Disruptive child please HELP!!

[hedgehog]

I have been childminding for 6 months now and look after some really great children, however I am really struggling with one of my children who is so disruptive that I am now beginning to dread the days he comes!
He is 3yrs old and an only child. He struggles to concentrate on anything for more than a minute and hates having to share my attention. He lashes out, pushes,hits etc the other children (especially my own child who is the same age) when he can't get the toy he wants because the others are playing with it and he repeatedly pushes the boundaries and limits all the time. He seems to be very frustrated and everything he does is always very destructive and aggressive. eg if we are colouring he will push the felt tip really hard onto the paper so it snaps the nib or colour so hard it makes a hole in the paper so it rips repeatedly. If we play with cars he will bash the cars together to try and break them (which he has done with several) or smash them into the other children's toys they are playing with to spoil their game. I have spoken to his parents but they say he isn't a problem at home and he is generally very good. When I have had him on his own he is a lot calmer and easier to look after so I am wondering if the issue is with sharing and being with other children? I am so exhausted by the end of the day and his behaviour is affecting my child's behaviour and stressing me out. I am praising good behaviour and ignoring as much bad behaviour as I can. I have a star chart for him but I really feel I am getting nowhere and any advice would be appreciated. I don't want to give up and terminate the contract but I also don't want to get really stressed or for my child to be affected any more. Has anyone had a child with similar behaviour?

[migimoo]

Yep-i've got one...he's 20mnths old and has no interest in playing except breaking things,so far he's destroyed 2 stairgates, our play farm snapped to bits, books ripped, any attempt at crafts-paint is poured out,paper ripped,etc and he constantly hurts the other children-the worrying thing is his face when he is doing it,he watches SO carefully to see their reaction.

I too dread the days I have him and try to make sure we are out and about with him as much as possible.

I really can't suggest you do anything except what you're doing,I also just go with the positive approach and just a firm "NO" then move on and after 6 months he seems to be improving slightly...either that or he's just getting to the age where he understands more?

My LO is the same at home though-mum has begged me not to go on holiday next week as she says he's a nightmare when he hasn't been here so I must be doing something right!

From your post it sounds like he's just a jealous boy who's used to getting most of the attention at home-hopefully it'll just take time for him to learn how he's expected to behave in your home, will he be starting playgroup soon so you'll have some feedback/support there?

[watgem]

I used to mind one like this and with parents consent I spoke to my DO who suggested using an ABC chart(antecedent, behaviour ,consequence) at home and at mine to see fif there were any triggers or patterns to the behaviours, mum wouldn't do it but I did and after a few weeks I found that if he was overtired or overstimulated(eg too many resources out) he would behave innapropriately so I drastically reducued the amount of resources available and made sure I was able to recognise his tired signals, maybe it would be worth trying? or asking permission to seek help from your DO?xxxsending hugs because I remember how draining and stressful it wasxxxxx

[bunyip]

I too would start with the A-B-C chart and work with parents on this.

IME, children will often behave differently in different settings, away from home, etc. You need to get the parents to take it seriously, which is difficult as some just think you're criticising whilst not controlling him at your setting _ "well, he's no trouble at home." It looks very much as if he just can't socialise, and if he can't do it at a CM's home-based setting, then it will become an enormous problem at pre-school, school, etc.

Can you get the parents to speak to the health visitor about it? Also ask for consent to refer the matter to your local children's centre, who can provide a neutral, professional opinion.

[Helen79]

It sounds like he's stressed being around other children and struggling to cope with that. It's going to take time for to him to be happy with the other children around and for his behaviour to change so I'd look at what he's doing and give him toys that he can bash and crash if that's how he's feeling, toy hammers, bits of wood to bash and hammer.

Playdough is good for helping them work out their frustrations. Mix some lavender oil in with it and make it calming colours can help. I found a website yesterday that has balloons filled with playdough which looked really good for that kind of activity. If he's feeling destructive then filling a basket with loose newspaper and tearing it up is fun or popping bubble wrap is really good.

When mine start arguing over toys and snatching I put all the toys away and get treasure baskets out or an activity like the tub of lentils or rice. It means they can play together but there's nothing to share so less fighting.

[bunyip]

Btw, if he's breaking stuff, have you spoken with mum about paying for the damage? It tends to concentrate the mind.

[hedgehog]

thank you for your replies and suggestions. I am not sure his parents will take me seriously or want anyone else involved if I suggest I'd like to get health visitors etc as I think they feel there is no real problem. I think I will try the abc method and see if I can spot any patterns for now and go from there and perhaps reduce the amount of toys I put out incase I am over stimulating him.
He is starting pre-school this year so it will be interesting to see how he gets on there and what happens when he has to share in a class of 20 children! The thing that worries me is the enjoyment he gets out of being disruptive and how he smiles when he spots something new to destroy or disrupt before going and doing it. It like he gets real enjoyment form making everyone else upset.
It's a good job all my other children are so great or i'd have given up childminding by now!

[bunyip]

Sounds like you got the little boy from Toy Story - Sid.

Poor you.