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The girl I look after always brings some kind of toy in the holidays, usually a soft toy but it just creates issues with my son as he wants to have it or play with it then she says no and grabs it back etc.
I feel harsh saying she can't bring something but at the same time it's just an issue I don't want to be dealing with.
What do you all do?
The children here all know that all the toys here are sharing toys. If they bring something from home then that too needs to be shared. When my own son was smaller he had to share everything downstairs . If they dont want to share it goes back in their bag til hometime. I do make an exception for genuine comfort toys for new / settling children.
I allow toys from home and children don't have to share them.
Children need to learn that they can't have everything they want in life and they need to learn to respect other people's belongings. If a toy belongs to another child then they can't have it unless that child chooses to share. I take that approach from when I have very little children here and they grow up knowing that if a toy belongs to another child they can't have it. We never have any issues with it as all the children know the rules.
That's how I do it too, if they bring something it gets shared or it goes away.Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2three
We do it exactly like you!Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2three
I did try the 'no it's their toy so they don't have to share' approach but then I witnessed a child 'lording it over the others' as she stood clutching a toy knowing full well the other lo's really wanted to see how it worked etc. So now, besides comfort toys to new lo's, I don't allow any toys from home. They either go into their bags for 'a sleep' or I hand it back to the parent, after I've had a look as that seems to be their excuse ' to show me'. Recently when I've had a baby they have been the excuse to hand all toys back to parents with something along the lines of 'of that's lovely but baby Xxx will chew and dribble over it like last time so let's give it back to mummy'.
I also teach 'no gloating' and 'no being spiteful'!Quote:
Originally Posted by BallyH
If a child shows that sort of attitude I challenge it and explain why it's not nice. The children know that if they are unkind I will take the toy off them - whether it's their toy or one of mine. They know they don't have to share, but they also know there are nice ways to say so and that trying to wind up another child by waving the toy in front of them while saying "this is mine and you're not having it" isn't going to go down well!
I do the same as you Mouse, own toys allowed. Often they bring them with a linked to my setting reason, they know another child loves it ( Elsa and Anna dolls) or they have plans to use it along with other toys in my setting ( dinosaurs, cars, a baby high chair) or they want to show me something, add something they have collected temporarily to our loose parts collection.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mouse
Never any issues.
Usually the child likes to share anyway as they have that ethos in their bones.
I allow toys from home and haven't had any issues so far. I generally teach respect for other people's belongings. The child will often show the other children or share but if the others can see the toy is precious they seem to understand it may be "off limits" to them. If the toy was causing issues it would have to go back in the bag, mainly so it doesn't get broken.
I've had the same issue as you Mumofone, and yes, it was my own child who really wanted the toy. She was just two at the time and one particular boy had brought in a cuddly toy which was of an animal that my DD particularly loved at the time. He wanted to play with it all day long, not just at naptime, as that is easier to manage as they all slept in separate rooms. I tried to let them sort it out amongst themselves but it wasn't happening. I think you just have to try and look at it objectively (not always easy when your own child is involved) and see it from each child's point of view. Why doesn't the child want to hand over their toy to someone else - is it a genuine comfort item that they need all day long/is it their way of exerting power (if so, is there a kinder way that you could let them have some 'power'), are they genuinely afraid that the toy will get broken etc. If the latter is the case then maybe they shouldn't bring that toy to your setting.
In the end, I stepped in and requested that the boy let my DD have a turn at cuddling his toy. He obliged but I could tell that he was narked. DD had a cuddle, got it out of her system and then handed it back. I'm glad I handled it that way.
Over the years most of the mindees have brought in something from home and it hasn't been a problem - either because the toy didn't appeal to others or because they had a more sharing nature and were happy to let others play with their toy.
I don't think there is a hard and fast rule on how to deal with it, because the 'not sharing' can occur for several different reasons, so you have to handle each case accordingly. Is the child reluctant to let all the others play with the toy or just your son? Maybe she is jealous of your son or maybe because of his age she is genuinely afraid that he will break it.
I dont mind them bringing toys as long as they share (and age appropriate for the other little ones). If they dont the toy gets put away in child's bag til home time.
I allow toys but only if they share otherwise it goes away until hometime. At the end of the day we are sharing our homes and resources, so I expect them to do the same with toys they choose to bring.
Toys that my children don't want to share are kept in their bedroom until children have gone home
I don't have a strict rule for this as I have found it depends on the child and the toy. So I encourage them to bring something that goes with a theme or if they've been away or had a birthday I ask if they want to bring anything to show us. I look after a 7 year old girl who doesn't seem to like anything I have and so she has brought something every day this week, has barely played with her things but having something of hers here has helped her to then play with something of mine too.
If it was causing an issue then I would handle it differently depending on what the issue was. If it was that it was a toy capable of being shared and the child who owned it didn't want to share it would be put away. I don't feel children must share their special items any more than I would share my car lol. But they must understand that this is a sharing house and so it must go away to stay safe.
So far I haven't had an issue with it.