Can I say anything to parent about this?

**Rolacolapink** · 27-12-2012, 05:23 PM

Hi i've searched the forum for a similar thing but cant find anything so here goes.

I have a mindee aged 7 who is contracted to come to me in school holidays and quite often on these contracted days her mum will take her out of my care for lunch, visiting family, shopping etc but will then bring her back the same day. While I dont normally mind this it's starting to grate on me as it's a little annoying as I dont find out until the day before or on the day that she'll be taken out of my care then returned. Not only is finding out late a pain it interupts our plans for the day. Mindee is due to attend my setting next week for 2 days and parent has asked mid-Dec if she can 'let me know' if I'm needed or not. I'm still waiting to hear despite texting to ask on Xmas eve. I shouldnt moan because I charge for this time regardless, it's just annoying as I want to know if I'll be working next week or not (dont have any other children booked in and parent knows this).

I want the parent to give me more notice, and our contract does state 1 weeks notice for holidays however this doesnt apply to 'trips out'.

I haven't been minding that long (since April) and the parent previously used another childminder and dictates what that cm used to do (underminding me)! Also want to point out they are neighbours of ours and I also take the little girl to school everyday.

Should I do a written policy for this dilemma or just accept it?

Any suggestions welcome! thank you :-)

**bunyip** · 27-12-2012, 06:27 PM

Hmmm, tricky. It's going to depend a lot on the circumstances.

I have just one regular lo at the moment. I know I got into a rather unneccessary fuss over myself when her mum said she might be having a 'shopping day' off work earlier this month, so I'd get some unexpected paid time off to myself. I started making provisional plans for myself, then started pestering the mum for confirmation. In the end, the mum said did I really have to make plans for myself? couldn't I just accept it as a bonus if I did get the time off? I'm ashamed to say she was perfectly right.

If, as you say, you only have this one child booked, then you may just need to be content that you're being paid for the time even when the child is with mum. I know it's easy to think of what you could've been doing instead. But it's perhaps a bit much to be paid (which really implies we're still working) and also still have the luxury of deciding what we do with our time too.

OTOH, is it having an impact on things you'd otherwise plan to do with the girl that form part of her learning/development experience at your setting? eg. Do you plan stuff like outings that get messed up by mum's short-term changes to the schedule? If that's happening, then maybe you need to sit down, talk it over with mum and at least sort out some ground rules which maybe allow her flexibility on some days whilst 'ring-fencing' other days for your outings and planned activities.

I think the most important consideration is to think ahead. If there came a time when you had other children around too, then you'd probably find this arrangement too disruptive to the overall routine, and impossible to plan outings, etc. At the very least, mum needs to be made aware of that so she doesn't get the idea into her head that your setting is run around her personal arrangements.

**Rolacolapink** · 27-12-2012, 06:37 PM

Thanks for your comments. I do usually have other children during school hols, just happened to not have any during xmas hols. I've found the extra activities my mindee was being taken out of the setting for - a problem due to outings planned that day. We had to cut short a day trip to a farm as she was going to the cinema with her nan. I had 5 children that day including her (2 my own). I think I need to have a chat with the parent and iron it out. Just feel like she dictates to me alot and not sure where I need to draw the line!

Many thanks

**bunyip** · 27-12-2012, 06:50 PM

Gosh, I guess that must be pretty difficult.

I'm lucky in that I really have just 1 regular pre-schooler, plus grandchildren and other 'occasionals'.

It must be awkward to have a dictatorial parent and to have to work out which battles are worth fighting. It must be tempting to say, "go and see if a nursery will put up with your demands."

My friend is also a CM and she has multiple children, with quite 'opinionated' parents. Her approach is to tell each mum that, whilst she will try to accommodate their wishes, it's really difficult because the other parents are all far more demanding

. So often the only way she can be fair to everyone is to stick to the routine. It's a bit of an exercise in bluff and kid-ology, but somehow she pulls it off.

**cathtee** · 27-12-2012, 06:57 PM

If mom wants to take her out of your care whilst you have arrangements in place ie farm trip then she should collect her from where ever
you are, not you come back so she can go, it's not fair on the other children to have to come back just for her. It will only take a few of
these occassions for mom to realise she can't have it all her own way, child is in your care your routine and she will have to fall into that not you
into hers.

**TAZ** · 27-12-2012, 07:07 PM

Originally Posted by cathtee

If mom wants to take her out of your care whilst you have arrangements in place ie farm trip then she should collect her from where ever
you are, not you come back so she can go, it's not fair on the other children to have to come back just for her. It will only take a few of
these occassions for mom to realise she can't have it all her own way, child is in your care your routine and she will have to fall into that not you
into hers.

I agree with this. Let the Mum know that you will be out on a trip so either she can collect before or after the trip at yours, otherwise she will have to come to where you are. The other children should not have to miss out on planned activities, especially as it is holiday time & these things are not always possible during term time due to school/nursery runs

**SYLVIA** · 27-12-2012, 07:16 PM

An older child I care for does courses and has play dates on my days during hols but the parents are very good and arrange collection drop off around my plans. Perhaps you could plan a little in advance and let mum know what you are doing and she can plan around you then. I would not be cutting trips short or canceling because of her plans, it's not fair on the other children. Their parents are paying for a service too

**Rolacolapink** · 27-12-2012, 08:36 PM

Thanks everyone your advice is much appreciated. It's always difficult when you've not been in these situations before not knowing how to deal with them. Also difficult given the parent and child are neighbours! I have been telling all my parents what our plans are well in advance of the school hols and even giving parents a printout of our activities

**blue bear** · 27-12-2012, 09:00 PM

I agree with the others, I wouldn't mind I. The least if mum wants to collect and return mid day but she would have to collect from where ever we happen to be.

**kareninluton** · 28-12-2012, 11:40 PM

I say to my mindee's parents the week schedule must be agreed the friday before so i can plan the week. And i would get them to pick up and drop off where you are if i were you otherwise its impossible to plan or do anything. I think she needs to give fair notice and you possibly need a policy on this stating what notice you require, and how you are prepared to work with their requests.

**Ripeberry** · 29-12-2012, 11:59 AM

The whole thing is just weird. She either sends the child to you that day or not. Coming to collect in the middle of the day then dropping back is just too upsetting for everyone. Imagine the other kids would start to ask for their own parents to
'pop' in. If you are out and about its for the parent to find you.

**emily79** · 29-12-2012, 09:15 PM

Bit of a different situation but I have a few that do different hours each day and some as and whens I tell them we are going on a trip and what tim we will be going and coming back and they may have to pay for exta hours, and its in our contracts that if they dont wish there child to come with me they have to find alternative care those days

**margimum** · 30-12-2012, 10:14 PM

Emily79. I don't think I would charge for extra hours if we were going on a trip and I had a part time mindee for extra time. It would be my choice to go for a full day and not have to return home for collection. You must have very agreeable parents!

**lynnfi** · 31-12-2012, 08:43 AM

I think I would be very annoyed by this if it happened on a regular basis.
My setting is not a mill

Regardless of activity disruptions and what's already been said, I think it is a matter of personal agreement or disagreement to the scheme.

I would disagree, because although it seems quite fair from one point of view that the parents do what they want if they pay the whole day, it is not fair on the CM to have their day disrupted like that and to be used in such a way - just my opinion. Just because you are being paid doesn't mean you have to accept conditions that have not been put straightforward and been agreed to on contract.

Why is this annoying - well you have a whole day in front of you with a certain routine and a rhythm, as well as a certain atmosphere with an unbroken "unrolling" of the day.
It is not nice to anybody (but the parent) to have this cut into 3 chunks - in, out, in again - it breaks the rhythm and the peacefulness of the day and of one's mind iykwim.
I would imagine that she needs a nanny more than a CM and mixes the 2.
It is hard to explain. In the latter case, the nanny works in the home anyway and is employed by the parent (may be I'm wrong on this one, might be self employed I guess), and the parent can take the child in and out as they wish.

I do not think this is convenient for a child at a CM. Just like s.o said, they wouldn't accept this in a nursery except for medical appointments and such unavoidable circumstances...

I guess, again, it is a matter of personal agreement to this or not. Some will be perfectly fine with it, some won't.
I can't believe I've written such a long reply,sorry