Real problems in getting child to settle in,please help!!!!

[tetti]

I have looked after a 1 year old boy for 2 months now,but he hasn't settled at all,despite my very best efforts.
He screams non stop from 8am-6pm,and I mean heartbreaching(and eardeafening screams!)
I just dk what to do,have tried everything in the book,believe me,there is no stoned I haven't turned.
He won't interact with the other child or play with any of the toys,he will only sleep about 30 mins over the 10 hours that he spends here.
I have never had this problem previously,as it usually takes no longer than 1-2 weeks for a child to settle in.

I think one problem may be that his parents really mollycuddle him,he never sits in a highchair at home,he'll eat sitting on their laps,they put him to bed about 10pm,and he'll wake up at 5am.
I asked them prior to them signing the contract if the had a set routing,and they assured me he did.
Then one day his grandfather came to pick him up,and asked me how on earth I was coping with him,telling me he would never sleep in the day,and that the child has no routine whatsoever(so,basically,the parents just said whatever I needed to hear in order to get that contract signed)

I just cannot cope with this anymore,it is sooo unsettling for the other child that the parents has now taken him out and are putting him into a nursery!
He used to love coming here,but now he comes in the morning and cries-No,don't want to go,baby cry,mummy,don't want to go!
My only option really is to find a replacement for this child as this constant screaming is wearing everyone down,not just me,the other child and my own child,but the neighbour next door works from home and complained to me the other day about this little boys excessive screaming.

Have any of you ever had this problem?It's def a first for me and I'm at my wits end .
I feel like a failure in not managing in getting him settled here,but I also know that there's nothing more that I can do.
Not sure if it (his behaviour)has got anything to do with the fact that he is 4 months premature,haven't got much knowledge in that field(if that would affect his development)

But,any advice would be GREATLY appreciated

Thank you:-)

[miffy]

Hello and welcome to the forum - sorry to hear you're having problems - don't think I'd have managed two months non-stop screaming!

The fact that he was premature is probably something to do with the way his parents are with him - basically letting him do as he wishes!

I would say as it's affecting the rest of your business and your home life give notice and get your sanity back - you've given it a good go.

Would the other parent leave her child with you and not send to nursery if you explained you were giving notice - at least that way you'd be no worse off than you were a couple of months ago

Good luck - let us know how you get on

miffy xx

[jaja]

I would speak to the parents and see what they say, explain the problem and ask them how they feel about his behaviour at home, it could be that he isnt happy leaving them and is basically tamtrum against coming to you (no offense meant) or that there is a problem with him and they didnt want to say in case you didnt take him on. I would suggest a review with parents and say enough is enough, help me or take him away...

I wouldnt put up with two months of screaming for anyone , good luck xxxxx

[Splish Splosh]

poor you I know how you feel I had a lo who stayed with me for a month and she screamed all day in the end I wrote the parent a letter stating that she was so unhappy and nothing would pacify spent all her time screaming at the front door was so sad.

I had to terminate the contract for all involved as it was to upsetting to carry on with it.

good luck with what you decide.

[Delly]

Hi and welcome, don't worry you are doing a good job its not just you !! we have all gone through it at some point im sure.

I agree with Miffy, I do think that being premature could be a factor,

my mindee was exactly the same (she was a prem baby too), when she first started she wanted to be picked up all the time, and cried constantly if I didn't give her full attention or left the room. the parent at the time actually used to call her the "velcro baby" she needs to be attached all the time..

I found it really hard but eventually she settled, did take a few months though, it makes me laugh now because she cries when its hometime !!..


Good luck with it all

[Rainy]

I think i would give the parents notice and try and keep hold of the other little one. I used to have a little boy who done nothing but cry but it wasn't because he was unhappy it was because he was so used to being carried round on mum or dads hip all day that it was a big shock for him when i wouldn't do it. If i went to the loo he would stand at the door and scream or when i got out of the car he would scream while i was getting the buggy out until i had opened his door to get him out. He just never wanted me to leave his side and it drove me mad. I put up with this for 18 months then thankfully he left cos mum went on maternity leave. She aked me to have him back a year later when she went back to work but i told a white lie and said sorry i'm full.
Hope it works out for you whatever you decide to do.

[tetti]

I had a chat with the other parent this morning,and she told me it's make more sense for her to put her boy in the nursery anyway(as they are not local,and this nursery is near their home)

If I could I'd def give this family their notice now,but as I am the sole provider for my child I am relying on my income.
I have recieved some enquiries from a few families,but they are not looking to start until Sep-Oct,but I think as long as I KNOW that he will be going,I can start to relax more(knowing that there's an end in sight!:-)

I just dk what I'd tell his parents when giving them the notice,I can sense they would not take it too well if I told them the real reason why I need to let him go,perhaps I should just tell them something along the lines of that I need to reduce my hours and therefor I will need to terminate the contract,hmmm.

Whoops!Just as I'm writing this I've had not one ,but TWO phonecalls from people wanting a space,a part timer who wants to start in 3 wks,and a fulltimer who wants to start in 6 weeks!!!I cannot believe it!What are the odds of that happening,just as I'm having a moan about my present situation,keep your fingers crossed for me please

[Rainy]

Thats brilliant, hope you get both of them

[sarah707]

Fingers crossed!

As far as giving notice goes, you don't have to give a reason ...

If you do feel you have to say something, 'personal circumstances' covers a multitude

[tetti]

That is true,personal circumstances,I can act a bit coy(ask I KNOW they will ask me in detail why I have come to that decision,and I'll just reply-It's personal,I'd rather not discuss it! )

Yes,I am meeting the woman interested in a pt space on Frid,then I hope to meet the other woman and her child as soon as.

I was absolutely shattered when the mother of the little boy came to pick him up this eve,did tell her that he'd been crying all day,that he only slept for 10,yes,TEN minutes during the 10 hrs that he was here.
Then she proceeds asking me all this questions about who I'm getting in to replace the other boy,and moaning about me wanting to take a week off!
I just know there will be trouble once I give them the notice,they will definetly kick up a fuss.

I am soo wary though, as I once had to let a child go after a very short period,her parents kept "forgetting" to pay me,forgetting to tell me they'd decided to take a day off etc,so I had to give them their notice pretty promptly.
Then the mother reported me to Ofsted(!),claimed I had no "medical records" of the children(the form where they have to fill in the gp's details etc),and that I had no buggy(!)
I could see the fun side of it as she had indeed signed a form,providing her daughter's gp's details etc,so that was on record,of course being a childminder I do have a buggy(doh!),well,actually two to be precise,one single and one double!lol
The parents of the other child I looked after also rung Ofsted to back me up,so it the complaint was thrown out as it was based on false accusations.
I just dread the parents of this child pulling a similar stunt,first they came across as pretty nice people,but the more I see of them.....

And they say that a childminder's work is easy???:-)

[mum22]

Poor you, it just goes to show you never know whats around the corner.... Best of luck with the prospective new mindees - fingers crossed for you
x helen

[Trouble]

good luck with the new ones

get rid of the other

i had one like that it slept 18 mins and screamed the rest of the time but in the end i admitted defeat and gave up

i feel 10 times better for it and dont regret it for a ssecond

good luck once again.

[wendywu]

Tell them you are having a nervous break down caused by their baby.

The garden shed seems like a good place for this little one :

[theoldwoman]

I used to have a little boy that made himself sick if he didn't like something - in the end I'd just stick him out the back door while he did it & bring him in when he had finished, ugh. He was scared of another lo I had (younger than him) and did it whenever he went near him. I felt sorry for his parents as he did it for them too, they couldn't go to pubs or anything, in the end I had to make an excuse and finish with him, he went to another childminder and then a nursery but they all gave up. His mum had to give up work in the end.

Sue

[tetti]

This morning he's worse than ever!
I've had to call his mum and say-Come and take him,he's been screaming all morning
His cries are soo loud and eardeafening that I just can't cope!
I am seeing the woman interested in a pt position tomorrow,and if she takes the space,I'll just have to let him go.
Ok,that will mean I only have about £200 left a month after all my outgoings(until I find someone to take the other space).
But I just can't handle this anymore.Whenever he turns up in the morning my stomach turns into knots as I know I'll have 10 hrs of LOUD,constant screaming ahead of me.
I might call them tomorrow morning,say I'm ill or something(as I just don't want that woman tomorrow to get put off by his screaming,I think she'd turn around and leave as soon as she'd get here.Also,there's no way that we cold have a conversation with him here)

Oh dear,how on earth can one little child cause sooo much stress?

[tetti]

I cannot believe this,the child was as I said,screaming all morning,I seriously thought that something really was wrong with him,then his mum comes and he transforms in seconds into a giggly,very happy little boy(thank's!)
When I rung the mum earlier in the day even she started to panic as his screams were so bad,but who'd know eh....
It just re-confirmed my belief that he just won't settle in here,he's only screaming because he's not with his mum.And if he's not used to being apart from her 2 months on,then it just ain't going to happen.
She was also very rude and abrupt with the other boy that I look after,which just isn't on.All he did was brush some crumbs out of the lil boy's buggy,and he got a real ticking off(eh?)

Haven't heard back from the woman interested in the ft vacancy yet(emailed her info last night),but hopefully she'll get in touch so that we can meet up.The sooner I can fill both vacancies,the better!

[katickles]

I cannot believe this,the child was as I said,screaming all morning,I seriously thought that something really was wrong with him,then his mum comes and he transforms in seconds into a giggly,very happy little boy(thank's!)
When I rung the mum earlier in the day even she started to panic as his screams were so bad,but who'd know eh....
It just re-confirmed my belief that he just won't settle in here,he's only screaming because he's not with his mum.And if he's not used to being apart from her 2 months on,then it just ain't going to happen.
She was also very rude and abrupt with the other boy that I look after,which just isn't on.All he did was brush some crumbs out of the lil boy's buggy,and he got a real ticking off(eh?)

Haven't heard back from the woman interested in the ft vacancy yet(emailed her info last night),but hopefully she'll get in touch so that we can meet up.The sooner I can fill both vacancies,the better!

That just typical.

It does sound ike he just wants to be with his mum & like you said after 2 months you'd of kinda hoped that he would have been settled by now.

Good luck filling your vacancies

[tetti]

One good bit of news,the lady who came round reg the pt space took it immediately.Now I just need to chase up the parents who were interested in a ft space so that I can replace that little boy who's screaming never seems to cease!
Fingers crossed!

[wendywu]

From her reaction to your other little mindee touching her buggy i would say she is very uptight and not at all a relaxed person. THis will have rubbed off on the baby, they pick up on things like this. I would say it is her that has made him an unsettled character

[taiwallis]

Hi there,

I do feel for you. I also had a difficult child once. The screaming was incredible. The thing was that i had to think of the other children in my care, and it was impacting in a negative way to them. It was very unsettling for them. I did give notice, only then to find out that he hadnt gone to his grandmas as he wouldnt settle there either and she couldnt take the screaming! xxx Something else will be around the corner - go with your gut instinct. I think you have left it for a reasonable amount of time. I would also point out that if he is screaming that much for that amount of time, then he is not benefitting from being with you. It could be being detrimental to him. Turn it around onto them, suggest a nursery maybe where there is more than 1 person to take his attention away. xxxx Chin up, wine time soon! xx