Man if it wasnt for parents this job would be so much easier!

**smurfette** · 19-02-2013, 09:13 AM

Well that was fun!!

Have a 9 year old tto but mum wants it all ways because she is a lecturer in a college so wants me to have him if he is off and she isn't. As far as I know we agreed midterm breaks but she now wants Easter and apparently his school are off for a whole week in June! My girls aren't off and it would interrupt the babies routine of toddler groups etc plus I just had him for the two days midterm and he was a pain in the bum! Dh took one day off and took him and my girls to the national museum and he was fed up after half an hour and the next day I made a picnic and took them to the zoo with one little one .. We still went even though the other little one puked in the car just before we left and we had to wait for him to be collected. He told me he wanted to go to his granny's because he could play his playstation! That is all he does at home and as a result he doesn't know what to do at mine, he is ok during the week as he has homework and something to eat and then he is gone, but 5-8 hours all day all week?!!! I was so cross on Friday because he was so ungrateful and even said he didn't say thank you cos he couldn't be bothered! I thought that might be the way to handle him in hols as he won't do any activities I set out for him, but if he is only going to whinge when out, well the money just isn't worth it.. Ruined the day for my poor girls who were delighted with their trips out. Anyways I text her last night and said I wouldn't be available at Easter as we may be away and I can't manage him, my girls and babies (didnt go into details maybe I should have!) or in June and gave her the number of someone who may be able to help and I got a huge rant back which was quite rude. There is nothing in the contract about those hours and she has five weeks notice. Anyways she threatened me with 'enforcing the contract' (whatever that might mean, I haven't broken anything and we don't have the same legal ties to them as you do, most minders here don't use them and if they do its more for the agreement to be in writing to refer back to) and is pulling him out on Friday (so she isn't giving me four weeks notice and it is her breaking the contract! ) To be honest he was taken on when my friend was co minding with me, and I have struggled on my own to facilitate them still. I am happy to see him go especially after her abuse yesterday (you may remember I was on about him last mid term because he was pushing and pushing to watch 18s videos and talking about his 18s computer games in great details and I was struggling to contain this) Feel sorry for him really, he told me yesterday he doesn't know how to entertain himself cos his mum doesn't go anywhere with him or do anything with him, and this seems to be true , se is caught up in working and doing a phd, and told me in front of him she hated being a parent and she was halfway through raising him thank goodness! Poor kid Dreading her picking up today think I will just send him out to her, she normally comes in and chats. Nice as pie as long as you give her what she wants and a bully if not.

**QualityCare** · 19-02-2013, 09:27 AM

Is she pulling him out for good on Friday if she is l would just cut my losses and say nothing about the notice, if its just for the day l would want payment. Can you not say to her that you cannnot have him during the holidays as he is too old for your setting and the resources you have available, are there any holiday clubs at schools or sports centres he could go to. If your willing to carry on with the after school care tell her so, it does sound as if the poor lad is an inconvenience for her and ha knows it.

**Koala** · 19-02-2013, 09:30 AM

I wouldn't be happy being threatened to do something I didn't want to - She is bullying you like you say.

Give her notice, say goodbye and be happy again.

9 is a very tricky age and can be the wrong mix in your setting it would be in mine. Suggest out of school clubs, they are geared better to older children's needs in my opinion.

Don't let things get you down,

rudeness, disrespect and bullying

should not be tolerated from either children or adults and especially in your own home.

Good luck and I am sure you will feel better letting go. I have been there, it is best to let go if it doesn't work, You won't look back.

**nipper** · 19-02-2013, 09:37 AM

Feel for you. I hate it when parents show their true colours.
Poor little fella too. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have children.

**SammySplodger** · 19-02-2013, 09:56 AM

I have been fortunate so far and only had one set of parents in 11 who treated me like their 'servant'. Everyone else has been lovely, reasonable, respectful and valued my work in keeping their children safe and happy.

But the moment someone treats me like this (demanding things not in the contract and bullying me if I said no) then it is time to say 'No' and 'Goodbye'. I wouldn't tolerate it.

Could you get info about local holiday clubs for her and explain that you think these might be more appropriate? But, really, you don't even owe her that. But it might make you feel a bit better about him, poor lad :-(

**Ripeberry** · 19-02-2013, 10:44 AM

Working in partnership has broken down, so get rid! But poor kid having to be second best to her career

**smurfette** · 19-02-2013, 11:46 AM

Thanks all.. Yes she is taking him out altogether on Friday and I am happy enough to cut my losses, she had cut and cut his hours anyway so it's not worth the hassle! Dh thought she was calling my bluff but I just said 'that's fine' in reply to her saying it!

Just nervous about later , dd has a friend to play and I don't want any hassle in front of children

**mazza58** · 19-02-2013, 01:05 PM

Think your life will be easier without him. I think if she does say anything when she picks him up, I would nicely say I have not got the time to talk about it at as i have other children here and i think you said it all last night, and so friday will be your sons last day with me. Dont let her bully you and not give you the respect that you deserve.

**smurfette** · 19-02-2013, 04:42 PM

Thanks Mazza your response gave me strength! Anyways.. She didnt get out of car and just beeped and he was hanging out the window some time after that so must have been told to watch for her.

Anyways now it turns out he will be going from next week to my 'friend' the one I co minded with and was lazy and didnt want to actually do the work and I ended up doing it all. So, she is sorted, probably since before she gave me grief last night (texts were some time apart) and there really was no reason to be ignoring me today! She only lives up the road! Suppose they are having a good ***** about me grrrrr

**mama2three** · 19-02-2013, 04:45 PM

Originally Posted by murphf

Thanks Mazza your response gave me strength! Anyways.. She didnt get out of car and just beeped and he was hanging out the window some time after that so must have been told to watch for her.

Anyways now it turns out he will be going from next week to my 'friend' the one I co minded with and was lazy and didnt want to actually do the work and I ended up doing it all. So, she is sorted, probably since before she gave me grief last night (texts were some time apart) and there really was no reason to be ignoring me today! She only lives up the road! Suppose they are having a good ***** about me grrrrr

Sounds like theyre welcome to each other!

**bunyip** · 19-02-2013, 05:16 PM

IMHO you're well shot of that family.

IIWY my only dilemma would be whether to accept the short notice she's given to end the contract (but keep the fees which I always get in advance) OR issue immediate notice to her if she had truly been abusive as I understand the word.

Mind you, she'd probably have already slung her hook with me. By now I'd have already contacted the local safeguarding body to announce that he watches 18-rated movies and games, and his mum can't wait to finish raising him. Shocker.

You have the patience of a saint.

**smurfette** · 19-02-2013, 05:23 PM

Aw thanks bunyip! Thats an evil idea herr herr herr!! But I like it!! She had only paid Til end of week I just take week in advance (but have got deposits for more recent clients) so happy to let her go its only 50 quid a week (which of course is a lot of money but not as if he is full time) definitely not worth the hassle can't wait to be finished and have better time with my girls and the little ones, they are fab with them and there was a lot like play dates that I reduced because he was here that we can get back to.

My 'friend' has shown her true colours, if that had been me I would have called her and let her know and asked if she minded or if i was stepping on her toes.

Thanks y'all,, I really don't know where we would be without each others support in situations that most other people wouldn't understand! Hugs and I am grateful xx

**merry** · 19-02-2013, 05:56 PM

Originally Posted by murphf

Thanks Mazza your response gave me strength! Anyways.. She didnt get out of car and just beeped and he was hanging out the window some time after that so must have been told to watch for her.

Anyways now it turns out he will be going from next week to my 'friend' the one I co minded with and was lazy and didnt want to actually do the work and I ended up doing it all. So, she is sorted, probably since before she gave me grief last night (texts were some time apart) and there really was no reason to be ignoring me today! She only lives up the road! Suppose they are having a good ***** about me grrrrr

Sounds like they deserve each other, but poor child

**blue bear** · 19-02-2013, 09:36 PM

Well done you, you stuck it out and remained proffessional when most if us would have showed her the door. Count down the hours and celebrate Friday night, it's a fabulous feeling when a hassle a lot parent finally leaves.