complaint from parents child shows willy
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  1. #1
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    Default complaint from parents child shows willy

    Hi I need help. I have a parent who complains every weekend. This weekend i'm not sure who i'm supposed to contact if anyone. I deal with the complaints every weekend in writing and arrange meetings on Sundays my only day off. I'm a childminder. This weekend she has sent a text complaining that her daughter has said that a little boy in the setting has shown her his willy. He is 3. She has said her daughter knows it has a hole and she states that this is never to happen again. I'm in the process of trying to explain normal childhood behavior and suddenly went into panic about safeguarding and should i report this to anyone eg ofsted / mash? I don't think I have to but i'm not sure. The whole thing is nuts? What do i do, I change nappies, she sees willies, i have to take her to the toilet sometimes with others as its unsafe to leave her, she has to be safeguarded again she will see willies of kids under 5. Totally demoralised by it all any cms in the Exeter area out there would love to meet and have a occasional rant or laugh over coffee!

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    Oh you poor thing. I dread dealing with stuff like this (I'm pre-reg). If you're having a complaint every week and having to deal with it on your day off then maybe it would be worth thinking about giving notice? I've put in my nappy about having to change them in front of other children but you'd think parents would realise that anyway!

    As far as reporting it my understanding is you have to report EYFS complaints and complaints against yourself specifically but I'm all new to this and still learning so best to take advice from the other peeps on here.

    Hope you get it sorted though as it must be awful dealing with that every week.

  3. #3
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    Weekly complaints seem to me to be excessive as well as undermining. As for the Sunday meetings that's just unreasonable. Sounds to me like you are dealing with an extremely controlling individual. Speak to your Noel Quinn worker for support and advise. Good luck x

  4. #4
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    Default First thing - keep calm

    Quote Originally Posted by Pip N Squeak View Post
    Hi I need help. I have a parent who complains every weekend. This weekend i'm not sure who i'm supposed to contact if anyone. I deal with the complaints every weekend in writing and arrange meetings on Sundays my only day off. I'm a childminder. This weekend she has sent a text complaining that her daughter has said that a little boy in the setting has shown her his willy. He is 3. She has said her daughter knows it has a hole and she states that this is never to happen again. I'm in the process of trying to explain normal childhood behavior and suddenly went into panic about safeguarding and should i report this to anyone eg ofsted / mash? I don't think I have to but i'm not sure. The whole thing is nuts? What do i do, I change nappies, she sees willies, i have to take her to the toilet sometimes with others as its unsafe to leave her, she has to be safeguarded again she will see willies of kids under 5. Totally demoralised by it all any cms in the Exeter area out there would love to meet and have a occasional rant or laugh over coffee!
    Best advice I can offer is to first of all, keep calm.

    If you always have the children within sight or hearing, and cannot think of an instance when the male child has taken the female child aside to deliberately show her his willy, then you know that the only way she can have seen his 'willy' is when you take the children to the toilet. You could reassure the mother that you are aware that this can have been the only time that the little girl has 'seen' such a thing, and that you would be happy to explain to the child that girls are different from boys.

    However, if your gut feel is telling you that the mother is trying to cause you trouble, then I agree with what the other person said, and that is to give notice. As far as I can make out, you've tried speaking to the mother over various complaints to date, but you could invite her in for a chat, let her know that you feel she is not happy with you as a childminder for her child, and remind her of the notice period to leave. Or you could offer that she could leave immediately as you feel the relationship has broken down. It's up to you whether or not you refund her deposit or just let her go.

    These continued complaints may just be the mother's way of letting you know that she is not happy, so it may not be worth carrying on once the relationship has broken down so far.

    I would also strongly suggest that, if you are a member of PACEY, you should call the legal helpline for their advice on how to handle this complaint before you do anything else. (If not, then call your local authority childminding co-ordinator, if you have one, and ask for their advice.)

    Sending you big hugs. Good luck with what you decide to do.

    L

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  6. #5
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    Agree with lolly pop kid would add that you need to keep a written log of everything said and done and I would be informing Ofsted and Lado in writing just in case it gets worse especially as mum may be more agitated when/if you give notice.

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    Something similar happened in my setting . I contacted my LADO , my insurance and OFSTED , wrote up a report of everything that happened and had been said and gave a copy to the parent involved and kept one on file for myself . I kept the parent updated of any further calls from ofsted etc.
    It made sure I was covered. Nothing came of it in the end but was told it was the correct thing to do .
    What does it say in your complaints policy ?
    Some parents can blow things out if proportion so make sure you follow your policy to ensure you are covered .
    X

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  9. #7
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    Default Keep call to Ofsted up your sleeve until you hear what Pacey advise.

    Quote Originally Posted by *daisychain* View Post
    Something similar happened in my setting . I contacted my LADO , my insurance and OFSTED , wrote up a report of everything that happened and had been said and gave a copy to the parent involved and kept one on file for myself . I kept the parent updated of any further calls from ofsted etc.
    It made sure I was covered. Nothing came of it in the end but was told it was the correct thing to do .
    What does it say in your complaints policy ?
    Some parents can blow things out if proportion so make sure you follow your policy to ensure you are covered .
    X
    Hi - just be careful. Keep call to Ofsted up your sleeve until you hear what PACEY advise. Also, put everything in writing now and do a record of concerns re. Mum's complaint history just to cover yourself.

    L

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    Some good advice from everyone. Can I just add though that its not 'normal' behaviour to be putting in a complaint so often. I honestly wouldn't put up with it and would give notice as you are going to end up like a walking worrier just in case parent doesn't like something.

    I definitely wouldn't be giving up any Sundays to go through the complaints. It sounds like parent has a bit of problem that needs to be addressed and I would be worrying that she could really do damage to your business.

    Keep all her complaints in folder for Ofsted in case she decides to put in a false allegation and give notice

    I must add that I'm not just saying give notice for the hell of it....I'm all for working with parents and have fantastic relationships with all parents but just couldn't work with someone like this....sounds like a nightmare.
    Time Out.. The perfect time for thinking about what you're going to destroy next.

  11. #9
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    I would the mum's bluff and say "Every week you seem to have something different to complain about, if you aren't happy or don't trust me to do what's right in order to care for your child then maybe you should look for someone else" It may just be that she's a paranoid mother who is jealous of you spending quality time with her child.

    I had an "older" mother with a first and only child who wanted to moan and cross examine me about everything, eventually I said "if you want to make this a formal complaint can I have it in writing and I will reply within 28 days as per my complaints procedure or if you think its a neglect or safeguarding issue then the phone number and address for Ofsted in on the poster in the porch", she realised that she was just nit picking and toned her moaning down, if she hadn't then I would have given notice as she was wearing me down and damaging my confidence in my ability to do my job.

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  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by hectors house View Post
    I would the mum's bluff and say "Every week you seem to have something different to complain about, if you aren't happy or don't trust me to do what's right in order to care for your child then maybe you should look for someone else" It may just be that she's a paranoid mother who is jealous of you spending quality time with her child.

    I had an "older" mother with a first and only child who wanted to moan and cross examine me about everything, eventually I said "if you want to make this a formal complaint can I have it in writing and I will reply within 28 days as per my complaints procedure or if you think its a neglect or safeguarding issue then the phone number and address for Ofsted in on the poster in the porch", she realised that she was just nit picking and toned her moaning down, if she hadn't then I would have given notice as she was wearing me down and damaging my confidence in my ability to do my job.
    Great advise given, but I would not call parents bluff on THIS topic. If she really is thinking it's a safeguarding concern, you need to deal with this. It could really blow up in your face.

    Next weekend, when she thinks of something else to moan about, then you could call her bluff, or give her notice then.

  14. #11
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    Default Get advice - seriously.

    Quote Originally Posted by k1rstie View Post
    Great advise given, but I would not call parents bluff on THIS topic. If she really is thinking it's a safeguarding concern, you need to deal with this. It could really blow up in your face.

    Next weekend, when she thinks of something else to moan about, then you could call her bluff, or give her notice then.
    Hi, I'd get advice from PACEY (029 2115 6458) number for Legal helpline, or from your Development Officer BEFORE you go any further. It may also be worth just making sure that all of your training, paperwork and learning journeys are up to date - just in case the mother puts a complaint into Ofsted on the grounds of inadequate supervision (see Risk Assessment Ofsted Inspections), as in these types of complaint, you could get an unannounced inspection. (I'm not saying you will - just be aware that this can happen as a result of a call from disgruntled parents!!)

    Thankfully, the 'willy' in question belongs to a 3 year old mindee, so the mother's reaction may be way out of proportion, but call PACEY first and get their advice, then follow it to the letter.

    Going forwards, when meeting new parents, explain to them how you toilet train, and at home-times after instances of toilet training, it may be worth mentioning to parents that x was very interested that y had male parts, while she has female parts (and make a remark about them noticing differences) - just so you can have that chat face to face in future before anything gets out of hand.

    Bear in mind that in your current situation, you need to be able to show that you've employed adequate supervision at all times that her child has been in your care.

    Good luck!

    L
    Last edited by lollipop kid; 26-01-2015 at 02:53 PM.

  15. #12
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    Whatever happens, give notice. A complaint every single week is not normal and the mum must think that she employs you!
    Need a laugh? Visit my website: www.unclegargy.deviantART.com

 

 

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