Baby isnt a people person

**Tinkerbell1979** · 10-01-2015, 08:46 PM

So, I've taken on a new 8m old, did lots of settling in sessions but she just cried and cried, started 8-4.30 on Tuesday (4 days a week Tues-Fri). Well to say it's not going well is an understatement! She doesn't want me to put her down but only wants me walking around, doesn't like the other children making any noise, doesn't like people looking at her, screams and screams and screams.

Finally get out of mum that she is carried ALOT and 'isn't a people person........great! Playgroup a nightmare, pre-paid music session a nightmare.......I'm stressed, need the money but feeling down, know it's only been 4 days, no need to reply just need to vent.

**VeggieSausage** · 10-01-2015, 08:59 PM

Poor you I have been there myself and its awful ..... be prepared she may take a LONG time to settle, if I was you I would

1. Keep looking for other people
2. Extend settling in period at beginning of contract so you have a get out if you carry on
3. Be honest with mum so it is not a shock if you do have to give notice
4. Get out of the house - this baby is unhappy at home and so are you and probably every other child in the house so put her in a buggy and get out and at least make it bearable. Sometimes this is the only time a crying baby is quiet and she may acclimatise herself to you in a less stressful environment....

Don't put yourself or the other children through a period where you get to breaking point, some children are not suited to childcare and if this goes on for weeks and weeks then it is only fair on that child that she is not under such stress......oh and you will be needing wine most evenings

**moggy** · 10-01-2015, 09:12 PM

If you want to persevere a good sling can make carrying easy. I use various slings for the under-1s and carry them as much as they need.

I like a woven wrap and also have a Patapum (all Google-able, also look up 'baby-wearing', if you are new to slings). A ring sling is good for putting on and off quickly.

I have had babies who have been pretty much carried since birth by mum (in a sling and in arms and co-sleeping) and they have settled in fine with a bit of time in my sling when they need some closeness and reassurance and then within weeks I realise we haven't need to use the sling at all and they are completely settled.

Of course, it is not guaranteed to work and maybe this baby is just not suited to childcare... but the fact she has been carried a lot is not a reason for her not to settle. At least using a sling gives you your hands free and takes the weight more evenly on your hips/back/shoulders (if it is a good sling).

It is early days, though. I hope things improve.

**lisbet** · 10-01-2015, 11:46 PM

I find a sling really useful for helping babies settle in too. You can pop them on your back and get on with serving lunch, interacting with the other children etc etc, whilst they feel comforted and can take in their surroundings. Once they've started to feel secure with you then they'll be off exploring. I find the Babyhawk Oh Snap really copes with the weight of even chunky LOs (feels completely different to carriers designed for small babies like the Babybjorn). Or the Hippychick hipseat is good if you have a new LO who wants to be up and down, or have a toddler who is feeling poorly and needing extra cuddles.

I hope things get easier v soon! xx

**bunyip** · 11-01-2015, 09:53 AM

I agree with previous posts.

Also, sympathy to you Tink - my first mindee had been carried around between birth and starting here.

I had a 11mo start last September who was similar. Mum came with her for settling visits and we pretty much had to throw her out of the house to let the lo be alone with us. Mum came back in floods of tears: she had never been separated before. And when I say never, I mean NEVER. Mum confessed she had a Bumbo-type thing in the bath and lo went in their whilst mum used the toilet/shower.

And another thing............. I'm not a 'people person' and nobody gives me cuddles.

**mumofone** · 11-01-2015, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by Tinkerbell1979

So, I've taken on a new 8m old, did lots of settling in sessions but she just cried and cried, started 8-4.30 on Tuesday (4 days a week Tues-Fri). Well to say it's not going well is an understatement! She doesn't want me to put her down but only wants me walking around, doesn't like the other children making any noise, doesn't like people looking at her, screams and screams and screams. Finally get out of mum that she is carried ALOT and 'isn't a people person........great! Playgroup a nightmare, pre-paid music session a nightmare.......I'm stressed, need the money but feeling down, know it's only been 4 days, no need to reply just need to vent.

Just coming from it from another angle, I was that mum with the baby that cried for the CM. My baby needed love and cuddles but instead was dragged around with the CM to whatever she wanted to do which wasn't in the interests of my baby. There was no quiet place for him to rest, she had no time patience or care to spend time with him and getting to know him. I had to withdraw him after a short time as it was clear she wasn't up to giving him what he needed. I feel for you but just saying how I was from "the other side".

**moggy** · 11-01-2015, 05:50 PM

Originally Posted by mumofone

Just coming from it from another angle, I was that mum with the baby that cried for the CM. My baby needed love and cuddles but instead was dragged around with the CM to whatever she wanted to do which wasn't in the interests of my baby. There was no quiet place for him to rest, she had no time patience or care to spend time with him and getting to know him. I had to withdraw him after a short time as it was clear she wasn't up to giving him what he needed. I feel for you but just saying how I was from "the other side".

That is so sad, and so fortunate that you were in a position to take action.

I love those weeks/months with a new little one when they are in the sling and we get lots cuddles and close time- you really do get to know them and they bond with you too, get used to your smell and voice and how you move and talk etc. Really important times.
I am fortunate, though, that they have all settled well and the crying has stopped and they have become happy and settled, happy to play by themselves and go down for naps easily.
To have one that doesn't, and long-term cries, must be very very stressful.

**Ripeberry** · 11-01-2015, 06:59 PM

Originally Posted by bunyip

I agree with previous posts.

Also, sympathy to you Tink - my first mindee had been carried around between birth and starting here.

I had a 11mo start last September who was similar. Mum came with her for settling visits and we pretty much had to throw her out of the house to let the lo be alone with us. Mum came back in floods of tears: she had never been separated before. And when I say never, I mean NEVER. Mum confessed she had a Bumbo-type thing in the bath and lo went in their whilst mum used the toilet/shower.

And another thing............. I'm not a 'people person' and nobody gives me cuddles.

Aww poor Bunyip