settling in

[debbie1]

Hi all, well i have a 8mth little boy who is gorgeous 2 days a week his mum goes back to work in june so at the minute he comes for approx 3or 4 hrs two days to get him use to me and the setting, he is not settling at all he just cries and sobs if i hold him he cries, he doesnt want to play or sit in a chair etc or go in the pram holds himself rigid and even refuses his milk and water do manage to get some lunch etc inbetween sobs i feel so awful the others have settled well and its not nice for other little one who is here same day as i cant go out or get anything done, what would you suggest i have spoke to mum who says she hopes he gets use to me and she has suggested staying with him till he settles but when she goes i think he will be the same again he has been with me for a month what would you do

[miffy]

It just takes a long time for some children to settle and eight months is a prime time for separation anxiety too.

You could try having him every day (if you work full time) for a week and see if that helps; have mum leave something of hers so he has a familiar scent if he's upset.

I'd also try going about your usual routines, don't stop in just because he's unsettled.

Good luck

Miffybxx

[debbie1]

Hi miffy thanks for that i couldnt have him everyday as i would go over my ratios, she does leave stuff for him he just wont have none of it lol... he is so gorgeous, i do continue with routine and keep things calm but when he gets upset then the other little one does so its a vicious circle, well i will keep at it see how he goes i may be bald soon x

[nipper]

Hi Debbie,
I would just persevere as you are doing, it sounds like you have a good bond with him, he just hasn't realised it yet lol!
As Miffy has said, I wouldn't let him 'dictate' what you do on a day to day basis.(sorry I know he's only a baby, but ykwim) Are you able to get him out in the pushchair depending on what other children you care for? Sometimes just some fresh air and a change of scenery can be enough. Keep trying, you never know you'll crack it and then be offering other people advice on here like a seasoned pro!

[manjay]

I agree, keep going. With most children it does get better. As Miffy says, that age is prime separation anxiety time. I have a little one of the same age who sounded very similar. She is on a placement with me so two days a week, 5 hours each session. Unfortunately she spends lots of time in hospital so everytime she comes back it is like she is starting settling all over again. But 4 months on we are making some progress. She now spends more time happy than upset but it has been hard going.

It is heartbreaking when a little one is so sad and nothing you can do seems to make it better

[debbie1]

Hi all thanks for your comments, yes i do have a nice bond with him he is full of smiles and cuddles but as soon as mum leaves he gets soooo upset and this continues until she collects, i tried to get him out yesterday in the buggy as i live on the beach but he went as stiff as a board and screamed and i just could not get him in lol... mum brought him today and stayed for an hour and he was fine as she was here, so we have decided that as she is only bringing him for a couple of hours each time as she is still on maternity till june and really he arrives tired but then fights sleep this is probably why he doesnt settle so next week we are going to try longer days so he can hopefully settle into his routine here fingers crossed,

[debbie1]

Hi all well mum decided it would be best for little one to stay with grandparents as he just isnt coping, they never left him with is understandable as he is only a tiddler, such a gorgeous baby and mum wants to come a thank me properly for the care i have given him, just so gutted i think if he had done full days from the start he would probably be settled now ah well onwards i have other mindees who have settled and are his age so im glad i still have babies to care for debbie

[Cariad]

Oh no, sorry to hear you've had trouble but I suppose that's the nature of the game - if they don't settle, they don't settle unfortunately. Do you think mum gave it long enough to work out and for him to settle? Could you have coped with it any longer lol?
x

[debbie1]

Hi Cariad yes i think that was the problem mums first and anxious, he was so cute but she is going to stay in touch and possibly when he is older try again, i was ok with the crying but unfair on other mindees as i couldnt do anything with him such as go out in the pram etc and lots of crying etc, no worries i think the right decision was made for the time being xxx

[cathtee]

Oh dear, its always hard when a little one doesn't settle. I have a lo who cried every settling sessions, when it came to day mom went back to work she handed her over to me and we had no tears at all, almost as if she new it was no use moaning mom was going and that was that, she has been here for 4 months and is lovely.