I would be seeking advice and probably speaking to little girls parent too just to cover myself. Good luck x

**Doll123** · 25-03-2009, 04:23 PM

oki, will ring advisor now. will keep you all posted.

Thanks again Katie xx

**Pedagog** · 25-03-2009, 05:46 PM

Did you manage to get hold of adviser.

**Ripeberry** · 25-03-2009, 06:00 PM

My eldest daughter's best friend is a boy from down the road and a couple of years ago when he was 5yrs old i found him with my youngest daughter who was only 2yrs old with her trousers and pull-ups around her ankles and bent over the bed with him behind her with his bits exposed.#
I was quite calm about it and told him that was not right and asked him to leave.
A few weeks later he tries it again but i'm onto him and also tell my daughters to shout if he tries this again and to not go anywhere with him by themselves.
Don't get me wrong he is otherwise a very nice boy but i think he is influenced by his older brother who are teenagers (he is one of 5 boys) and his mum is not very approachable.
Since then he has not tried anything as my daughters look out for each other and i keep a close watch on him.
But i think also that it is just something kids of a certain age do anyway.
We went on a school trip today and on the coach back to the school i was having a bit of a tickling game with my daughter aged 6yrs old and the girl opposite joined in and actually told me that her brother liked being tickled on his willy!
I did have a word with a child protection officer last year about the incident with my daughter's friend and she said all you can do is keep a note of it and keep an eye on it as its common place.
If they do anything like blowjobs (sorry tmi) then you have to get worried