Potty training nearly 3 year old help please

Hi,

I have a mindee (boy) who is 3 next month mum and dad started potty training in July this year, he generally except for the odd accident ok with wee's but with poos he will not go on the toilet/ potty/ tell you he needs a poo or even that he has done it. It all goes in pants and then throws massive tantrum when he is taken to be changed. His parents have had enough, bribery will not work as he wont co operate at all. Last night was the final straw for them he messed himself three times putting poo every where. So they have put him back in nappies which he also does not care about ! I have followed with there wishes today but still taken him if he asks for a wee.

Is there any suggestions any one has to help as I have never had a little one do this before.

He also wets/ messes himself after he has been told off like a sort of revenge!

TIA

I would say it's anxiety not revenge, all sounds very stressful.
Producing a pooh can be very frightening for a young child. We tend whilst they are in nappies especially disposable ones to give out a lot of negativity about poo, verbal and body language and they rarely get to see what they have produced.
I would also say by the age of 3 he has become accustomed to being dirty/wet this is safe and secure for him.
I have 3, 1.5 - 2 year olds (when they begin to notice what their bodies are doing and able to control it) and we are busy doing pre-potty training, potties to play with, sit on in clothes with a book, stories about using the potty, playing with pants, putting them on teddy etc, learning to wash our hands, making nappy changes verbal communication positive, putting poo in toilet from nappy so the can see it, helping to flush.
Parents also need to "be ready" yes it takes time, effort, patience and can be messy and doesn't come "ready made" instant. I'm guessing these parents may also feel pressured that he needs to be clean and dry for nursery?
Need to remove the pressure from the child, this can cause serious problems. Praise the good and ignore the bad( don't make a big fuss). This also stops older children using messing as a way of getting attention, as long as he's getting plenty of attention at other times.
You all need to agree what and how you are going to move forward together. Being consistent.
Putting back in nappies will just confuse the little chap and he might get the message that he doesn't really have to do it because he will just be put back in a nappy.
Letting him choose some special pants that he will want to keep clean and dry.
No one way will suit all children but some of this might help xx

Quote:

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Originally Posted by watford wizz

I would say it's anxiety not revenge, all sounds very stressful.
Producing a pooh can be very frightening for a young child. We tend whilst they are in nappies especially disposable ones to give out a lot of negativity about poo, verbal and body language and they rarely get to see what they have produced.
I would also say by the age of 3 he has become accustomed to being dirty/wet this is safe and secure for him.
I have 3, 1.5 - 2 year olds (when they begin to notice what their bodies are doing and able to control it) and we are busy doing pre-potty training, potties to play with, sit on in clothes with a book, stories about using the potty, playing with pants, putting them on teddy etc, learning to wash our hands, making nappy changes verbal communication positive, putting poo in toilet from nappy so the can see it, helping to flush.
Parents also need to "be ready" yes it takes time, effort, patience and can be messy and doesn't come "ready made" instant. I'm guessing these parents may also feel pressured that he needs to be clean and dry for nursery?
Need to remove the pressure from the child, this can cause serious problems. Praise the good and ignore the bad( don't make a big fuss). This also stops older children using messing as a way of getting attention, as long as he's getting plenty of attention at other times.
You all need to agree what and how you are going to move forward together. Being consistent.
Putting back in nappies will just confuse the little chap and he might get the message that he doesn't really have to do it because he will just be put back in a nappy.
Letting him choose some special pants that he will want to keep clean and dry.
No one way will suit all children but some of this might help xx

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Hi, lovely thank you so much I will pass on your advise and have a think about what I can do here with him x

Many years ago, I started to nanny for a little boy who was just 3.

According to mum he had been toilet trained since he was 2, and fine, no problems. They hadn't had a nanny for a few months, as mum was on maternity leave, having had babe number 3.

he used to have several pairs of wet pants a day, and then a dirty pair most days as well. At home, I just used to ask him if he needed to go every so often, and it was just about ok ( I put it down to mum going back to work, building work in the house, new babe & new nanny ) He was at Nursery every morning and it wasn't going so well there! and he really wasn't bothered about sitting in wet or dirty pants AT ALL! ( and neither did he like being changed )

what mum and I decided to do was to 'reward' the little boy, for keeping his pants dry & clean ( he needed INSTANT gratification, he couldn't wait till 'after lunch' or tomorrow for anything ) ... we decorated a small shoe box, and filled it with wrapped 'prizes' ( small packets of sweets, a small ball, toy car, mini playdough, dinosaur etc ) and mum bought some NEW SPECIAL pants, saying that the next day ( which 'happened' to be the start of half term ), he was going to be wearing his special pants.

We told him that if he still had on the same special pants after breakfast, he could have a prize from the box. He did, and did have a prize. Then he had to continue to keep the same pair of pants on until snacktime, then lunch, then mid afternoon, then tea time etc. and got a prize each time ... I think he must have had 7 or 8 prizes that first day. If he had an accident, we changed his pants, and then moved to the next 'reward' time. It took a couple of days of LOTS of prizes, and then slowly we stretched it out, and by the end of the week, he was pretty much lasting all day, and not needing a reward. we were all very calm and matter of fact about it.

I've never done that with anyone else, although a friend did do the same with her DS, and it worked for her.

good luck.