scratching, pushing and pulling hair :(

Before Christmas my own 21 month old daughter started to scratch, hit and pull hair of other children. It was triggered by another child her own age starting full time mid november. Before this she was very gentle to the other children and played nicely and looked after the 10mo I have giving her toys and stroking her etc. But the new lo likes to keep herself to herself and didn't like my dd approaching her, trying to giver her things etc and would push her away and this triggered my dd getting frustrated and angry and she started to sratch her face, pull her hair, push her over. Now she has started to do this to all of my existing mindees inc the baby who she now pushes over while she's sitting. she also pushes and tries to scratch the 3 year olds. I'm not sure how to deal with it- as she can be fine one minute giving toys, playing, sharing nicely etc and then suddenly she will just lash out and scratch of push or grab a handful of hair and not let go etc. no warnings. so unless I keep her separate or am right next to her at all times I cannot prevent these things. I am taking her with me whenever I leave the room (even if it's to get something and come straight back). I cannot seem to let them free play together at the moment which is sad as I feel children gain a lot from this at this age. we have just been closed for the last 10 days, she has scratched my other 2 children twice each in that time. How would you deal with this and if she does hurt another child how do I deal with the parents of the hurt child. As I know from reading online forums that mums of children who get hurt at nursery by other children react quite angrily....... On one occasion the new child pushed, hit and scratched my dd in front of her mum at collection - and my dd didn't react back - just stood there. sorry for long post

It's so hard to see your own child struggling :( sending hugs xx

The best way to tackle it is to be proactive and totally consistent.

Proactive by teaching your child how to handle times when other children don't want to play without being angry - and consistent by using the same words and actions to deal with her behaviour when she displays unwanted actions.

Have you ever read the work of Janet Lansbury - respectful parenting? She talks about how you can acknowledge a child's distress without allowing them to do things that hurt others. She has a blog and a FB page.

I hope it resolves quickly xx

thanks

I am currently instantly taking her hand gentle and saying 'no....gentle' in a calm voice and replacing the action with a stroke. so she is now scratching and then instantly being told gentle to which she will then stroke the child. And now if I see her about to do something or a situation where she may do it -I say gentle and she seems to think twice about it.

Just hope it's a quick to pass phase....