mates rates

Hi, has anyone here ever been asked to do a "deal" for a friend, purely because they're your friend? I've had a request from one of my best mates (although only sort of hypothetical as she doesn't know if and when she'll need childcare yet), but I just don't feel I can afford to cut her a cheaper deal. I think it'd be different if I was in another profession, where me doing work for her doesn't limit what I can do for other people, but when I'd have to turn down paying families because of the spaces her children take up, it's a bit different. On the other hand, I feel really guilty and money-grabbing by saying no, as I know that she'd happily look after my kids any time for free, because she's my friend!

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Originally Posted by redtiger21

. On the other hand, I feel really guilty and money-grabbing by saying no, as I know that she'd happily look after my kids any time for free, because she's my friend!

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Yes, that is all well and good because it wouldn't be costing her.
Would you expect her to go to work to pay your rent or pay your shopping bill? No! This is exactly what she is asking 'hypothetically' you to do.
In effect she is taking part of your living/wages whatever you want to call it which means you won't have the money for your rent or shopping! Simple, If you can afford it fine, if not the answer has to be NO! If she's your friend she will understand, if she doesn't understand then she's not your friend.

Personally I would stay clear of looking after 'friends' children it's an easy way to loose a friendship.

I look after 2 friends children and my niece and nephew. All strictly business, this arrangement means everyone knows where they stand. I think it's very important not to blur the lines, if you offer a reduction now what other favours will she ask down the line? No reductions as it's purely a business arrangement, that's my opinion. Another point is the space issue as you have said, you could become resentful towards your friend down the line if your turning down people who would pay in full. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I don't do 'mates rates'.

I used to look after my best friends children. she understood it was my business and we did everything properly and all contracts signed etc.

however, outside of the childrens minded hours, her children would come and play, or my children would go to her, and we often all met up for play dates when I was working ( obviously not when her children were with me and she was working! ) we also used to babysit each others children! It just worked for us! but I think it helped that when I was working, I treated her just like a parent and she treated me like her childrens childminder.

I also minded others friends children and 99% of the time it was fine, as I always approached it as a professional matter. ( the odd time it didn't work, was usually when I did a favour for someone! and then I didn't do it again! )

I had someone I have recently met and become friendly with, ask me to care for her child. I explained that I didn't currently have a space and she got a bit stroppy, saying '' I thought we were friends '' !!!! I said we were, but if I don't have a space, I don't have one! and actually ... I don't think I will have a space!

I pretty much agree with everything posted so far.

I've looked after the children of 'friends of the family', one of whom I'd class as a personal friend. It's worked, but probably because we were 100% clear from the start that it was a business/care arrangement, not a "favour for a mate".

They don't expect a "mate's rate" any more than they expect me to say, "sure, but as we're friends, I'm going to assume it's OK if I provide your child with a slightly lower standard of care."

For one thing, CMing touches on some very difficult issues, such as safeguarding and confidentiality, so you can never allow friendships to blur the lines. You both have to be 100% comfortable with the idea that you'd follow procedure if there was any question of a safeguarding matter, fr'instance. Some people aren't even comfortable mentioning that in a hypothetical sense, and I think in that case it would be best to just say 'no' to providing care.

Koala and Loocyloo have spelled out the contrasts that can arise.

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Koala: "If she's your friend she will understand, if she doesn't understand then she's not your friend."

Loocyloo: "I explained that I didn't currently have a space and she got a bit stroppy, saying '' I thought we were friends '' !!!!

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It's the difference between a friend and someone who wants to carry the status of 'friend' but only to take what they can whilst giving nothing back.

Thanks for your input guys. I'm still undecided really- I love her children, but I'm not sure I want to enter a business relationship with her. We'll see.....

I wouldn't do mates rates. Its usually 'mates' who end up causing problems as money is always a sore subject with friends. I would keep your business head on.

Last Year I had my dd's friend most days after school. She was 10yrs old and although I didn't know the Dad that well I told him that because she'll be with dd most of the time I would charge him £3.00 per hour instead of £3.50.
Only a 50p drop but it all mounts up. I forgot how much a 10yr old eats and dd would come down to the fridge when I wasn't looking and take food upstairs. (She was used to doing this because if she had a friend round for tea then I usually gave snacks as a treat, occasionally buying cookies/cakes/fruit etc as they were always ravenous after school) They would eat a whole punnet of grapes between them! Id find the empty packet after her friend had gone home.

After dd's friend went to secondary school in another area, the Dad didn't need any childcare so although I don't look after his dd, the girls still keep in contact and visit.

The Dad is a plumber and I was having a problem with the upstairs toilet so I asked him round to come fix it.....having arrived, 20mins later he came downstairs having fixed it and charged me £50

So much for 'mates rates' :rolleyes: