1 yr old with temper and attention problems

**Daftbat** · 24-01-2013, 06:54 AM

Hi everyone,

I have a problem which I would really appreciate some help with.

I have a 12 month old mindee who I have cared for sing Oct last year. When I first had him I was amazed that his temper was so bad and had never experienced such teemper in a baby. We had problems getting him to take solid food - he has no food allergies etc but he just seemed to want to be in control and meal times were a real battle - refusing to open mouth etc, all things I have seen before and we actually got it all sorted and I won that particular battle!

However, as the months have gone on his behaviour has become terrible and any time my attention is not 100% focused upon him he started to cry and really winds himself up. It stops the minute he gets the attention and I have of course gone down the route of trying to ignore the crying but it isn't working at all. It's now got to the stage that it upsets the six month old that I have now taken on and then I end up with both of them screaming at me.

I got so upset by it all yesterday that I spoke to mum and basically gave notice but I would really like to try and sort out the problem as I have known the family for years and already look after their 8 year old who is, and always has been, brilliant. They are all like part of my own family and it broke my heart last night to have to consider not caring for them any more.

Mum and I have spoken in the past about the problem and I had thought that it may be the case that someone was giving in to him at home but having spoken last night I think the problem is only really apparent when there are other children around and so Mum doesn't really have much of a problem with him. He stayed with an aunt and cousins were there and from what mum said the aunt may have experienced exactly what is happening with me.

Please, if anyone has any suggestions or signposting that they could give me then I would be so grateful.

**RuthJ** · 24-01-2013, 07:43 AM

How is he when you do a group activity e.g reading a book together, jigsaw puzzles? Just wondering if you can do some quiet activities that involve all the children he may be better (you may have tried this already).

I have one that sometimes behaves like this when I have other children although she's a bit older now (18mnths) but she can still be very demanding. I have found that if i get down on the floor and join in with the play then she is better. She'll 'growl' if another child comes and sits on my knee, but if I encourage her to sit on my other knee she seems be OK with that. I also found that the toddler groups helped but she spent the early days stuck to my knee. She's happy to go and play now but I have to watch her as she tends to hit if another child comes close to her.

Not sure if that's any help at all. I do feel for you, especially with having a younger one to care for too.

**sarah707** · 24-01-2013, 07:46 AM

Ask mum if you can do a home visit to see him in his normal surroundings - it will give you an insight into what he is really like there!!

I hope it resolves quickly for you x

**Daftbat** · 24-01-2013, 08:04 AM

Thanks Ruth,
I regularly play on the floor with all the children but this little one yesterday, despite all attempts, didn't shut up crying until he was the only one on my knee - then he just quietens immediately and it feels like he has just got his own way. I try to distract him but this doesn't have any effect and in the meantime the other baby is getting upset. It all reduced me to tears yesterday by 9.30! and my husband is getting very concerned and I just don't enjoy my job on days when the little boy is around and almost dread waking up. I have had loads of children over the years and many with separation anxiety, problems settling in etc but have managed to resolve them all within a few weeks. This is making be doubt my own abilities despite having done this job for 13 years now. I really think the only thing which will keep me sane is to say goodbye although it hurts to see mum get so upset.

**sarah707** · 24-01-2013, 10:13 AM

If you have a moment read this -

acknowledging feelings | hakea

It might not work for you - but it may give you some ideas to try

**Daftbat** · 24-01-2013, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by sarah707

If you have a moment read this -

acknowledging feelings | hakea

It might not work for you - but it may give you some ideas to try

Hi Sarah, Thanks for that - I have read through the article but I don't really see it working too well since the underlying problem is jealousy of my attention with other children. I do, as part of my normal practice, constantly engage with al the children in my prescence, talking even if they wouldn't understand me even to the point of saying what I am going to do as I move around the house. When I am faced with a child who is absolutely distraught even when I am sat next to him on the floor I have to wonder if I really can be of any help. I give reassurances, hold hands, try to distract - all to no avail.

My thinking at the moment is that the notice should stand and that perhaps a trial in a nursery where there are more than one adult at a time who can work together to share the load coupled with just having children his own age around him rather than coping with school runs etc would be a better fit - at least for the short term.

**Daftbat** · 24-01-2013, 01:41 PM

Just wanted to add Sarah that I really do appreciate you finding that article out - it has some salient points which could work very well with older children and will bear them in mind for the future.

Thanks again.

**LauraS** · 24-01-2013, 01:52 PM

It's a shame that maternity leave is 9-12 months these days. It seems to me that a lot of babies who would have been fine being.left at six months are now struggling when left at 9-12m as it is a time if feeling insecure and wobbly for many.

I don't agree that a nursery would be better and wouldn't recommend that avenue to mum if possible - in my experience there is less time.to dedicate to the children in a nursery and children can often be 'labelled' as needy and ignored and resented. Obviously not all nurseries, but the ones I have experienced.

I think it's something he will grow.out of in the months to come if allowed to work it through (by being allowed to be close as much as is possible) but it sounds like that isn't an option for the other children in your care and for your sanity? Perhaps another cm with a different number/mix of children would suit.him better?

**sarah707** · 24-01-2013, 06:01 PM

Originally Posted by Daftbat

Just wanted to add Sarah that I really do appreciate you finding that article out - it has some salient points which could work very well with older children and will bear them in mind for the future.

Thanks again.

You are welcome xx

**RuthJ** · 24-01-2013, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by Daftbat

Thanks Ruth,
I regularly play on the floor with all the children but this little one yesterday, despite all attempts, didn't shut up crying until he was the only one on my knee - then he just quietens immediately and it feels like he has just got his own way. I try to distract him but this doesn't have any effect and in the meantime the other baby is getting upset. It all reduced me to tears yesterday by 9.30! and my husband is getting very concerned and I just don't enjoy my job on days when the little boy is around and almost dread waking up. I have had loads of children over the years and many with separation anxiety, problems settling in etc but have managed to resolve them all within a few weeks. This is making be doubt my own abilities despite having done this job for 13 years now. I really think the only thing which will keep me sane is to say goodbye although it hurts to see mum get so upset.

Oh, you poor thing

Sorry I have no useful advice but hope you get to a resolution soon. Don't doubt yourself! If you are feeling so down (and I'm not surprised you are from what you've described!) I think you probably should give notice. It's not good if you're dreading getting up in the morning

x

**Daisy1956** · 24-01-2013, 09:45 PM

I was very interested to read your post, I am experiencing something similar. I look after a one year old he has always been very demanding since he started last September. Wanting to be picked up and nursed all the time crying if put on the floor to play even if I sit on the floor and play with him, he just wants to be carried about all the time, Now though he has started hitting, he has hit me many times over the last two weeks, I know it may sound silly but he hits very hard, it hurts and twice he has knocked my glasses off. He also has hit his Grandma and Dad we have tried saying no this just makes him laugh and do it more. Has any one any ideas on to stop him hitting he has also started to hit the other children.