Children and forgiveness - your views
Yesterday at school I overheard one girl - child A (reception age) telling the TA about something that had gone on at playtime. Child A had, by her own admission, done something to 'annoy' another girl (child B) and then said sorry. Child B then still wouldn't play with her and so Child A told the TA. The TA then said to child B - "If somebody says sorry then you must forgive them". The TA left it at that but it just didn't sit right with me. Then I saw child B's face and she looked a bit crestfallen at that reaction, and I don't blame her. I intervened quickly and said that the other person had to 'show' that they were sorry, not just say the word, and we talked about how in that particular context Child A could make an effort to not do the thing which made the other girl cross. Both are sweet children and it was just an everyday type of disagreement within their play. The TA was on her way out of the classroom though and I'm not sure she would have been aware of what I had said.
The TA's comment really annoyed me though and I feel I need to follow up on it. I like the TA (known her for years) and would feel comfortable doing so, so that's good. I'm sure if she really thought about it she would agree that it's not the best thing to say in that situation. I know if my DD had been told that she had to forgive someone who had just annoyed her (just because they 'said' sorry) then I would feel a bit disappointed in the adult. Not that I encourage people to bear a grudge either of course, but I do think children deserve to have their feelings acknowledged.
What are your views on forgiveness? How do you deal with it in your home/setting? I would like to read more about it if anyone has any good literature that they can recommend.