strange parent!!

**georgeypie07** · 04-03-2013, 11:35 PM

one of my lo's mums has recently finished work and is now on maternity leave (im having the lo the same days and times) but she has started tagging along with me (and her child) on days out, for example i go to a weekly toddler group and she asked if she could start meeting us there, i went to the woods last week and she asked to meet me there! i wouldnt mind but it confuses her child that hes with me as normal then mummy will turn up for a bit then go again!!
also i wouldnt mind but, how can i put it....... we dont really get on that well, shes not the most friendly person ive ever met and shes always making little comments about how i do things.
help i dont know what to do or what to say to her. i dont know if shes lonely or bored but its really messing up my days!!
any advice?!

**blue bear** · 05-03-2013, 01:03 AM

I'm really sorry but ofsted blah blah blah,safe guarding mumble mumble mumble is always a good get out Claus for parents wanting to tag along.
Other wise tell her straight, you are a childminder not a parent minder that coasts x per hour. Or I'm really sorry buts it's really confusing little johnny and I don't think it's working, I need to think about all the children and having another adult along changes the dynamics of the group.

**MessybutHappy** · 05-03-2013, 06:50 AM

You could remind her that while she's around she has responsibility fir her child so she is effectively paying for nothing? Do you know why she is doing this? Is she lonely?

**Cpgp** · 05-03-2013, 08:38 AM

I often have parents asking for grandparents visiting from other countries to tag along. I wish I could say I'm not a grandparents minder but if they really need me to babysit them I can charge says for the job. I end up saying that 1- grandparents are not allowed into my place because it will change the dynamics and all the attention I will have to give them will be taken away from the children and 2- if they come to outside activities they have to be responsible for everything regarding the child including pushing the buggy and dealing with bad behaviour+taking the child back with them when they decide to leave. Works a treat.

**vikiwizz** · 05-03-2013, 08:52 AM

Could you say it's upsetting the other children as their mum is not there as well, so it's proberly not a good idea if she comes along?
Or go down the insurance route or say she has not got a CRB so can't stay? The other parents don't like a 'stranger' being with their children?

**hectors house** · 05-03-2013, 09:17 AM

Could you maybe meet up with her at toddler groups on the days that she has her child - maybe she is lonely and bored, maybe hasn't got any friends with young children because she has been working til now and maybe she doesn't have the confidence to go to groups on her own. But I would make it on your terms and discourage her from being with you when you are supposed to be looking after the child.

**pipandbaz** · 05-03-2013, 09:30 AM

I would stick with its not fair on other mindees x x

**kellyskidz!** · 05-03-2013, 09:30 AM

She might just be lonely or be an anxious parent, but if it is bothering you (and it would bother me) I'd say she's not crb checked, it's upsetting to the other kids and confusing her own child. She probably wouldn't be pleased with another child's random parent around her own child while they're in your care. Good luck!

**Mouse** · 05-03-2013, 09:46 AM

I have a mum hinting at a similar thing at the moment.

I have her child two days a week when she works, then one day a week when she doesn't. She keeps hinting that on the day she doesn't work she would love to stay for the day & see her child mixing with the other children! She hangs round for a while as it is, but I think she'd stop all day if I didn't guide her out the door. She hasn't asked outright yet if she can stop for the day, but I'd have to say no if she did (though I'm not sure quite how I'd say it!) She's said herself that she doesn't have many friends & is socially awkward! She's a very need mum, always asking me advice on her daughter, and I think she thinks I'm the answer to everything!

With your mum I think I would tell her it's confusing for your son & other mindees to have her tagging along and that it blurs the lines between who is legally responsible for her child while he is with you (mention insurance not covering you etc).

Either that or don't tell her where you're going for the day!

**Koala** · 05-03-2013, 10:44 AM

As others say it's not a good idea mum stays for soooo many reasons......

I had a parents over spending time at settling in sessions and I had to step in when she told another child not to do something because her daughter wanted to.

It sounds like trouble could brew...

**mummyMia** · 05-03-2013, 11:37 AM

That would drive me insane!!! I wouldn't mind if a mum wanted to tag along once to a group if they were nervous about going on their own but I wouldn't want it to be a regular thing. I would find it really hard to care for a child with mum constantly watching over me. Definitely say no as soon as possible because the longer you leave it the harder it will be to have that chat.