End of tether!!

[smurfette]

Bit of advice here ladies please about what is reasonable to expect and what I should do. Currently minding three under two, which as you all Know is very hard work! Two of them are great, one I have had a year and one just started. Nap time is my problem with the third little one. I had him one day a week over summer and now three days a week, I have looked after both his older sisters and have had the same battles with them but I am now feeling I can't do it again! They all co sleep, be hop everyone is in different beds all night and usually wake up in a different bed than the one they woke up in and all breastfed to sleep. I got the girls to be good sleepers with me slept for two hours but this little one is very stubborn. Today he fell asleep in car but when I went to put him in buggy he lost it and has screamed for 25 minutes! He will now only sleep probably for 40 minutes and thinks that is enough to do Him all day ! (13 months!) but by mid afternoon he will be a nightmare but will be even harder to get to sleep And probably won't go off. So mid afternoon Til pick up at 515 is a disaster and I am trying to mind two other little ones and do homework and pick up for my own kids who won't get a look in. I am not out to criticise anyone's parenting but this 'system' doesn't work when the kids are in child care. Haven't been completely up front with mum about how he is because she can't bear to see them cry and always says don't tell Me just do what you have to do to get them into your schedule. I just feel my life would be easier if I didn't have him Or at least not at Nap Time! It is stressing me out and impacting on my whole family . I know I need a chat with mum but can I ask her to change her whole parenting style?! She said she puts Him in buggy to sleep too but I don't know if she still really does because he settled Easier in the beginning when she definitely was doing it than now

I had a big row with dh last night as he needs to travel away with work again next week, and I told him I couldn't cope. It is just too much some days , all the cleaning of the ****** house for parents on top of the actual childcare balancing everyone's needs and my own kids issues

[Mouse]

First of all, big hugs to you

I would ignore mum's protestations and tell her exactly how her child is in the day time. I'm sure she doesn't like to hear about her child being upset, but I'm also sure it makes it easier for her to ignore the issues if she doesn't talk about them. What's the worst she could do? Remove the child from your care...would that be such a bad thing?

You've looked after her other children so she is obviously happy with the care you provide. Maybe now it's her turn to accept some responsibility for her own children. She doesn't need to stop the co-sleeping, but she does need to help you get him into a better routine in the daytime. I would have a chat with her and tell her exactly what his sleeping is like in the daytime. It might upset her, but then she needs to face up to the reality. Tell her that it is so hard for her child as he is shattered, but can't settle himself to sleep. Say that you only want to do what's best for him and you're sure she wants the same (she can hardly say no to that!) Come up with a plan and tell her you'll have another chat in a couple of week's time to see how things are going. If there's no change you'll both have to consider what's the best thing for him as he clearly needs his sleep (always word it that you're doing it for the child). Giving her a deadline and making her see that this is an issue she can't ignore might just be enough to push her into action

[loocyloo]

Good advice from mouse.

I don't think i can add anything, but send a virtual hug.

I think i remember your struggles in the past with this family.

xxx

[smurfette]

Thanks guys, he is shattered
Now I have picked him up but as you say doesn't know how to go back to sleep Its nonsense ,
Just had hubby on phone saying just give notice think I will. daddy has just quit job so I am sure they don't want to be paying me anyway. It will be out of the blue but I just don't think I can cope anymore. Mum in law had a stroke last week and our middle daughter has harm OCD so we have had a rough few months.

[JCrakers]

Thanks guys, he is shattered
Now I have picked him up but as you say doesn't know how to go back to sleep Its nonsense ,
Just had hubby on phone saying just give notice think I will. daddy has just quit job so I am sure they don't want to be paying me anyway. It will be out of the blue but I just don't think I can cope anymore. Mum in law had a stroke last week and our middle daughter has harm OCD so we have had a rough few months.

Crikey, you have a lot on your plate...sometimes we just have to do what's best for us. You don't need any extra stress, hugs to you and don't feel bad about your decision.

[Kerry30]

I am having same problem with a 19mth old that i mind. Constantly shattered but just will not sleep. Lo also co sleeps with mum but not when at dads. I have tried alsorts. Mum doesnt seem to be bothered if lo doesnt sleep during day. Lo only sleeps if out walking in buggy but will wake up the instant i walk thru the front door even tho is still tired.
Its emotionally draining so i can see where your coming from. Lo is happy at mine and has been here for about 7 mths. I have no advice just that your not alone!!

[Mouse]

Thanks guys, he is shattered
Now I have picked him up but as you say doesn't know how to go back to sleep Its nonsense ,
Just had hubby on phone saying just give notice think I will. daddy has just quit job so I am sure they don't want to be paying me anyway. It will be out of the blue but I just don't think I can cope anymore. Mum in law had a stroke last week and our middle daughter has harm OCD so we have had a rough few months.

You definitely don't need the extra stress, so put yourself and your family first. If you can do without the money, give notice and get your work back to a manageable level xx

[smurfette]

Thanks guys , feel really bad about it but I think she will be shocked ,
I have as loocyloo said moaned about this family before. And have put up with a lot but generally we have a good working relationship. He wakes the others then.
Currently lying on the bed beside me playing too tired to sit up and play even

[Mouse]

I am having same problem with a 19mth old that i mind. Constantly shattered but just will not sleep. Lo also co sleeps with mum but not when at dads. I have tried alsorts. Mum doesnt seem to be bothered if lo doesnt sleep during day. Lo only sleeps if out walking in buggy but will wake up the instant i walk thru the front door even tho is still tired.
Its emotionally draining so i can see where your coming from. Lo is happy at mine and has been here for about 7 mths. I have no advice just that your not alone!!

I had a child like that. I used to put him in the buggy in front of the washing machine and put it on a long wash cycle! He would be asleep within minutes and awake as soon as the machine switched off, but at least I knew he would sleep as long as it was still on. After a while he would happily go to sleep without the machine on and went on to be a brilliant sleeper

I also use music to encourage them to sleep. This is one of my favourites at the moment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVDgVe1yGOg

I prop my Ipad up near them so they can watch the clouds, then move it away when they're asleep.

[Mouse]

Thanks guys , feel really bad about it but I think she will be shocked ,
I have as loocyloo said moaned about this family before. And have put up with a lot but generally we have a good working relationship. He wakes the others then.
Currently lying on the bed beside me playing too tired to sit up and play even

She will probably be shocked, but that's because she hasn't wanted to hear the truth about how difficult it has been!

[smurfette]

She will probably be shocked, but that's because she hasn't wanted to hear the truth about how difficult it has been!

True true !

[Kerry30]

I had a child like that. I used to put him in the buggy in front of the washing machine and put it on a long wash cycle! He would be asleep within minutes and awake as soon as the machine switched off, but at least I knew he would sleep as long as it was still on. After a while he would happily go to sleep without the machine on and went on to be a brilliant sleeper

I also use music to encourage them to sleep. This is one of my favourites at the moment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVDgVe1yGOg

I prop my Ipad up near them so they can watch the clouds, then move it away when they're asleep.

Tried the washing machine but that only worked once. Will try the music one tho. Thanks ☺

[smurfette]

Well that didn't go well! Sent this home in email diary


X struggled very much with sleep again today. He fell asleep in car on way home from silly Billy but as soon as I got him out woke up, took me 25 minutes to get him to sleep then he only slept for 25 minutes ! This is becoming very difficult I am afraid ., most of all for him because he is wrecked but can't seem to settle himself to sleep but also the others are being disturbed when they are sleeping or trying to get to sleep . I only want to do what's best for him and I know you want the same But If there's no change we'll have to consider what's the best thing for him as he clearly needs his sleep

(Thanks mouse for your phrasing!)

Of course not read by time she collected so told her straight I wouldn't be able to continue .. Excuse after excuse
Maybe he is not well. Still settling: missing his sister. No he is fine rest of time just sleep! She has gone home to think.. Don't know what I expect her to do. Hoping she will say nothing she can do and I can call it a day . Told her I was stressed with it

[bunyip]

No advice. Just thinking of you and sending hugs.

[Maza]

Well done for being honest with mum. Whatever the outcome, you would just get frustrated if you weren't honest with her. I think the kindest thing you can do for your baby is to teach/allow them to self soothe and go to sleep on their own if you are going to put them in childcare.

Let us know the outcome. Big hugs. x

[smurfette]

Well done for being honest with mum. Whatever the outcome, you would just get frustrated if you weren't honest with her. I think the kindest thing you can do for your baby is to teach/allow them to self soothe and go to sleep on their own if you are going to put them in childcare. Let us know the outcome. Big hugs. x

I agree completely wish people would realise

It's not going well.

[smurfette]

Had two emails after he went home,, one said e had cut a tooth (not the issue he is fine form except when tired) and one saying what time was I trying to put him down, how , any pattern etc., yes the pattern is your child doesn't sleep! I just felt then it was more excuses and fob offs so I ended up giving notice .

Told her I thought we had both done all we could and I couldn't go on it was too stressful , no point dragging it out and would finish up the week if she wished (this was my very first mum and we don't have a contract she wouldn't sign and return it) and as far as I know daddy is home so she isn't stuck, she works from home but only gets 6 hours a week done because she lost the full day in playschool for older one since she wasn't organised as usual so only does 930-1145 three days a week when they are all gone. Must do most of her work evenings and weekends

She wrote back said she was stunned she didn't realise there was a problem (so I ended up documenting all the times I had told
Her, And he had Been upset on pick up because wrecked etc) and could we talk about it, she is very stuck for work , and she will drop him off as normal just for a half day.. Don't know how that translates into wanting a chat as I will have three under two here!

So I said no, she can leave him no probs Til end of week but I had made up my mind,, there is no solution I have tried everything and he doesn't sleep at home so will never learn to sleep here. Feel disrespected and not listened to she is just hoping I will give in and I will listen to him cry not her! No reply from that. She sent last one to me at 11pm and I sent it back about midnight didn't see it Til then didn't think she would have Sent one so late. Don't know what's gonna happen this am, and didn't sleep well

To quote a famous site ... Am I being unreasonable?!!

[loocyloo]

Had two emails after he went home,, one said e had cut a tooth (not the issue he is fine form except when tired) and one saying what time was I trying to put him down, how , any pattern etc., yes the pattern is your child doesn't sleep! I just felt then it was more excuses and fob offs so I ended up giving notice .

Told her I thought we had both done all we could and I couldn't go on it was too stressful , no point dragging it out and would finish up the week if she wished (this was my very first mum and we don't have a contract she wouldn't sign and return it) and as far as I know daddy is home so she isn't stuck, she works from home but only gets 6 hours a week done because she lost the full day in playschool for older one since she wasn't organised as usual so only does 930-1145 three days a week when they are all gone. Must do most of her work evenings and weekends

She wrote back said she was stunned she didn't realise there was a problem (so I ended up documenting all the times I had told
Her, And he had Been upset on pick up because wrecked etc) and could we talk about it, she is very stuck for work , and she will drop him off as normal just for a half day.. Don't know how that translates into wanting a chat as I will have three under two here!

So I said no, she can leave him no probs Til end of week but I had made up my mind,, there is no solution I have tried everything and he doesn't sleep at home so will never learn to sleep here. Feel disrespected and not listened to she is just hoping I will give in and I will listen to him cry not her! No reply from that. She sent last one to me at 11pm and I sent it back about midnight didn't see it Til then didn't think she would have Sent one so late. Don't know what's gonna happen this am, and didn't sleep well

To quote a famous site ... Am I being unreasonable?!!

BIG HUGS Stay strong. xxx

[Mouse]

Oh dear

I don't think it was ever going to end well, mainly because mum didn't want to acknowledge that there was a problem. Maybe if she'd been willing to talk about it before now it could have been resolved much earlier.

I certainly don't think you're being unreasonable, but I can understand why mum is pushing for you to keep him - she's been happy with the care you give and has managed to ignore any issues up until now. I think you've done well to listen to her side of things, but it's come to the point where you have to be blunt - you're really sorry it has come to this, but you've made up your mind and there's no point talking about it as it won't make any difference. Will she please respect your decision and understand that this has been very hard for you and not something you have done without a lot of thought.

[JCrakers]

Hugs to you. A lot of people must think we are robots and are able to listen to the children crying and being in bad moods all day because of lack of sleep. We are only human.

I've been working with children since I left college at 19 and I'm now 40. About 5yrs ago I had to give notice to a family as a 8m old baby I was looking after for 40hrs a week cried all day (probably 8hrs out of the 10) I tried absolutely everything, she wouldn't eat, sleep, drink her milk, play, be held, she hated the house, the pushchair, the cot, she hated the other children, she hated the garden. No matter how much experience or confidence I had I just couldn't stop the crying and In the end, after 8 weeks of trying, I was nearly at the dr's. I think if I had carried on I would have either been on tablets for anxiety or I would have flipped and stormed out of something. It was the most stressful thing and everyone was affected. Me, DH, my children and all the mindees.

We are not robots who can deal with everything, people seem to think that if we work with children we should be able to cope with anything.

Be strong and stick with your decision. Its a harsh thing to say but you will find someone else who is easier and your life will be a whole lot better for it.