Disrespectful kids.

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13-03-2017, 04:03 AM
Scottish Ellen

Disrespectful kids.

As most of you know from my previous topic, I am currently a childminder of 8yr old girls, they are twins by the way and friends of my own daughter Cailyn, or so I thought.

We are just back from a guides camping weekend, we all had a good time apart from me and Cailyn, the twins picked on Cailyn all weekend, once they were so nasty that Cailyn came to me and the guides leader in tears because she was being ganged up on, verbally not physically.

As a volunteer I left it to the group leader to sort out, which she did, to her credit.

I am really thinking of telling the parents that I'm going to resign as their childminder because they disrespect me when it comes to zipping jackets, staying close by me on and holding hands at busy roads during the walk to school.

Tomorrow I have 3 new kids to care for, all girls, one aged 5 and 2 aged 9, the 9yr olds will sometimes be staying at mine for a fortnight because both parents start work offshore on the rigs, I have gone over my policies with both parents and they agree to all including my jacket zipping one but they said the kids "may test you to start off with".

I really enjoy childminding and Cailyn enjoys the extra company so I'm not going to stop childminding altogether.
13-03-2017, 07:23 AM
loocyloo

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scottish Ellen

As most of you know from my previous topic, I am currently a childminder of 8yr old girls, they are twins by the way and friends of my own daughter Cailyn, or so I thought.

We are just back from a guides camping weekend, we all had a good time apart from me and Cailyn, the twins picked on Cailyn all weekend, once they were so nasty that Cailyn came to me and the guides leader in tears because she was being ganged up on, verbally not physically.

As a volunteer I left it to the group leader to sort out, which she did, to her credit.

I am really thinking of telling the parents that I'm going to resign as their childminder because they disrespect me when it comes to zipping jackets, staying close by me on and holding hands at busy roads during the walk to school.

Tomorrow I have 3 new kids to care for, all girls, one aged 5 and 2 aged 9, the 9yr olds will sometimes be staying at mine for a fortnight because both parents start work offshore on the rigs, I have gone over my policies with both parents and they agree to all including my jacket zipping one but they said the kids "may test you to start off with".

I really enjoy childminding and Cailyn enjoys the extra company so I'm not going to stop childminding altogether.

Hello.

Glad you had a good time overall at guide camp.

Girls can be really horrible to each other, and although this hasn't happened at your setting, it might. Your DD must come first and feel safe in her home. I would be having a conversation with the parents and telling them that this behaviour (verbal bullying along with not respecting your wishes) is not acceptable and you will not be caring for the girls. You may wish to offer a period of time (say a few weeks) to see if things improve, but if they don't then they need to find new childcare. Good luck. It is not an easy conversation to have.

Have a great time with the new minded children xxx
13-03-2017, 08:37 AM
bunyip

Ultimately you are within your rights to give notice with the standard period and don't have to give any reason. Realistically, the client would have to be dim not to work out why.

There could be repercussions and you'll need to make a judgement about possible effects on business, reputation, etc. But loocyloo is right: your family comes first.

Do you have a robust policy on unacceptable behaviour or bullying within your safeguarding rules?

At the very least, I'd have a meeting or write to the parents.

Point out that lack of support over the coats issue is undermining your position, which has implications for your responsibility to keep all the children under control ( and thereby keep safe) on school runs.

Detail what went over the weekend. Stress that you let the guide leader deal with it, and you did not interfere, because you respected the leader's authority in that situation. Parents must do likewise and respect your authority in your home setting. If bullying is carried into your setting you will deal with it. This includes requiring parents to agree a behaviour plan.

I'd tell them that, the moment any bullying starts, they will be on official written warning that failure to improve or cooperate will result in immediate notice. If they have any problems with this, then I'd suggest they take the initiative and start looking for alternative childcare.

Ensure your policies support what you say, and check with your insurers that you are in a position to give immediate notice if that becomes necessary.

By being firm and honest, I'd be looking to either jolt the parents into full cooperation or leave them thinking they'd rather go bug someone else, but ultimately be prepared to "push" them if they won't "jump."
13-03-2017, 09:59 AM
Scottish Ellen

Well my first morning with the 3 newbies went well :-) :-), they are such sweet and very friendly girls, the possible test of my jacket zipping policy didn't materialise, the 9yr olds did that without needing prompted and the 5yr old let me zip hers.

The walk was pleasant too, the 5yr old took my hand as soon as we got outside, Cailyn took my other hand plus the twins stayed close to us all the time, even stopping to let us catch up whenever they were a bit ahead of us.

I have the problem kids after school so that I'm not looking forward to as it will disrupt the positive start to our day :-(.
13-03-2017, 11:41 AM
Jayse74

We have had experiences like this in the past and it does knock your confidence! But in reality you are not at fault, it is their problem! As Childminders we do our best to ensure children grow with morals, manners and respect. I hate to say it but parents can and do effect how this happens and if they cant be bothered to show respect, then why would their kids :(

We have had to make some tough decisions of late and it has affected our reputation and business. I cant get away from that fact but when it comes down to the wire, you have to do what is right for you!

I hope all this pans out ok and wish you all the luck for the future :)
13-03-2017, 06:43 PM
Maza

Are the twins in your daughter's class at school? I would be having a word with the teacher to ask her/him to monitor it is school and maybe they could do some PHSE work with them. Tell the teacher what happened when you went camping.
13-03-2017, 10:36 PM
Scottish Ellen

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maza

Are the twins in your daughter's class at school? I would be having a word with the teacher to ask her/him to monitor it is school and maybe they could do some PHSE work with them. Tell the teacher what happened when you went camping.

The 9yr olds are not in same class as Cailyn no but the problematic 8yr olds are.

The new minded kids are really nice and sweet so that is helpful :-) :-).

As feared, the walk home was not as pleasant :-( :-(, Cailyn came out crying and full of injuries from when the bad kids bullied her, so that settled it, today was my last day minding them which angered the parents but I told them what had happened then showed them Cailyn's injuries.

I cannot have kids who are disrespectful and bullies so I just told the parents that they are not welcome at my house, even if they are stuck for new childminders.

It has been a total nightmare from the zipping jackets an so on but bullying my daughter was the last straw.
14-03-2017, 11:52 AM
emmas

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scottish Ellen

The 9yr olds are not in same class as Cailyn no but the problematic 8yr olds are.

The new minded kids are really nice and sweet so that is helpful :-) :-).

As feared, the walk home was not as pleasant :-( :-(, Cailyn came out crying and full of injuries from when the bad kids bullied her, so that settled it, today was my last day minding them which angered the parents but I told them what had happened then showed them Cailyn's injuries.

I cannot have kids who are disrespectful and bullies so I just told the parents that they are not welcome at my house, even if they are stuck for new childminders.

It has been a total nightmare from the zipping jackets an so on but bullying my daughter was the last straw.

OMG!! That is dreadful, what are the teachers going to do about this? your poor little girl, you did the right thing without a doubt. I Always put an immediate exclusion clause on my contracts for this exact/and other reasons.

I really hope your little one is OK, bullying just cannot be tolerated under any circumstances in any setting, I hope the school are taking this into account, and ensuring this is dealt with in the correct manner.

x
14-03-2017, 03:43 PM
bunyip

Sorry to hear about Caitlin being bullied. You absolutely must report this and request you be kept informed on the action plan that school will put in place. I know of several cases where bullying was not reported, for ostensibly good reasons, but it backfired. If you don't report it then the bullied child turns on the bullies (even just by saying something) then the bullies' parents invariably report the victim's behaviour to school, and the whole situation gets turned on its head. So unfair and I'm sick of seeing it, but there you go.

Well done for standing by your daughter and giving this unpleasant lot the old Spanish archer.

Hope you're all ok.
15-03-2017, 12:04 AM
Scottish Ellen

Thanks for all the kind words regarding Cailyn :-) :-).

She is not ok though :-( :-(, she doesn't want to go into school, she starts crying just as we are near the school then by time we get there she asks for cuddles then clings onto me for a while.

I eventually took her home then called the school and explained why I had to take her home, the school were very understanding and promised to deal with problem kids, they are very worried about Cailyn's confidence due to the bullying and tbh, its upsetting me too.

I need to get her to school tomorrow so what do I tell her or do if the crying/clinging on happens again?

It was very windy so all kids had jackets zipped, no arguments so that is one less worry thankfully.
15-03-2017, 09:33 AM
Kiddleywinks

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scottish Ellen

Thanks for all the kind words regarding Cailyn :-) :-).

She is not ok though :-( :-(, she doesn't want to go into school, she starts crying just as we are near the school then by time we get there she asks for cuddles then clings onto me for a while.

I eventually took her home then called the school and explained why I had to take her home, the school were very understanding and promised to deal with problem kids, they are very worried about Cailyn's confidence due to the bullying and tbh, its upsetting me too.

I need to get her to school tomorrow so what do I tell her or do if the crying/clinging on happens again?

It was very windy so all kids had jackets zipped, no arguments so that is one less worry thankfully.

Probably a bit late now, but, as school are aware of the issue I would take her with me and speak to the head or person responsible for the childrens wellbeing and ask to have a plan put in place that your daughter feels comfortable with.
That way, everyone knows what she should do if a problem arises, and she can feel confident that her voice will be heard.
15-03-2017, 01:33 PM
Scottish Ellen

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiddleywinks

Probably a bit late now, but, as school are aware of the issue I would take her with me and speak to the head or person responsible for the childrens wellbeing and ask to have a plan put in place that your daughter feels comfortable with.
That way, everyone knows what she should do if a problem arises, and she can feel confident that her voice will be heard.

Thanks Kiddleywinks :-) :-), anyway its not to late, I will see the head tomorrow when she is back at school because she is not well today, she was up all night being sick :-( and that is with her jacket normally zipped up so it goes to show that I'm right to insist on zipped jackets.

Anyway, all is going well with the new kids, they are zipping jackets too, without argument :-).
15-03-2017, 08:12 PM
FloraDora

I have a few concerns over this thread.....the continuous references to zipped up coats, the previous thread regarding safeguarding issues, the safeguarding issues emerging......
I think we should leave you to sort it all out now Scottish Ellen. Lots of good advise given, in good faith.
16-03-2017, 10:18 PM
mumofone

yesterday was lovely weather here so i didn't do my zip up. Today it was colder though so i did do my zip up. The children had theirs all zipped up (by me!) both days. :laughing: