Is there anything else I can do before giving notice?

**Miss freckles** · 07-07-2014, 01:04 PM

I posted on here a few weeks ago about a baby who wasn't settling, well 5 weeks in and still no better!

The lo is 6 mths old and is always crying even if he's fed, changed etc still not happy unless he's constantly held then he stops but this is impossible with my other two 2 yr olds. Since e baby has been here I've not enjoyed my job at all (he comes everyday til lunchtime) I can only get him to have a max of 20 mins sleep but it's normally 10 and that after it takes me 20-30 mins to get him to sleep.

I think my two yr olds are missing out we hardly ever go out anymore because the baby will just moan and cry, I don't do no where near the amount of activities we used to do and I feel that the others are being compromised because I'm always seeing to the baby.

I extended his settling in period from 2 weeks to four and mum is willing to help by changing routines slightly at home and not picking him up as much, but the problem I have is I kind of know mum and she works with two of my other mums and If I was to give notice I don't want her bad mouthing me and ruining my reputation or putting a malicious complaint to Ofsted. Then money is also an issue as I've already had 2 children already leave due to mums finishing university. Also he is term time only which means in 2 weeks he will leave and have a 6 week break then in sept we will have to start from the start again, and I'm an inspection soon!

Is there anything else I can do before I have to give notice, talk about reducing hours maybe if he improves, I don't know I'm well and truly stuck at the moment. Help please

**littlebears1009** · 07-07-2014, 01:14 PM

I feel for you. Ive had 2 babies similar in age to yours in the last 10 months that scream constantly. First i had to give notice to as mum wasnt prepared to work with me just said didnt cry at home etc. The one I have now is only temp (mum wanted perm after I told her I wasnt renewing my ofsted reg at end of this month) however no way I would have him perm he is the same, screams whenever he isnt held (still breastfed at home), and theres nothig wrong as stops as soon as pick him up but same as you, my own dd's are left out. The EYFS framework states that caring for older children must not affect the care of younger children. In both my cases my older los have missed out considerably because of care of a baby and I am counting down the days (12 working ones) until I finish. I am the same, I have not enjoyed my job, impacted on home life etc. If you really can not go on then give notice. The other 2 mums should not judge you as their children are currently missing out and could you not put this as a reason in your notice in a strategic way? I hope you sort it out soon, plenty of cm's on here will know what your going through x

**QualityCare** · 07-07-2014, 01:55 PM

Can you have the 6 week break and have LO back afterwards until 1/2 term to see how it goes get mum to work on routine at home to fit around yours settling baby to sleep in pram or cot and other problems you have, you may find after the break that baby being a bit older may settle better. Could mum and baby visit 1 day each week for a coffee during the 6 weeks with mum staying so that baby sees you regularly with mum.

**Chatterbox Childcare** · 08-07-2014, 07:23 AM

I would talk to mum, explain that this isn't working. Could you carry on until the end of the term and then she will have time to search elsewhere.

Explain your reasons as you have on here and I am sure she will understand as she will want the best for her baby.

You have to look out for all the children in your care.

An alternative, is to have mum come over and stay in the holidays for short periods and see if you can help her with putting the baby down.

**hectors house** · 08-07-2014, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by Chatterbox Childcare

I would talk to mum, explain that this isn't working. Could you carry on until the end of the term and then she will have time to search elsewhere.

Explain your reasons as you have on here and I am sure she will understand as she will want the best for her baby.

You have to look out for all the children in your care.

An alternative, is to have mum come over and stay in the holidays for short periods and see if you can help her with putting the baby down.

I would keep going until the end of term, ask mum to let baby cry for a short while at home without always being picked up, baby is 6 months old so should be able to entertain themselves for a short time with a baby gym, or rattles or a crinkly space blanket.

I would tell the mum that if child is constantly being picked up they could have physical developmental delay - if never left on floor how can they practice sitting up, being on front to start crawling etc. I would continue to meet up with the mum and baby during the holidays either out at the park, at your house or even their home, maybe in September the baby will be more able to amuse themselves and be more interested in watching the other children play. I would tell the mum that the 4 week settling in period will start again in September.

**Becci26** · 08-07-2014, 08:10 AM

I feel you're pain, I had a child start similar with me, but I was fortunate in that he was one of my first so I could give him the time he needed.
I'm on the other side of it now and my baby is the one that's struggled to settle at nursery he has got there now though, do try and persevere if you can, it took my son a little while to settle and I didn't think he ever would but now is loving it.

Have you tried putting baby in a carrier? I know not everyone likes doing it but it can work wonders and over time start using it less and less.
Baby will feel happier and more secure, you'll have both hands free and be able to spend more time with the other children, win-win.

**Miss freckles** · 08-07-2014, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by hectors house

I would keep going until the end of term, ask mum to let baby cry for a short while at home without always being picked up, baby is 6 months old so should be able to entertain themselves for a short time with a baby gym, or rattles or a crinkly space blanket.

I would tell the mum that if child is constantly being picked up they could have physical developmental delay - if never left on floor how can they practice sitting up, being on front to start crawling etc. I would continue to meet up with the mum and baby during the holidays either out at the park, at your house or even their home, maybe in September the baby will be more able to amuse themselves and be more interested in watching the other children play. I would tell the mum that the 4 week settling in period will start again in September.

I like the idea of the settling in period starting again in September. how would I go about this though, am I able to do this? I get busier in sept and can't imagine what it will be like if he's even worse then!

Mum says she no longer picks him up at home and leaves him for a little while now I just really hope she sticks to it I the holidays and if she doesn't I like the idea of the settling in period again.

I'm overdue my inspection and am terrified the baby would cry all morning and I wouldn't be able to show anything.

**hectors house** · 08-07-2014, 11:29 AM

Originally Posted by Miss freckles

I like the idea of the settling in period starting again in September. how would I go about this though, am I able to do this? I get busier in sept and can't imagine what it will be like if he's even worse then!

Mum says she no longer picks him up at home and leaves him for a little while now I just really hope she sticks to it I the holidays and if she doesn't I like the idea of the settling in period again.

I'm overdue my inspection and am terrified the baby would cry all morning and I wouldn't be able to show anything.

Do you have this child every day, when I had my last inspection I asked the inspector not to come on a Tuesday or Thursday as I had a new little boy settling in who didn't like strangers - they understood and came a different day.

**Miss freckles** · 08-07-2014, 11:43 AM

Yes unfortunately this is a problem as he's with me everyday. Been really worrying about it as I can't tell mum to keep him off all week when that times comes.

**littlebears1009** · 08-07-2014, 11:50 AM

The idea of resettling again after the holidays is good. However again i would keep in touch, 6 weeks is a long time to forget at that age and you could be back to basics in sept. Plus will give you chance to see how long mum is leaving to cry before picking up etc. Also hopefully you wont be dreading lo coming back if youve seen him often in the holidays. Hope it works out well for you.

**VeggieSausage** · 08-07-2014, 01:20 PM

I would have a chat with mum and say that he does not seem to be settling and that over the next 3 weeks before the holidays you both need to work really closely together to make it work, otherwise sometimes some children are just not suited to childcare and find it just too stressful and it would not be fair on the little one. If in the next 3 weeks you make any progress then she will need to continue bringing the child part time in the summer to keep up contact, I agree go to their house and see what he is like there, if he is crying a lot there as well then you might not be onto a winner with this child.....so I think if no progress can be made then maybe this little one is just too little to cope with leaving his mum.....

**Anacrusis** · 10-07-2014, 07:47 PM

Hi Miss Freckles, did you hold him most of the time when he first came, or did you try to minimise the time you held him when he first started with you? I'm asking because I think babies need to feel secure before they feel safe on their own, so if you started out not holding him, that might be why it hasn't got any better. If you have been holding him, and still can't leave him (without crying) after 5 weeks, it's not abnormal but maybe you might want to give notice if keeping him so close while also having older ones to look after isn't working for you.

Maybe a sling could help?

**moggy** · 10-07-2014, 08:12 PM

Originally Posted by Anacrusis

Hi Miss Freckles, did you hold him most of the time when he first came, or did you try to minimise the time you held him when he first started with you? I'm asking because I think babies need to feel secure before they feel safe on their own, so if you started out not holding him, that might be why it hasn't got any better. If you have been holding him, and still can't leave him (without crying) after 5 weeks, it's not abnormal but maybe you might want to give notice if keeping him so close while also having older ones to look after isn't working for you.

Maybe a sling could help?

I agree- I often start babies in a sling for as long as they need indoors and out (I use various slings, search 'baby wearing' if you are in need of a decent sling), it can work wonders. Then one day I notice that they haven't been in the sling at all that day and they are then fine and don't need it again. It helps them feel really secure and gets that bonding process started.

I would not be with out a good sling! You can still get on with activities, go out, play with other children, do snack time etc , you have 2 hands free wearing a sling- I use a ring sling, a Patapum and a woven wrap, on my front, hip or back depending on the situation. They are a life saver!

**Becci26** · 10-07-2014, 09:28 PM

Originally Posted by moggy

I agree- I often start babies in a sling for as long as they need indoors and out (I use various slings, search 'baby wearing' if you are in need of a decent sling), it can work wonders. Then one day I notice that they haven't been in the sling at all that day and they are then fine and don't need it again. It helps them feel really secure and gets that bonding process started. I would not be with out a good sling! You can still get on with activities, go out, play with other children, do snack time etc , you have 2 hands free wearing a sling- I use a ring sling, a Patapum and a woven wrap, on my front, hip or back depending on the situation. They are a life saver!

Ooh moggy are you a fellow 'baby wearer'?!

I also agree (see my earlier post) that a sling of some sort will help. I wish I had used then sooner, it has worked wonders with my particularly unsettled ds