Biting

[jenhoughton]

Hiya,

I've had quite a traumatic day. I've got a 23 month old who bit another little one of a similar age a few months ago. The other little one is as fiery so I just but it down to an isolated incident. Today the 23 month old was sitting at the table drawing and a 13 month old playing on the floor with happy land people and a car. I'm putting together the train track and there was crying right behind me. I looked around and the 23 month old was on top of the 13th month old with her hands on her face and she bit her cheek quite severely. I was sickened to the stomach and it shook me up. I took the 23 month old home as I didn't feel comfortable with her in the setting whilst I was so shook up and also needed to deal with the 13 month old parent when she arrived. I just don't know what the next step is. I've never had to deal with a child biting like this. It's was awful. Any tips/ideas/advice??

[hectors house]

Does the "biter" have communication problems? Has anything happened to trigger this behaviour, trouble at home, have you had new children start - just asking as I had something similar when a new little girl started at my setting and an existing mindee really had his nose put out of joint, he did have some language delay and started sitting on the new little girl, pinning her to the floor, taking no notice if she screamed and then he would pinch or scratch her face. Ended up with the girls parents making a verbal complaint to me.

I had to watch BOTH children like a hawk as it did turn out when I did so that sometimes the girl did things to delibrately wind him up - something which her parents didn't like to hear! Ended up doing behaviour charts for both of them.

At least in my case I was able to try to explain to parents of new child that unlike an older child awaiting the birth of new baby, you can try to explain that to them in advance but the new little girl started immediately with no settling in period - bang - exactly the same days and hours as the little one I had looked after from 6 months old.

Good luck!

[charlottenash]

A mum was telling me today about children of that age not seeing other children as 'people' but as 'objects' like a toy, so they bite, get a reaction and then expect the same reaction next time and its sort of a game for them. Never heard that there before but it sort of made sense?

I know that doesn't help really, I hope you get some good advice soon xx

[jenhoughton]

Thank you ladies,

The child doesn't have any developmental problems or concerns. If anything she is very bright.

The child spends a lot of time in my setting and I thought that she could well see it as "home" so can be quite possessive over certain toys she also enjoys to play with.

I started her on a behaviour management plan and monitor her behaviour daily (all documented) what children were in the setting, times of any incidents, mood arriving at setting and also mood at home.

She's improved and although she does attempt to bite I've managed to stop her before anything happens. Each time it was over a toy/item. I can no longer nip to the loo or change another's nappy without running the risk of something happening.

On discussion with mum she's not entirely bothered that her child is hurting others in such a vicious way which makes me sad because I'd be mortified if it was my child. The victims mum is also angry at the fact that the other mum has made no attempt to apologise or acknowledge what her child has done was wrong. Nearly 4 weeks on the child is still bruised and marked which is very upsetting to both me and mum. The other mum doesn't care to be honest.

There are other contributing factors but I have decided on agreement with mum to terminate the biters contract with 4 weeks notice. I was shocked at her attitude regarding the whole situation and at least expected her support to work through it together but it was clear to see that I wasn't going to get it. I don't want to run the risk of loosing children in fear of them being bitten. It's so sad :-(

[AdeleMarie88]

I've just read this thread with real interest as I have a very similar situation, (or did have). I have had three boys, all friends, for over a year now, and one of the boys has always been a biter, even from 12months. He is now 2.5years, and will still do it if he thinks he can get away with it. He has no language barriers, developmental concerns, or anything happening at home, he is just vey aggressive.

Recently biting has progressed to smacking, pushing and throwing things. Two days ago we were at a local park and there were a lot of younger children around, I saw him watching this little girl, who had obviously just learnt to walk as she was still a little wobbly, and I thought he was just mesmerised as he isn't used to socialising with children of that age, as I went to help one of my other mindees, he ran up to this little girl and pushed her with so much might, she literally went flying, I was so mortified I actually cried and couldn't even look at him. As this was one of many incidents I told mom that I can no longer look after him and he is set to start nursery next week. Sadly I truly believe some children are aggressive, and I hope he will grow out of it, but I can no longer help him. Every incident I have reported to mom and dad over the past 18months have fallen on deaf ears. He smacks his mom and she simply says, please don't do that, there are no boundaries, and being just a small group of us, he is the big fish, and gets a lot of attention. I'm hoping he will quickly learn in nursery, as the staff will have other children to think of.

You have done the right thing asking them to leave, you can only do so much without parental support!

[Stapleton83]

Poor you think you have done the right thing terminating though you can't be in a position where you have no support from the parent as it is never going to improve.

Sam x