Urgent advice - behaviour, my own son

**pinkellifun** · 30-07-2013, 07:58 PM

My son is 6 and I've been minding for a year. He has never had any problem with me childminding and has said he loves having kids around, I know from experience that he's complained when I've told him we don't have any kids today.

I now have an issue that I don't know whether it is childminding related or not. His behaviour has drastically changed in the last few weeks. He's argumentative, he's hitting, he's screaming, he's shouting, he's throwing tantrums, he's ignorant.

But not all the time. I would say about 90% of the time, he is a lovely little boy, always remembering to say please and thank you, giving hugs, helping out, doing what I've asked. But this 10% is really starting to wear me out.

Does anyone have any ideas of how to approach this? I'm thinking it's possibly because he's not used to sharing me for the amount of time that he has to during the summer holidays. He usually only has to share me for 3 hours after school but now it's like 9-10 hours a day. I've tried talking reasonably to him, shouting back, stopping him from playing on the Wii/kindle/etc, taken toys away, giving him more attention. I'm completely at a loss as to how to react now.

I know I'm not the only one that has this issue I'm sure but I just need someone to say to me 'have you tried this?' or 'what about that?'.

A very worn out mummy.

**Bumble Beez** · 30-07-2013, 08:07 PM

I recently have had an issue with my eldest and his behaviour regarding minding...he just needed some reassurance that I still had time for him. I was (without realising it) saying 'I'm a bit busy' or 'yeah maybe later', 'let me do this first'...I found being more of a yes mum worked! Putting my sons first...without it affecting the mindees is how it works for me.
Sorry I haven't got anything else that could be helpful...but can sympathise with how wearing that kind of behaviour can be x

Sarah x

**loocyloo** · 30-07-2013, 08:26 PM

around the age of 6, boys get a testosterone burst .... and turn into vile creatures!

passes after a while! until they reach another testosterone boost age!

**christine e** · 30-07-2013, 08:30 PM

When my own were little I tried to have the first and last week of the school summer holidays with them - the first week we went away and the last week we just spent time together at home. I think it is very difficult for our own children having to share us with the other children so try not to be too hard on him and try to see things from his side

Wishing you the best of luck

Cx

**The Juggler** · 30-07-2013, 08:58 PM

Originally Posted by loocyloo

around the age of 6, boys get a testosterone burst .... and turn into vile creatures!

passes after a while! until they reach another testosterone boost age!

was going to say the same. have you read 'raising boys' by Steve Biddulph? they have a few stages of these boosts

i would also check there is nothing else. is he worried about new school class, changes etc?? new mindees he doesn't like?

**pinkellifun** · 30-07-2013, 09:14 PM

I recently have had an issue with my eldest and his behaviour regarding minding...he just needed some reassurance that I still had time for him. I was (without realising it) saying 'I'm a bit busy' or 'yeah maybe later', 'let me do this first'...I found being more of a yes mum worked! Putting my sons first...without it affecting the mindees is how it works for me.
Sorry I haven't got anything else that could be helpful...but can sympathise with how wearing that kind of behaviour can be x

Sarah x

Thinking about it, probably I've been doing the same. I will try to be a yes mum and see what happens.

was going to say the same. have you read 'raising boys' by Steve Biddulph? they have a few stages of these boosts

I had never heard of it but will read it now. Thanks

**MessybutHappy** · 30-07-2013, 09:38 PM

This is wrong of me, but I was pleased to open your post - I could have written it, and it's nice to know I'm not alone!!!

I'm finding that serious ignoring of all but the dangerous behaviour until he's calm, at which point I say, without looking at him (just while we're working or sitting alongside each other), "that's not acceptable", is working.

Also, lots of one on one time and, this may be the biggest positive - telling him its OK to be mad! This takes the wind out of his sails during the tantrum, but also validates his feelings. I've also found a couple of books in the library which he appreciated because it showed that his feelings were normal too.

It's soooo exhausting though! I never know when the next eruption will occur!

Having been in this zone for more than a few weeks, I can tell you that you'll begin to see peaks and troughs too, so when it's really, really, really bad, be thankful that in a couple of days you'll be thinking it may have got better. It doesn't, but at least you have a break! I'm hoping that one day soon I'll turn round and realise there hasn't been a explosion for a month! I was also very reassured by his teacher who said it's a. normal, b. a phase and c. not an indication of the man he'll grow up to be!

Big, huge, massive, hugs, you ain't alone!!

**kellib** · 30-07-2013, 10:33 PM

I've been through this with my own son, 6 was a horrendous age. 7 was much better with only a few outbursts every few months. Can't say for 8 as we're only 4 weeks into that but so far so good, the real test will be when he goes back to school in 2 weeks!

**Bumble Beez** · 31-07-2013, 05:36 AM

Originally Posted by The Juggler

was going to say the same. have you read 'raising boys' by Steve Biddulph? they have a few stages of these boosts

i would also check there is nothing else. is he worried about new school class, changes etc?? new mindees he doesn't like?

I've not read that but will now...thanks juggler

Sarah x

**Bumble Beez** · 31-07-2013, 05:41 AM

Oooh and just thought of another little saying that works well for me and my boys when dealing with their outbreaks of anger...
You are always responsible for your own actions, no matter how you feel...
Good to talk about different emotions and how to deal with them

Sarah x

**mrstom** · 31-07-2013, 06:50 AM

Originally Posted by loocyloo

around the age of 6, boys get a testosterone burst .... and turn into vile creatures!

passes after a while! until they reach another testosterone boost age!

Great! DS is 6 in September - something to look forward to!!

**mandy moo** · 31-07-2013, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by loocyloo

around the age of 6, boys get a testosterone burst .... and turn into vile creatures!

passes after a while! until they reach another testosterone boost age!

Was thinking the same..lol

However DS1 is almost 15 now and hes still a monster most of the time, it never passed, sorry.
However DS2 almost 12 has only just found his 'mouth' in the last year, but is nowhere near as bad as his brother, yet! (hopefully never)

**little chickee** · 31-07-2013, 08:57 AM

If you do think its related to the cm - esp during the hloidays maybe you could try involving him a bit more in the planning and organising.

Let him chose 1 activity per day for example so he feels he has some control.
He could help with things like setting the table and clearing the plates away, tidying up, helping lo's put their shoes on.

You could say he is your helper or employee - a small " wage" at the end of the day if he has been good. A small amount of money or stickers on a chart which add up to a reward at the end of the week.

Maybe he feels a loss of control and this might help to re balance.

**kellyskidz!** · 31-07-2013, 09:05 AM

Originally Posted by little chickee

If you do think its related to the cm - esp during the hloidays maybe you could try involving him a bit more in the planning and organising.

Let him chose 1 activity per day for example so he feels he has some control.
He could help with things like setting the table and clearing the plates away, tidying up, helping lo's put their shoes on.

You could say he is your helper or employee - a small " wage" at the end of the day if he has been good. A small amount of money or stickers on a chart which add up to a reward at the end of the week.

Maybe he feels a loss of control and this might help to re balance.

This is a good idea as these outbursts might be a sign of him feeling too old for mindee kids but obviously too young to go out and do his own thing
So saying right could you be my helper today and I will PAY you like mum and dad get paid for work should at least catch his attention and with good tricks could hold it for the day
Let him feel proud of his achievements and telling him at the end of the day what a help he's been should make him feel proud too.
I usually ignore my dds outbursts but she is younger than your son
They pick their moments as well to have them and show you up, hopefully it's a phase that will pass xxx