9 year old keeps blaspheming(??!!)

**Nettynoo** · 11-09-2008, 11:04 PM

Help!!! I have a 9 year old girl before and after school and we seem to have a few issues that we don't know how to deal with or just ignore and hope it settles!!!! Firstly, she constantly says 'bum' whereas we say 'bottom' and also 'oh God' and we say 'oh gosh'. I have asked several times if she could try and remember to say our versions as I have a 5 year old and 2 year old daughter and I don't want them to start saying these words!!!!!
Secondly, she is incredibly tactile with my husband and he doesn't like it and doesn't know what to do except hide when she is here!!! One day he came down into the garden in his cycling clothes to get his bike as he rides to work and she wolf whistled at him!!!! (think thats a first for my hubby, not exactly got the physique for the lycra he insists on wearing!!!!)
Thirdly,her Mum keeps giving her so much junk in her lunch box and is now giving her extra to eat as a snack when she comes back to us after school as she doesn't like the fruit, crumpets etc I give her!!!! With my parent pack I gave her a 'healthy meals request' letter which she signed and agreed with, so only three weeks in she appears to have forgotten already!!!!! Lot to ask of you I know, but really don't know what to do and I don't want to end the contract as she is lovely and so is Mum!!!! Please help!!

**sarah707** · 12-09-2008, 06:42 AM

With the snack if you feel you want to follow a healthy eating ethos, you need to put her food in the cupboard and supply a list of things you will let her eat... or she goes without simple as that. She is old enough to understand, it's not like you're starving a toddler.

With taking the Lord's name in vain, it's a tough one but in my experience if those sort of comments are used at home, there's not a lot you can do, they are already ingrained. It's one of the downsides I'm afraid of having older children in your home. The eyfs states that the care of over 8s must not impact on your under 8s, so if you feel very strongly about it and she's not going to change what she says, the only option is probably to terminate.

With your husband, he's best hiding. Girls of that age can make up silly things, especially if they don't get their own way with snack or what they want to say or do. He needs to be very careful not to be on his own with her at any time and you need to document exactly what has been going on and every person's reactions just in case. Again if you are concerned the best option is to terminate - you cannot risk a safeguarding complaint.

Sorry you are having troubles... I would always say to put your family first. xx

**Twinkles** · 12-09-2008, 07:10 AM

I would have said exactly what Sarah has said especially about the 'issue' with your husband. You must take extra care not to leave him open to any accusations - as far as i'm concerned this would be the most important thing to deal with.

As for the rude words I would just explain to her again and keep correcting her each time it happens , sorry but it won't be easy to break her habits.

**wendywu** · 12-09-2008, 07:21 AM

I hate the word bum and never use it, it makes me cringe when other minders at toddlers say "come on i will change your bum"

As for the oh God although i am a christian this would not bother me so much. Unless she said it every other word which would become a bit tedious.

As for your husband, i would also have a word with her mother and also ask her to explain to her daughter this is not the way to act. Document this conversation and give the mother a copy and get her to sign to say she has received it. This way you have covered your back and DH lycra covered bum!

**miffy** · 12-09-2008, 08:17 AM

I agree with everyone else.

It is your home and you are entitled to decide what sort of language is used and how everyone behaves.

I'd have a word with mum but if you can't reach a happy medium over language and food then you may have to decide to end the contract. Definitely document the child's behaviour towards your husband and make sure he is never alone with her.

Miffy xx

**littletreasures** · 12-09-2008, 08:34 AM

My new mindee who is 8 kept saying "Oh God". I had a chat with her about saying it and that I don't want the little ones to start saying it.

This week she keeps saying stupid. I overheard my long term mindee say to her "You're not allowed to say stupid, Julie doesn't like us saying it" She has said it since. This had a greater effect on her than me saying it.

I would be very careful as Sarah says with regard to your husband.

**NikNak** · 12-09-2008, 08:39 AM

Oh dear that sounds stressful! Give it another couple of weeks and see how things develop. You will have a clearer idea of what kind of personality this child has and how she will impact on your family life. If in doubt terminate asap. The sort of behaviour and language she is using will only start to really bug you more and more as time goes on. I have a child that used inapropriate language and I just corrected her every time and gave her lots of praise when she spoke nicely. It did actually work in the end and she mostly speaks our language now! Good luck.x

**angeldelight** · 12-09-2008, 08:43 AM

I agree with everyone else

How long have you been having this 9 year old ?

If you havent been having her long it might take a few weeks for her to get used to your ground rules so give her a chance

Just keep giving her a gentle reminder if she says something you dont like

Good luck

Angel xx

**LisaH** · 12-09-2008, 07:11 PM

I have had a few over 8's in the past and they are fine really once they come round to your way of doing things.

Have to agree with the others tho about not leaving her alone with dh.

hope things work out for you

**Spangles** · 12-09-2008, 07:19 PM

Wow! I'd get right on your nerves then!

I am in the terrible habit of saying 'Oh God' - I try not to but it just comes out and it comes out more when I'm talking to someone I know is seriously religious! It's a nightmare!

I also say 'bum' sometimes, to me it's a quite cute reference. I say things like, 'Uh oh, have we got a stinky bum then?' and stuff like that!

Can't say I would wolf whistle at your husband in lycra though - my hubby wears cycling shorts too and it's not attractive - he usually wears normal shorts over the top though thank goodness!

I don't allow 'stupid', 'idiot' and 'snot' and loads of others that I can't think of right now!

I think I would just gently point it out - maybe as you can see she's about to say it make a joke of it like 'I know what you're going to saaaay!' I'm sure she'll get the idea.

Good luck - hope things improve.

**jellytot** · 12-09-2008, 08:42 PM

i think the 1 to be addressed is the issue with your DH.

i agree with evy1 else, also i would write everything down , as for snack she either eats what you supply or bring healthy or nothing, full stop.

good luck hope things get sorted soon

**Nicki L** · 12-09-2008, 08:49 PM

Originally Posted by Spangles

Wow! I'd get right on your nerves then!

I am in the terrible habit of saying 'Oh God' - I try not to but it just comes out and it comes out more when I'm talking to someone I know is seriously religious! It's a nightmare! - me too!!,

I also say 'bum' sometimes, to me it's a quite cute reference. I say things like, 'Uh oh, have we got a stinky bum then?' and stuff like that! - me too!!

Can't say I would wolf whistle at your husband in lycra though - my hubby wears cycling shorts too and it's not attractive - he usually wears normal shorts over the top though thank goodness! - my hubby bikes, but thankfully will not wear lycra!!

I don't allow 'stupid', 'idiot' and 'snot' and loads of others that I can't think of right now! - same here

I think I would just gently point it out - maybe as you can see she's about to say it make a joke of it like 'I know what you're going to saaaay!' I'm sure she'll get the idea.

Good luck - hope things improve.

Hope things improve hun, and i agree with the others about not leaving your DH alone with her. xx

**angeldelight** · 13-09-2008, 01:41 AM

Originally Posted by Spangles

Wow! I'd get right on your nerves then!

I am in the terrible habit of saying 'Oh God' - I try not to but it just comes out and it comes out more when I'm talking to someone I know is seriously religious! It's a nightmare!

I also say 'bum' sometimes, to me it's a quite cute reference. I say things like, 'Uh oh, have we got a stinky bum then?' and stuff like that!

Can't say I would wolf whistle at your husband in lycra though - my hubby wears cycling shorts too and it's not attractive - he usually wears normal shorts over the top though thank goodness!

I don't allow 'stupid', 'idiot' and 'snot' and loads of others that I can't think of right now!

I think I would just gently point it out - maybe as you can see she's about to say it make a joke of it like 'I know what you're going to saaaay!' I'm sure she'll get the idea.

Good luck - hope things improve.

I am the same Lorri but I dont mean anything by it

But I hate swearing and nasty words and will not allow it

Angel xx

**Tatia** · 13-09-2008, 07:16 AM

I totally understand that everyone feels differently about words. I just think it's funny because in the States, we use the term butt and I really hate it. So to us, bum (or bum bum as my sister calls it) is considered ever so polite and cutesy. Althugh my 4 yo DD says bottom and will often correct me if I say bum!

And my hubby is an avid cyclist who wears the full lycra kit. I'm afraid I've taught my DD to wolf whistle at him along with me (not purposely, she just copiedm e one day and we thought it was hilarious).

Now I'd be mortified to think she'd do it to anyone else but I'd only have myself to blame so maybe that's what happened here? This lg has picked up a silly habit and does not realize how it appears?

When any of my 8 and olders say/do somehting off, I simply tell them "that is not acceptable" or "appropriate" and tell them why it isn't (in a few words). They're old enough to know better and will quickly learn what they can/cannot get away with if you keep firm boundaries.

But I agree with everyone else about making written record of issues that make you feel uncomfortable. I have a lg who is 8 but has additional needs so mentally, she's much younger than that. She's very loving to everyone but prefers my husband above all else (and the husband of a minder friend of mine, as well, when we see them) and while he likes her quite a lot and is good to her, he is not comfoprtable with her trying to sit on his lap or kiss him. I had to discuss it with her mother and she was absolutely fine about it, very willing to be open and discuss it with me. Now my hubby will allow her to stand next to him so he can put his arm around her but would never allow her on his lap. He's also become firmer about simple asking her to step back a bit as she has a habit of pressing right up against him (no malice or intent, just she has limited realization of personal space).

Good luck!