2 year olds behaviour *warning, a long post*

I look after a 2 year old who is 80% of the time the sweetest most gentle and polite child you will ever meet. The other 20% of the time he is very very challenging.
With mum he is 90% challenging 10% asleep (her words)

In a split second with absolutely no warning he will completely flip and start screaming, shouting, hitting, throwing things etc.
These tantrums will last anywhere up to 2 hours!
On wednesday he hit me so I gave him a time out for it. I sat him in the hall, I then sat on the floor in the playroom with the other children. He ran back in the room and hit me across the back of the head with a toy. I put him back in the hall he then got back up hit me across the face so back he went. He then got up and ran at one of the other children sending them flying. I ended up strapping him into the pushchair in the kitchen just to keep the other children safe.
This is the worst he has got. Normally he will hit, do his time out, say sorry and that'll be the end of it.

About once a week he will have a complete meltdown and will roll around on the floor screaming for hours at a time. When he does this I put him somewhere safe and ignore it til he's finished.

I've had his mum in tears this morning because of his behaviour. At home he is a complete nightmare for her. He doesn't listen to a word she says. Nothing is working to change his behaviour. We both do exactly the same with the way we deal with the unwanted behaviour. I believe she is really consistent with him but it's not working.

We've tried reward charts, ignoring the behaviour, time out (currently doing this one) and all sorts of other approaches but if anything the bwhaviour is gettimg worse.

Mum is really struggling with it and last night ended up having to get 1 of her friends to come over and deal with him while she went for a walk round the block. She's a single mum, working full time with 2 kids struggling to make ends meet. I really feel for her but don't know what else to suggest.

Anyone got any ideas on what else to try?

What is he trying to tell you? Is there anything in his little life that is frightening / upsetting him that he can't verbalise?

Usually a 2 pronged approach works - total consistency (which you seem to have sorted) and teaching about other ways to manage emotions when the child is calmer.

Have you read up on Janet Lansbury's work about respectful parenting? It can be very helpful - Elevating Child Care - Janet Lansbury's Online Parenting Resource.

Hugs xx

How is his speech . Have two children both 2. Their speech Is really good bit they point and whine at things or whine if someone annoys them. I tell them if they don't tell what they want I won't get it. If they cry I say you can speak clearly tell me what is up. It results in a less whining house just wonder if he does this because he can't say what is wrong

His speech and understanding are excellent. He will normally tell me if something is wrong, if someone is doing something he doesn't like, if he wants something etc.

I watch him so closely as there's no telling when he will start. I can't see any triggers to the behaviour at all. He will be playing nicely on his own for 10mins no other children anywhere near him then he will just stand up and start screaming and hitting out. I watch him closely and i haven't seen any links at all.
After he calms down I ask him what happened to make him so sad and he just says 'dunno' then goes back to playing.

I've done lots of feelings and emotions activities with him. I tell him it's ok to be angry/sad but it makes everyone else sad when he hits them.

Me and mum have had some really long chats recently trying to figure out if anything in his life has changed. We can't think of anything at all.

Thanks for the link sarah, I will have a read.

Could there be a medical reason for this behaviour? Is it worth suggesting to mum to get him checked out? At least then this can be ruled out?

I had and sometimes have a lo who will scream the house down after I have said no to something or not said things in a way he would like. He would throw toys but not hit. I had to lie him flat as he would bang his head on the floor. I think it was murphf who suggested a book making the terrible 2's terrific. I used a firm voice. Used a short sentence only 2-3 words. No fluffy words. No was said firmly and slightly louder than other words. Didn't say things like oh Jonny don't do that it's not nice. They only hear the first few words. Also I increases his exercise. Got him very tired so he had less fighting energy.

Could mum try having a little tent at home with cushions and cuddley toys in. When hes having time out he has it in there. He can get his anger out throw the cushions and toys and come out when he has calmed down? He has a way to release his anger then rather then releasing it on mom. If you had the room you could do this too.

Also on pintrest I show a really good idea for a calm down bottle so he has something to focus his attention on whilst trying to calm down.
Heres the link for it
http://mycrazyblessedlife.com/2011/1...ime-out-timer/

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Originally Posted by Kidston

Could mum try having a little tent at home with cushions and cuddley toys in. When hes having time out he has it in there. He can get his anger out throw the cushions and toys and come out when he has calmed down? He has a way to release his anger then rather then releasing it on mom. If you had the room you could do this too.

Also on pintrest I show a really good idea for a calm down bottle so he has something to focus his attention on whilst trying to calm down.
Heres the link for it
http://mycrazyblessedlife.com/2011/1...ime-out-timer/

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Lovely ideas. Thank you.

If anyone knows the English versions of ingredients needed I'd be grateful for the heads up as I like the idea of making a calm down bottle or two ( esp the glow in the dark one if you follow link from link above! )

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Originally Posted by loocyloo

Lovely ideas. Thank you.

If anyone knows the English versions of ingredients needed I'd be grateful for the heads up as I like the idea of making a calm down bottle or two ( esp the glow in the dark one if you follow link from link above! )

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Have you seen the lego man one?

LEGO Calm Down Jar - Lemon Lime Adventures

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Originally Posted by FussyElmo

Have you seen the lego man one?

LEGO Calm Down Jar - Lemon Lime Adventures

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Oh wow! Thank you ...

Oops ... going to have to visit hobbycraft for big bottles of glitter glue ...

They are brilliant. I'll make some over the weekend and try it out next week :)

Id love it if you posted a thread about how the kids reacted to these calm down bottles for those who made them. Ive wanted to make them for ages my little girl is only 16months so a bit young for it yet.

Leading child psychologist David Coleman says:
'Anyone who reads my articles regularly, will know that I am firmly opposed to the naughty step. I believe it can be rejecting for children to be sent away to a bold chair or naughty step.

I also believe that by sending a child to a bold or naughty step you give them a very unfortunate message that they are naughty.

Why should they bother trying to be good if their parents believe that they are bold? If you use a naughty step, over time your child could come to believe that they are naughty and so they will be less inclined to act positively because they will, instead, act according to their 'naughty' reputation.

My approach is to swiftly and decisively tell them that certain behaviours are not acceptable. Then I stop the child from doing the behaviour and if needs be I remove them from the situation where they can repeat the behaviour.'

My experience of sitting out a child really only helps the adult....allows the adult to carry on doing what they are doing.....give the adult the satisfaction of punishing the child....but doesn't address the child's actual emotion's that caused the distress ' fight or flight' behaviour.
There is something upsetting this child, when you get to the bottom of this, then the child might be happier. It sounds to me like the root is at home, the relationships there don't seem to be happy......what causes this little one to fight 90% of his life? Something might be causing mum to be stressed and even though she says she is following routines, the likelihood is she isn't, if the child is constantly upset at home, yet 80% of the time with you is happy.

Poor little one is in a life of confusion.....at least the majority of time with you he is happy.

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Originally Posted by loocyloo

Oh wow! Thank you ...

Oops ... going to have to visit hobbycraft for big bottles of glitter glue ...

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Sorry for sending you to hobbycraft - I know just how painful these trips can be :D

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Originally Posted by FussyElmo

Sorry for sending you to hobbycraft - I know just how painful these trips can be :D

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:-) :-) :-)

Thanks!!!

Ok ... so we now have a small cross stitch kit, small tin bucket , small tin heart, felt, movable erasers (?), some coloured card and felt pens! Plus bottle of glitter glue and fine glitter!

But no clear glue ... Do you think I could use pva?

Might sound strange but have you tried a food diary to see if there is any link? You mention that its worse once a week, could it be linked to a fav food the evening before? Maybe theres a particular program he watches the day before at home which upsets him? Causing him to act out the next day? Also if you are filling out a very detailed diary n mum joins in too you might spot something else. Maybe get mum to record everything and you might actually see if she does follow through on the consequences you both implement.

Is there a chance he may have ear infection/pain or toothache? Something that comes on sudden and it's hurting him but he doesn't have the vocabulary to explain x

He does suffer from ear infections but his vocabulary is excellent for his age and always tells me when his ear is hurting.
When he was dropped off this morning his mum said he'd spent the weekend with granny because she just couldn't cope with his behaviour anymore.
I feel really bad for her. I know she tries her hardest. Maybe a break was what they needed?

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Originally Posted by Mrsh3103

He does suffer from ear infections but his vocabulary is excellent for his age and always tells me when his ear is hurting.
When he was dropped off this morning his mum said he'd spent the weekend with granny because she just couldn't cope with his behaviour anymore.
I feel really bad for her. I know she tries her hardest. Maybe a break was what they needed?

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That's so sad. Both for LO and mum :(

xxx